How to handle it when someone invites themself along?

Question

"Hey, I just heard you talking on the phone about meeting Dick and Jane for drinks after work! I haven't seen those two in ages, maybe I'll tag along for one or two pints!"

I mean...what do you say? Especially if this person is a co-worker. Doubly tricky if they are your superior.

I didn't really have a specific reason in mind as to why you wouldn't want an uninvited guest coming along. Maybe the person IS annoying, or maybe you just want to kick back with your good friends Dick and Jane without having to entertain a colleague or acquaintance who has tagged along. Perhaps you were planning to meet Dick and Jane at the local Fetish & Bondage club and you would much rather if your superior did not join you. It's possible that your meeting with them has a purpose other than drinks - maybe you and Dick are going to finally tell Jane you've been screwing around behind her back. Who knows? The point is, it is a bit rude when someone invites themselves along, regardless of who they are, and I don't think I should have to change my plans to accommodate them unless I honestly want to hang out with them. If that's the case, they are more than welcome, but if not, you're in a bad position.

Answer 1

You say "oh, xxxx, I'd love to have you and I'm sure that Dick and Jane would love to catch up be we were actually meeting to discuss something personal (you might also say to discuss funeral arrangements or that you are going to help them with something) and thought we'd have a few drinks to knock the edge off. I don't really think it is going to be a fun night so why don't I get everyone together just to hang out next weekend. Make sure you have the right body language or she will never believe you. End with something like "I'm so sorry, I really wish we didn't have such a heavy hearted discussion planned. You will come next weekend won't you?"

Answer 2

I love your overall attitude about it....especially the bondage club....hehehehe....however ;it is very rude of this person whether he be co-worker or superior to invite himself along. And the words....."one or two pints"....is enough to turn one off. Instead of changing any plans....perhaps you could call Dick and Jane and ask if changing location would be possible. But be prepared when this uninvited person once again puts you on the " Spot " by saying ......" Hey, I waited and yall never showed up...what happened ? "
Something tells me you're witty enough to come up with a good response by then. Have fun with Dick and Jane. We all grew up with them.

Answer 3

You say, "Sure. We'd love to have you."
Perhaps this person is lonely. Perhaps he would really like to see Dick and Jane.
You didn't mention why you didn't want him coming in the first place. Is he annoying? Would you rather keep your friends to yourself? Or is it because he is your superior and you have trouble unwinding around him.
Either way, you never want to upset your superior. Maybe he'll see what a cool cat you are outside of the office. Who knows, it could even help your career because chances are, he knows he wasn't invited and he appreciates that you let him tag along.
Best wishes!

Answer 4

I'd say sure, happy to have you! Unless of course I actually disliked the person and thought that their presence would ruin the evening, in which case I might whip up an excuse as to why they couldn't come... maybe you have something 'personal' to discuss with them? :)

Answer 5

Ugh... awkward situation. I'd say bite your tongue this one time, especially since it's a co-worker/superior. But in the future, be extra careful careful what you say around this person.

Answer 6

I think you're stuck THIS time. Inviting one's self along may be rude but telling them they're not wanted is even ruder.

Answer 7

I would tell them no! Plain and simple. so what if their feelings get hurt. They should not have been listening to your conversation and they really should not assumed they were welcomed.