My lesbian partner of 11 years............?

Question

We were behind on our mortage payments (house is in her name)
she took out a credit card in my name to catch up, spending $4000. I'm having a difficult time getting over this, because she didn't talk to me about it first. What do you think? I'm a frustrated Lesbian.

Answer 1

I'm sure you already stress your frustrations regarding what she had done. Just speak to her regarding of keeping an open communication. The damage is done, and there's no reason upgrade the innocent into full argument or fight. Her purpose was not thought totally thoroughly, and I am sure her intentions was to issue any unsuitable actions against you.

Your love for her must over come the wrong things that she have committee! If she doesn't understand her faults give her time rethink her actions, and mostly I hope she sees sadness that was brought to this relationship. Both of you can over come this, and assure it won't happen again.

God Bless

Answer 2

I'm not sure why this is in this category. Other than the fact that if you were heterosexual (and therefore able to be legally married) The house would be in both of your names?

Other than that I can't think of what his has to do with your being a lesbian.


However, to answer the question - after 11 years she shouldn't have to ask your permission. I don't know the dynamics of your relationship, ie does one of you work and one of you stay at home? In which case one of you might have a better credit history and therefore a better interest rate?

Just ask her why she did it, you didn't mention what her reasoning/excuse was. Talk to your wife, work it out together.
People make mistakes. Maybe she made a poor choice. Whatever the reason, if you love your wife forgive her and let it go. Cut up the credit card and pay it off. It was used for the house you share so I don't see what the problem is.

Answer 3

That's not ok in any way shape or form. She did that without your permission. If it's the lack of permission that is bugging you the most, you're going to have to let her know that it wasn't ok and that you're serious about it. Then let her know to what extent it's not ok. As in, is it a deal breaker? Would you end it if she did something like this again? Would you make all your finances seperate? No matter what the consequences would be you need to make them clear and then stick to it if she does it again.

This is a violation of trust and as such it makes you wonder what else may end up being violated in the future if this trend continues. No matter how long you've been together it's pretty much common sense that you don't do something in your partners name with out their explicit permission. The kicker is, if she had just told you about it there most likely wouldn't have been a problem in the first place and if that is true, you need to let her know that too.

This really isn't ok. It's not something that can be let go. I'm not saying beat her up verbally but to articulate why it wasn't ok and what will happen if it happens again. Unfortunitly, the 'what will happen if' is vital sense she obviously thought nothing of it the first time. Hold your ground and don't relent. Let her know that she needs to talk to you first and if you say no to a plan she has to pay for something that, that's your perogative and your right just as she could say no to something you sugested. The hardest part is that you weren't included in something that directly effects you.

Hopefully, she is more than willing to help you pay off that 4k. If not, then that takes this to a whole other level of icky. You'd have to deside if legal action was worth it. But as long as she'll help you pay off the card then letting her know how this wasn't ok for you is the most important thing.

It's important to tell her though because to hold it in can hurt the relationship in the long run since holding things in often creates a snow ball effect. It'll also stress you out till you finally let it out.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I think what your partner did was dishonest and obviously damaging to your relationship. However, we are all guilty or errors in judgment.

Before I give you advice, I have to say that I don;t know if this is the first time your partner has done this or if it is part of a pattern. If it is part of pattern, then I think you need to devise and exit strategy that allows you to emerge as emotionally and financially intact as possible.

If this is the first time, then devise a strategy to talk this thing out and move beyond it. Give her a chance to state her reasons and then explain in non-blaming and non-shaming ways why you need her to promise not to do anything like this again. If she does keep her promise than you might have to decide if you can stay close and intimate with a woman who is, at times, untrustworthy.

Answer 5

I understand that you would be very fustrated i think you should talk to her. Maybe she was worried you would say no to the credit card who knows. Try and be understanding when speaking to her yelling wont help as much as u would prob want to. You both have been together for a long while just talk and work on what happened.I hope all goes well. :)

Answer 6

I do not blame you for being upset; especially after 11 years. She put it in your name for gawds sake and did so without consulting you first. I too would be very upset. One of my exes ordered a bunch of stuff in my name, knowing she couldnt pay for it. It ended up on my credit report, not hers. If the person youre with does something like that, it makes you wonder what the hell else they are doing. My girlfriend that I am with now discuss everything with each other. Its called respect.

Answer 7

Dont panic, you will find the resources. Your partner had every right to take out a credit card.... perhaps you are behind with the mortgage because you didnt contribute...... you both can pick upi part-time jobs until you are back on your feet. Do something!

Answer 8

i think that she was wrong in using your credit card, or anything e
lse that belong to you without talking it over with you. and getting
your ok, agreement and permission. thats what i try to teach my
young neices and nephews, about bothering eachother things, wi
thout their permission. when things get broken, everybody will be
saying, that i didnt have it? and pointing fingers and lying on each
other. thank you so much for helping to bring out that very importa
nt point and valuable lesson, in stressing the importance of com
munication, respect and honor, through faith and trust individually
as well as toward eachother. i hope that you dont mind me sayin
g, that i thought that lesbian friendships. and relationships were a
lot stronger and better than straight and regular couples? i guess
that there are basic human qualities in all of us? i try to see and id
entify lesbians as being an intricate group of women who is speci
ally drawn together, because of the hurt, that they have recieved
at the hands, actions, and results of others? be they male or fem
ale? please another question, i am a female transsexual, i have b
een trying to get some help and answers about the subject of les
bianism. and why do they hate female transsexuals so much? i maynot be a woman like you, but i do know that i am a woman.an
d maybe i feel hurt and pain worse than you? because im forced t
o live and feel pain, hurt, and rejection from men and women. sim
ply because im a woman trapped in a mans body? what wrong di
d i do to misrepresent women, esspecially lesbians? is it wrong f
or me to want to be with someone who perhaps share some com
mon cause of mistreatment and misjustice, simply because we
women live and try to survive and adjust in a faccid and uncaring
part of society, that wants very little to do with us? the sad part is
that we really dont have any justified reason to dislike or hate eac
hother, and yet its so hard to find any love and human or spiritual
nurturing springing up between eachother? whether you be lesbi
ans, and i be a female transsexual. there is a common need,bon
d, ground and usage to help maintain the survival of the two of us
under the ruling force of GOD, OURSELVES, AND EACHOTHER
dont you know that the circles of society wants to keep us apart?
they know that if they destroy one source, then in the end, the oth
er source will follow? please feel free to contact me as heavenly
[e-mail], or [e-mail]. i hope th
at you will take a moment to get back in touch with me? you just
dont know how long i have been trying to get in touch with some
one from the lesbian circle? thank you so very much, and may yo
u forever have a BLESSED and WONDERFUL DAY IN CHRIST
JESUS.

Answer 9

Why didn't she open a credit account in her name? She was out of line and committed fraud.

Answer 10

Talk to her ... i am sure she has good explanation

then get the papers in order to have proportionate share of the property.