can your husband love you and be having an affair at the same time?

Question

i caught him cheating by cell phone bills this had been going on for almost a year, i didn't know.we had only been married 2 mths when he met this slut on the spot exchanged numbers he started calling her everyday and had sex with her only after a week i didnt find out for almost a year he could not have loved me uhu tried every way to lie they both tried to be sneaky i would call the number because he would say it was an old friend of his but it was always a womans message on the voicemail yeah the old friend he never knew was her exhusband they were separated i would call and ask for him she would say he's not there they weren't very slick i guess you could say they were it went on for a year before i found out. it's been almost 2 years it's been over but i'm still devasted and sick he had no signs of a guilty conscious and could never tell the truth did he love me or was he committed to her he would call her more than me, he says it was just sex talk bs, i think he cared forher

Answer 1

time to put your foot down. Follow him to where he goes, get pics of them together, you'll need them later for court. Good luck.

Answer 2

well i say yes and no your ? asks if your husband can love you and still be having an affair and I think this is possible. Men and women both are capable of loving more than one person and There is no such thing as the one and only for you there are many different people who are a perfect match for you. And sometimes if the marriage vows aren't a strong commitment for them they do hold relationships with more than one person.
However I don't think this is the case with your husband since he doesn't love this other girl and it is just sex if he did love her he would be man enough to say he has feelings for her. He also doesn't love you because he didn't show you any respect and he did not communicate his needs with you. This is the problem with marriage these days people don't find out if vows are important to their spouse ahead of time or if they are just words spoken to make someone happy. They don't decide if the commitment of marriage is an all important thing or just a piece of paper with no real solidity.

Answer 3

I think he loved you too, but I think he loved himself more. I don't think he had much of a commitment to either of you. He only does what benefits him the most. Apparently staying married to you was more beneficial than leaving. If you have forgiven him you have to let this go. It's been 2 years now and he may have developed enough respect and love for you not to do it again. It's hard to say without knowing him. But one thing is for sure, if you can't let this go, you need to move on. You are never going to be truly happy with this man unless you can stop harping on the past. As hard as it is not too. If you want to stay married to him, you have to start telling yourself he loved you more or else he would have left when he had the chance to go.

Answer 4

No i do not feel he can love you the way he should love his wife if he is having an affair on you at the same time. He may have cared for her and maybe he was not ready for marriage and commitment when he married you. I feel you need counselilng and help to get past all of this and you both also need marriage couseling. If he is not sorry then i am wondering if he is cheating on you again or not.

Answer 5

I had almost the same thing happen to me, I called her and her mom told them he is a married man, he swears she was just a friend but I found other proof, he also promise not to contact her again,but i think he is still in touch with her but I can't prove it. It makes me feel insecure all the time. But I do know he never had any intention of leaving me for her. I plan to keep him till something better comes along.

Answer 6

that depends on how you define 'love'. Not in my dictionary (which by the way you could consult once in a while). Something must have been missing with you for him to seek someone else. Or, he's just a dog-man and can't keep his d**k in his pants. Does he love you? Nah. A man like that doesn't know the first thing about heartfelt love. His ego and libido dictates what he does. Slime.

Answer 7

i do not think he knows right from wrong, and no i do not think if a man truly loves u that they could do this to u. if he is lying about it and will not acknowledge it, he isn't interested in stopping it. yes he does or did care about her, but if it is over with, if u want to stay in the marriage than it would be a good thing if u stopped thinking about it, seems u made a decision to stay in the marriage, he will never tell u the truth, as he may be ashamed of his actions, and may not like confrontation.

Answer 8

NO there is no way that this person you married has any respect for you ,now or later.Raise up & out of this cheartes grip before they gives you some disease,
Do you think you will ever be able to forget Or forgive him?????if no than move on.This is just the
begining.The trust is gone. the memories of him & her together will always be there. read more sites your not alone,she probley wrote here also, Best of luck Happyness is out there.

Answer 9

No. Personally, I don't think someone can cheat on the person they love. Marriage vows are sacred and your husband has no moral sense of right and wrong. If you actually want to stay with him, get counselling. However, no one would blame you if you wanted to end the marriage. You need to decide what you want for you. He cheated, now you need to decide if you want to forgive him. Good luck.

Answer 10

This isn't about who he was more committed to, this is about him not being committed to you. Your feelings on this subject are important, and you have to deal with them. Either work with him, or get counseling for yourself. Being cheated on is devastating, and it's hard to feel "normal" again without help.