My son and his fiance could have hand-delivered the invite to me. Instead they send it with my other son. Am I over-reacting? Also, they haven't talked to us or asked us to participate in any aspect of their wedding.
2007-02-25 01:45:18 · 14 answers · asked by proofofignorance 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Basically, they told us they were getting engaged. Then they told us they were getting married. Now the wedding is 3 weeks from now, and they never talked much about it other than where it is and what time it is. He sent the invite out to me via my other son. it was address "MR JOHN DOE and FAMILY" on the outside. We have not knowingly p'ed them off.
2007-02-25 01:55:26 · update #1
My thoughts now: The wedding is totally up to them - I don't feel that I *have* to participate. The invite, I can probably get over quickly.
2007-02-25 02:10:53 · update #2
My wife is p'ed because last *few* times they visit, she is basically ignored. She cook for all of us, but they don't have the common courtesy to say "HI", "BYE", "Thanks" or anything for that matter. Now my wife will only go to the wedding for me, not them
2007-02-25 02:14:45 · update #3
No, the invite had my real name (not John Doe) but in the format I described
2007-02-25 02:17:39 · update #4
I have since blown off the invite issue - no issue. We are wondering why they have totally ignored us in the last month. And no, there is no *problem* other that me not having open lines of communication with my son. I guess it finally caught up with me/us after all these years.
2007-02-25 04:21:50 · update #5
The fact that you can't ask your son about the plans for their wedding, or that you have to ask people on an anonymous group why something happened with YOUR family says a lot. Someone has to be mature and open the lines of communication, and it should most likely be the older, wiser parents. When they told you about the wedding, did you offer to help and enthusiastically ask about their plans?
Sometimes too much input from too many people is stressful for the bride and groom. Unless they're asking you to pay for something, there really isn't a need for you to know about the specifics. However, it seems if you acted truly interested, they would have included you in the details.
Your wife will regret attending her son's wedding with such a bad attitude. If she wants to have a happy relationship with them in the future, and with possible future grandchildren, she needs to grow up and stop judging everything they are doing. Give them a call, invite them over and ask them what will be happening and what your part in the day will be. Someone needs to swallow their pride.
2007-02-25 02:25:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 0⤋
As part of the groom's family you don't typically do a lot for the wedding. You don't pay for anything typically save a rehearsal dinner if asked so I wouldn't expect you to be consulted for most of the wedding decisions. I know mothers have dreams about their children's wedding but the problem is those rarely match the child's reality or need for them unless they are particularly young and/or close to their mothers. As for the invite--etiquette dictates how they should be addressed. Now they could have gone against it I guess but if they were getting help doing the addressing then everyone tends to follow a format. I'm actually going to have to give them kudos for hand delivering it period no matter whose hand it came in. If I hand delivered any it would be to people I work with because I don't have their home addresses. Anyone else is getting it mailed.
2007-02-25 05:53:38 · answer #2 · answered by indydst8 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One possibilility here is that the bride and groom are just taking care of business, and aren't doing any traditional things....and you are jumping to conclusions and getting your feather's ruffled for nothing. AND why haven't you called them and asked them directly what's going on? The other possibillity is....
I'm sorry, but you say you haven't knowingly made them angry, but I don't believe you. Your and/or your wife have done something, there is something in your history to bring this about, so don't pretend otherwise. Either your controlling, judgemental, difficult to please, selfish, or all of the above, because I can't imagine why a child would do that to a parent UNPROVOKED. There are problems in your relationship. So now you have two ways to approach it. Act all upset and feather ruffled, God knows, you need an apology and to be told that YOU ARE RIGHT by howdy, how dare anyone treat you and your wife that way....and be prepared to have your demands thrown back in your face and your relationship with your son and his wife to the point of beyond repair. OR, you can try to be open minded and invite them over for a talk, or meet at a public place and listen to them, their reasons. Find out what's wrong, without getting your back up and yelling and defending yourself. OR, if the talk doesn't work, then let the past be the past, and act loving and kind, and maybe eventually you will be included....but I can tell just by your note, you are a PAIN in the neck, already you are ready to jump on them for their 'poor behavior.' Are you one of those people who always has to be right? That gets old, grow up, be a MAN, love your child and his bride, take what you can get or you'll miss out on your grandkids....
2007-02-25 02:59:53 · answer #3 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
It seems that there is something between you that is causing this...or maybe they just want to do it themselves. Either way instead of posting it here,maybe you should talk to them. Its very easy to jump to conclusions and read things into something. Whats the worse thing that could happen, they want to do it on there own?. As far as the invitations goes, maybe it was more convenient for his brother at the time..Again,you will have to ask him...Don't be upset when you do,it will only cause a fight..Approach it with an understanding that there is no problem..I wish you all Good luck
2007-02-25 01:54:35 · answer #4 · answered by Frank D 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How amazingly silly you are being. Who gives a crap how the invite gets to you? You've been invited, now go. It's their damn wedding, and if you're in it, cool, if not, show class. I think it's about time to treat your son like an independant adult. If I were in your son's position, and know of your attitude, I think I'd not invite you at all.
2007-02-25 04:17:02 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ack! this is why my first wedding was a disaster! this is your SON's wedding. yes, you're over reacting. he could have just sent it in the mail. your son should be able to do whatever he wants with his wedding and his invitations. my mother in law planned everything for my wedding, did everything HER way, and even in the end she was upset because she wasn't included enough. i was MISERABLE. it was not a day for me and my husband. it was my mother in law's day. don't do this to your son. maybe he's busy planning a wedding that you can just sit back and enjoy. enjoy your son's day of happiness with his wife. don't get your feelings hurt over a silly invitation.
EDIT
is your last name DOE? if not, yeah, your son's mad about something... either that, or he has a really strange sense of humor.
EDIT (again)
LOL i see.... you just don't want to reveal your name to the whole world. makes sense. :)
2007-02-25 01:59:19 · answer #6 · answered by Emily H 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are overreacting.
And perhaps they want to leave the details a surprise to everyone?
I hear too many stories about the bride and groom's decisions about their wedding being criticized and people trying to organize the wedding, so perhaps they want to keep it all to themselves until everyone sees what its like when they arrive?
If anything have a little chit chat with the bride and groom. Don't put them on the defensive though.
2007-02-25 02:04:36 · answer #7 · answered by Terri 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The mail man delivered all of my invitations, including the ones to our parents.
I wish my mother in law would've been not involved in the planning of our wedding. She started out in denial (we couldn't be really getting married. We just met the previous year) then she wanted to invite everyone she met in her over 50 years on this planet, (around 300. our hall held 200) then she wanted to host the grooms' dinner in her home (no way. I would've gotten stuck cleaning up on the night before my wedding) and then she wound up hosting it at some fru-fru country club where the food made me physically ill.
Would you want your future daughter in law to have these kinds of memories about her wedding and your involvement? Consider yourself lucky!
2007-02-25 02:03:11 · answer #8 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your son and his soon to be wife want to be totally responsible for their wedding and don't want the parents to feel obligated to pay for things. That doesn't explain them being rude when they come over to eat though. However, you being the man of your house, when they do come over to eat or visit say something like, "Don't you owe your mother a thank you for the nice meal she cooked you?"
Good luck!
2007-02-25 03:18:31 · answer #9 · answered by Raspberry 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Have you helped them out at all? If they haven't spoken to you, I would think there is a problem here. You should be very involved at a time like this. Perhaps you haven't done what they've expected of you, and they are hurt or dissapointed. You should certainly call your son and tell him you love him and are concerned. Tell him how important this time in his life is to you, and you'd love to help him out in any way you can.
2007-02-25 01:51:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋