Boyfriend wants to break up for more life experience...?

Question

I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 1/2 years now. We have lived with each other for 2 years and yesterday he told me that we make better friends that boyfriend and girlfriend.
He went on to say how I'm truly the only person who completely gets him and knows who he is.

After that he said that because this is our first major relationship, he wants to be able to live on his own and see if he can make it without anyone else there, as well as find out who he is. I agree that if that is something that he wants to do, then he should persue it, but my heart is literally broken.

We haven't had many troubles in the past, both of us would act mad because of work or family life, but I NEVER saw this happening.

He said he just needs time to think about what he wants in life, but I'm waiting for his answer so I can find a new apartment if he decides that we should be apart.

Any ideas on what I should do? I'm extremely broken apart on this and I love him so much.

Answer 1

If he isn't interested in staying together and getting married after 6-1/2 years, It's time you threw him back and found someone else. Sounds like he's very immature, selfish and a loser. Move on.....find the love of your life - it isn't him - trust me.

Answer 2

Hi "I am",
This is an experience you will have to go through AND get through, I'm afraid! You can't change people!

You said it yourself, he needs time to think, BUT, when you said that You are WAITING for his answer, I would advise you NOT to wait. He's saying he needs "his space" so don't hesitate on finding your own apt.
You will only hurt more if you continue to WAIT!

I know, it's hard to let go, BUT, Dear think of it this way, maybe your future is holding something special for you and this experience with your bf is showing you there is MORE "out there" to offer.

There comes a time when couples after a time want more in life and they have to go and find what it is! Not to be negative about it, bcuz all of us ned to grow at some time and if things aren't working out, it's only the right thing one person tells the other person they want to, let's say, "put a relationship on hold." It's ok to do that!
If you both have true love, he will figure life out and maybe you can keep in touch and maybe you do have a future. Just don't give up as hard as it might seem!
This could be the chance where you both can be happier together, OR apart, and time will tell!

In your corner, be busy yourself! Get a roomate with a Friend, get out more, develop new hobbies! The thing is, stay busy and this way you won't "dwell" on this breakup AS much, ok? You will get through this fine, I'm sure!

AND, try not to take this personal, either! This is probably why you hurt so much, that the whole issue attacks you on a personal level. It's also ok to feel this. ALL you need to do is live a normal life as much as possible and stay POSITIVE, no matter what!!!! OK?

Take care and stay open minded!

Answer 3

Let him go, If he doesn't realize what he has, then you deserve better. I mean people say things and maybe he honestly wants that, but when you leave then you are gone and he might not realize that while he still wants to be friends with you, separating and spending time apart will not increase your friendship, if anything it will cause you to stop wanting to be around him because he hurt you. My husband is my best friend and he truly does understand me better than anyone else, but I would never think of being apart from him. People think that they are missing out on so much and he will realize when you move out that he misses you next to him, that he misses everything, or he will go the other way and be happy to be free and as bad as it sounds he will not want to get back together. I would get your own place, and live your own life, go out with friends, have fun, but don't hang on him, if he wants to come back then let him make the effort, and if he says he wants to be alone, DO NOT SHARE HIS BED. He needs to be alone, like he said he wanted to. He can not have his cake and eat it too.

I am sorry you are going though this, but remember that in that time apart you will also grow and you might come to realize that yea he was a good guy but you could find so much better. Your still young since this was your first relationship, and live life and see where it takes you.

Answer 4

Sounds like he wants to go out with other girls and doesn't know how to tell you the truth. I would find my own place as soon as possible and tell him that you're giving him his space. Don't wait for him to find himself. He might lose his way. In the future, don't move in with anyone unless there's a ring on your finger. Marry your best friend. I've got almost 30 years of experience in this department. And while this is a very difficult time for you, give yourself time to heal before jumping into another relationship. Do some self-inventory. Find out what you really want in a relationship. Don't let yourself go down the same roads again. Too many people jump right in, trying to find someone who will get them over their pain. This is something you do yourself, even though it will be hard. Do some deep thinking about what happened. Only you can change you. Standing on your own two feet will help you to heal and be stronger. The human heart is extremely strong, as well as very vulnerable. Allow yourself time apart from another relationship. Get involved in volunteer work. Take up a hobby that involves deep concentration. If you're done with school, go back. By putting new experiences into your life, you get more back. You become independant. Plus, you never know if your true soul mate is just waiting for you to appear in his life. I really think it's way past time to move on, especially since you've been involved with this fella for such a long time with no commitment from him. You deserve better. <*)))><

Answer 5

I understand that you love him but you should never give someone the glory of "letting you know what their answer is" if he said all of this to you then he has been thinking about it for a while....this isn't really something that just comes to your head in a day. Maybe you guys do need to be apart...you never know it may be the best thing that ever happened to you. I know from experience how bad it hurts but it will get better. But WHEN he decides to come back don't let it be so easy for him. Make him understand that he can't do that to you. I went through the worst pain in my whole life from this same situation a few years back so instead of dying over it I lost 40Ibs and became independent and I am a better person for it now....I can't even see what I saw in that guy anymore and I am with the love of my life. Try and see the good in it and don't let him think he got the better of you.

Answer 6

Invarably, when they lay this on you they already have the next "life experience" picked out. Men are all about sex and if they have a warm body they aren't dumping that one until they have something else going on. This is the time to hold your head up high and use every drop of class you have and leave on your own w/o the screaming, crying and begging. All that is just something he'll drag out to impress his buds at the bar. I've been in your shoes and I've seen one of my sons do it to his girl friend. I really was not proud of him during that time. You don't say how old you are but since it's your first real relationship you could use some more looking around too. Just be sure you get to know you and exactly what you want in your next man. If you hook up just to have a warm body in your bed you'll pick out what you have now, just a new version and you know how that's turning out. Try real hard to pick better the next time. I think most people do. Do not sit at home and mope over this or the grief will drag on forever. Yes, this is a grieving process. When a relationship dies it is just like the grief of a death. You are hurt very deeply and it is going to take some time to get past it. Using drugs or alcohol to dull the pain just takes more time to get throught it. I'll be praying for you. Blessings

Answer 7

Thats a rough situation for you! Well here is what I would do. You obviously love this guy a lot. I would comfort him and support what he wants. He will like that more than anything Im sure. And maybe when he figures things out for himself... you have always been right by his side no matter how things are, you just might be the key to his heart that makes him realize what he really wants :-) If you want things to make work out in the future, just be a good friend.

Answer 8

When life tosses you a new challenge, embrace the change.
If you heart is broken, focus on your mind. Reinvent yourself in a way that occupies your full attention, so you dont think about
the past or your loss.

Life forces certain lessons, if you refuse to accept the lesson the next one will be harder.

So don't see this as a loss, see this as if a new world just opened up in front of you. Now leap empty handed into the void and you will discover again that you can fly.

Answer 9

i feel for you my ex and i were together for 7 years it is not easy but obviously he has been thinking about this i cant really tell by what your saying but my ex just wanted more life experience with a friggin 19 year old chick yep he broke up a 7 year relationship to go out with some 19 year old hoe but hey he still calls me sometimes and is playing the mind games and then guess what they plan to get married this summer his new girl doesnt even know anything he tells me i tried helping her out and letting her know but shes just a kid so obviously she doesnt have the sence to know fact from fiction but whatever im sure it will last forever yeah right anyway im not saying this is what your boyfriend is doing but it sounds like the same thing i went through like 8 months ago...they will figure out one day the grass isnt always greener on the other side and then what will you still be around

Answer 10

Give him time to think. Give him some space. If you truly love him and care for him, let him run his life. It doesn't sound like you're pushing him to stay, which is good, but let him figure out what he wants. Tell him how much he means to you and that no matter what happens you hope you and him can remain good friends. It's better to lose a relationship than the connection you two have. I hope this helps.

Answer 11

Well, you just gotta let him do his thing. I know a guy who did this to his g/f after they went out for 5 years. After a while, he became miserable and went back to her and now they are with each other again. If he is truly leaving you, then take away from the relationship the great experiences you 2 had, and always stay friends. He just wants to know who HE truly is, independently of anyone else.