My son is 14 and he believes that my ex husband is his father. We have been divorced for 2 years and our family has been through a lot. my son already feels angry towards my ex husband for not being around as much anymore. I keep putting off this conversation because I can't figure what to say, how to say it...
Additionally, His biological father says that he remained out of his life to protect our family and didn't want to cause problems. But now that my ex-husband is not around he wants to be part of my sons life.
2007-02-25 02:04:28 · 13 answers · asked by saspocha 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thanks everyone. I should have been clearer. My ex is still in contact with my son and visits with him rarely. We have a 11 year old daughter together and he treats them both the same.
2007-02-25 02:36:22 · update #1
My parents waited until I was an adult to spring the same news to me. It's probably for the best, I would only have used it against him as we did not get along very well.
Anyone can be a sperm donor, it takes a committed man to be a "father". At 14, your son definitely needs a man to guide him to adulthood, I hope that one or both of the men in his life will step up to the plate for him. Explain to your son that more important than how you are related TO someone is how you relate WITH them.
Visit with a family counselor for the best advice.
2007-02-25 02:11:42 · answer #1 · answered by ©2009 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is no easy way to tell your son. So I guess you just sit him down and say I have something to tell you. Maybe telling will explain to your son why your ex isn't around as much for him. If is biological father wants to be in his life now maybe he should be there when you tell him. You must also explain why you let him believe that your ex was his father. I believe everychild should know there true parents.
2007-02-25 02:19:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to just be honest and straightforward with him. Just tell him like it is, apologize for your deception and hope that he learns to trust you again later down the road. It's hard for a child, especially a rebellious teenager to understand why a parent would lie to them about something as important as who their father is. Don't be surprised when he calls you a liar and throws it in your face the next time you are yelling at him about following rules.
Your ex is crappy for not spending time with a child he raised. I don't care if it's his kid or not, he raised him and treated the boy like a son. He's a real jerk to cut him off like that.
The boy's real father is also a jerk. To stay out of his son's life knowing he had a son, because he didn't want to disrupt your family is a lie. He wanted his freedom and you gave it to him. Now that it's convenient, and you're free to sleep with him, he wants to come back and play daddy.
I hope you really enjoy the mess you have made here by lying to your child, and being with these men who have no honor or sense or responsibility.
2007-02-25 02:17:54 · answer #3 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the ex husband were interested in the child and was being a good role model for him this would be very hard.
The fact that the biological father is interested in your son and wants to be part of his life is great. Everyone should have a father that shows he cares about his children.
Good Luck
2007-02-25 02:13:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anne2 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That is wonderful that he treats him the same, but now is probably a little too late. He will think that his whole life has been a lie. Why now?....this will ruin the relationship with your x-husband. Is it worth it? He is going to find out one way or the other. Wait until he is past the most critical years. The teen years are the times where they develop a sense of themselves. This will throw him in a loop.
2007-02-25 02:44:07 · answer #5 · answered by Sheila 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ooo... You should have told him when he was little. He will probably be very angry, then sad. Keep an eye on him, he might try to run away. THis will be a very hard time for all of you, but he will learn to accept it in time. I can understand why he's angry. Best not to put it off any longer. Tell him as soon as possible, and break the news very gently.
2007-02-25 02:13:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your just gonna have to break down and tell him. He'll probably be a little mad at first, but then he should somewhat understand. All people are different, but if it was me I would wanna know. I never had a father at all and yet I was angry at my mom when she finally told me who my father was and I was around 10 or so. Your son should understand that a man that wasn't even his father was raising him and be thankful for that.
2007-02-25 02:11:15 · answer #7 · answered by mighty1981mouse 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
HOLEY CRAP, YOU DUMB-DUMB. The boy is FORTEEN and that's tough enough as it is. Why dump that bombshell on him now? Yah, his father-figure is leaving, that's enough chaos as it is. Take this to your grave if you can. Tell bio-dad to keep away. You don't know what it's like to be a 14 year old boy with all the hormonal changes, dealing with this news will have consequences you can't imagine such as destructive behavior and drugs. Drugs are appealing to kids when their home life is chaotic; they are a quick escape.
2007-02-25 04:31:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you better tell him now.. the real father of him. maybe he will understand u and about the ex husbnad if he want to have the part sons life let him he was also once a father when ur son need him.
2007-02-25 02:12:54 · answer #9 · answered by lene 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
both biological parents should sit down in a quiet place and explain the truth to the son. hes at a time when hes ready, just go slow and dont lie to him and dont leave anything out good luck
2007-02-25 02:11:10 · answer #10 · answered by robert r 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋