I am 18 years old - and i have a older Boyfriend. Advice please?

Question

Please help.

I am a 18 year old girl - quite mature, so not really a typical 18 year old. But i have gone and ended up with a 28 year old bloke.

I have a few worries about this - i do love him with all my heart though, so i am not asking whether i should dump him.

I am worried what people will think about us in town? When they see us together - and notice that simon is a little older than me. Do you think people will think anything negative about this?

Also my parents - i am falling in love, and i think this guy might be "it" for me.. you just know dont ya. How on earth - does a youngest child, who has never brought a boy home, when the parents think i am at my best friends - bring up the fact that i have a boyfriend"? Nevermind the fact that he is a 28 year old? What do you think my parents reactions will be? How should i bring it up? Should i introduce them at the same time as telling them, or tell them in advance before i bring him home?

Advice please!

Oh god simon is the most caring and loving guy i think i have ever met - he is so loyal and really does make me feel like the princess every girl should feel like. He doesn't drive a nova at 130miles per hour either!

Yes he has done the whole - going out until 6am thing, and im not saying he does not go out occasionally and have a few drinks and a couple of spliffs - because he does, hes a normal guy. He has a lot of experience in life, such as a serious accident which i think has made him look at life a lot better, with more consideration etc, and i feel i can learn a lot from him

I do think its a good idea to present his good points and then let them know he is a little older than me.

And yes when hes out in public, hes such a well mannerd bloke. we've discussed it and the fact my dad will be funny about it, and hes already come out with things like - he will speak with him and say stuff like "I understand how you feel, and I feel if i had a kid myself and she came home at 18 and said this, then i would feel a bit uneasy.. but i do respect Laura and I just want to make her happy"

My parents do deffinatly deserve honesty, thats why its pressing me to tell them.

Another question - WE MET ONLINE. do i say we met at a night class like i suggested to him, or the truth?

I just dont like guys my age!! Im in England so technically you can have sex at 16 - but your classed as a adult really at 18. I might be wrong!

Answer 1

I'd advise you to forget the age difference - it seems a lot more but if you were 28 and he was 38 people wouldn't really bother to notice. However, the issue is with your parents. I would try and stress the qualities that an older boyfriend has over a younger one - for example, he probably doesn't drive an old banger at high speeds and has more experience on the roads, he has more experience in taking out women and will probably treat you better, making sure that you have a taxi to your door and protecting you better, he's probably done the 'drinking till you throw up' scene and won't haul you around pubs where his idea of fun is vomiting up on the pavement outside. I'm not saying that is what most young men do, but from your parents' point of view that's probably their perception.
So I would speak to them and tell them about your new guy, what he does for a job, how well he treats you, how kind he is, how caring about you and what good manners he has. Do not mention his age, not at all. Get your parents to like the idea of this guy first, to get their approval about what a nice guy he is. Then ask if you can invite him home.
Your parents will already be liking him - they may be a little surprised that he is older but hopefully will have sufficiently good manners not to say anything. If he's on his best behaviour when he visits them then, maybe after the meeting, your parents may realise that it is the person who counts and not their age.
Good luck.

Answer 2

Hi Laura,
The most important thing is what YOU think. It does not matter what other people may think. As a dad myself I am not sure how I would react if I found out my daughter had a boyfriend of 28 when she was 18 (she is only 16 at the moment). What I would say and advise is tell your parents about him before you bring him home. If your parents are in anyway upset then it could be quite embarassing for you all if you bring him home and they find out he is 10 years older.
I would also point out my parents had a 15 year age difference and were perfect together.
I am not sure how long you have been together or what experience you have had with other boys. It is easy to feel you are in love when you are with someone and to some extent you do feel this is it, but it is not always the case - I felt that way at some stage with my ex-wife!!
However you can not help falling in love with who you fall in love with and you should not let thoughts of what others feel get in the way of your judgements.
I think if it was my daughter then initially I would be a bit shocked, maybe upset, certainly I would be weary of her boyfriend, but I honestly feel if you feel you love him, and he treats you right then that will shine through and your parents will see how happy you are. It is difficult being an 18 year old with all the decisions there are to make, it is also difficult being a parent of an 18 year old!!
I wish you the very best of luck with your relationship and hope for you this is the one, if that is what you want.
Never let anyone mistreat you in anyway - you are the most important thing in this situation (I would say the same to Simon as well!).
Finally I am sure all that your parents want is for you to be happy - they will worry, but in truth they will worry if you went out with a 20 year old, 18 year old, 19 year old etc. thats what we parents do!!
Best of luck

Answer 3

Tell your parents in advance. But when you tell them his age be quite matter of fact about it because if you sound nervous like it's an issue then they will too! Just say that he is a little older then you...at least he is in his twenties.

I am a mother of two a 22 yr old and a 25 yr old. I would just be glad that whoever they chose to be with was a good person. I think if your boyfriend was say 35 I would have concerns as a parent. Tell them you might not usually go for someone of this age but he is very nice and good to you.

Then they have the chance to come to terms with it before they actually meet him.

Also I wouldn't look twice at two people of your ages walking down the street at all, so I wouldn't worry about that.

Hope that helps, best wishes

Answer 4

First of all i have a few questions for you... How do you just end up with someone???? Its not like he was the last person on earth...Why do you care what others think??? They are not in the relationship with the two of you......Why would you keep the fact that you are with someone that you truly care about from your parents??? You should tell them asap if you really care about this person you are with....They will probably be upset at first but believe me they will get over it....Tell them before you bring him home to meet them...Good luck. Best wishes.

Answer 5

If I may say so, your primary consideration appears to be what other people will think. If you are both happy and in a mutually consenting relationship; both adults (despite the 10-year age gap), what's the problem? I do, however, think that your parents deserve the respect of honesty, which, presumably, they have always shown you?

Best wishes to you and Simon, J

Answer 6

I have the same problem. I just don't relate well to guys my age and I find myself dating men who are quite a bit older than me.
You cannot help who you're attracted to...or who you get along with. The important thing is that this man treats you well and respectfully.
Since you are 18, you are legal (is that also true for the UK?). You are an adult. If your parents freak, just explain how you feel. If they still don't like it, that's just too bad. It's your life and you need to live it the way you want. As long as you are safe, happy and loved, that's what matters....(life is too short to not go for it!)
;-) Good luck!

Answer 7

OK there is 10 years between you and your boyfriend, there is 15 years between me and my boyfriend and you know what i could not care less what other people think because when i am with him everything else just disappears.
You have to live your life the way you want to, forget about everyone else because as long a he makes you happy then that is all that matters.
I know you are scared to tell your family but when they see how happy he makes you I'm sure they will accept him as your boyfriend. I would tell them about him before you introduce him, give them a chance to prepare themselves first.
Be happy babe and good luck xxx

Answer 8

Don't keep it a secret for very long, the longer they don't know the harder it will be to tell them and they will trust you and him more if you tell them as close to the start of the relationship as you can, obviously they will be shocked and may well flip out, but in the end it is your desision who to date and they will see that.
P.s doesn't matter what other people think, my boyfriend is 25 years older than me and we barely get looked at, my parents were upset but now they know we love each other they are very good about it all.

Good luck babe. xXx

Answer 9

Maybe this is bothering you more than anyone else, it's not really a big deal anymore. I would invite your boyfriend home for dinner or something but dont tell your parents how old he is, let them see him for who he is, if they like him, the age think wont matter to them so much. Good luck. x

Answer 10

look u said u loved him then to hell what anyone else thinks. and u think he might not be it for u then take it slow see where thngs go. and as for ur parents u can only ever find out how they will react when u tell them, although it might be best to tell them about him before u bring him over ;)