we live in seperate homes as of last march,because he says I dont trust him(hes a massage therapist,in our home,women only)and one eve I got upset girl in our house 1am..well he says Im disobiedient,because he told me the truth and I insisted on more answers,(he cheated before we married) story short,I was put out,5 mos married....we are christians,my hubby teaches bible,and is saught after to teach,I live a few blocks away,we still have considerd ourselves married just living seperate and working on it...well Ive done alot of questioning lately and called the cops once,and now hes on a singles web site,and he says "he wants a divorce because he cant trust "me.,because I am disobiedient and not on his side.,he has drawn up the pappers about 4 or 5 times...look I dont want to stay...but biblcally I cannot leave,he says its off &on ,there has been no actual infidelity proven...I am serious about my vows,and what if he files(woowoo) will I be damned???he says we can divorce...no script..
2007-02-24 19:58:47 · 25 answers · asked by 2fitornot2fit 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
O.K. Let me walk you through a few scriptures....no, let me walk you through a story. Chances are if your husband is the kind of Christian I think he is (yes he still believes in Christ) he probably would prefer you to not read too much of the bible, this way he can twist the scriptures into as many rediculous messages as he can. Mature Christians call this "So heveanly minded they are no earthly good". O.K. do you remember the woman at the well? Christ went up to her asked what she was doing. She replied fetching water for her husband. Christ stated that she indeed was but that she had multiple husbands. Like 6! Understand the culture here! More than one husband is grounds for stoning, so marriage to 6 is impossible in that day and age. What we have found is in that culture sex was the binding act for marriage. So if two people were caught having sex, they were considered married. When Christ said "you have 6 husbands" it sort of validifies that thought. So in Gods eyes if you have sex with someone you become one with them and are, in His eyes, married. Many Christians, especially those Baptists, believe (and so do I) that she had had multiple sexual partners. Baptist's believe she was a hooker, I just think she didn't know what love was and was trying too hard to aquire a husband. Allot like todays women. Anyway, you've already said that your husband had an affair before you were married. Ergo, in Gods eyes he is married to that girl! We as husbands have responcibilities to our wives. Everyday he doesn't take care of this girl -financially, emotionally, responcibly, he is sinning, in Gods eyes. Yes he can ask for forgiveness but tomorrow he still hasn't taken care of her and will again be sinning. Do you understand? By staying married to this guy, YOU in a sense are a stumbling block for him. He can't win. By divorcing him you are in essence helping him out. Now he can go marry this tart and begin a sinless life! Now the Bible is very strict with these divorce proceedures. Once it's done you have a very limited rights. YOU need to talk to YOUR pastor about this problem, and to validate what I say here! Never take the word of a complete stranger on the interpretation of the Scriptures! Actually it's also wise for YOU to not take your husbands twisted ideas too. Bottom line. Divorce him, ask forgiveness for any sin you may have commited, and begin again! My IM and e-mail is on my Avatar. If my your pastor says my theories are incorrect and you have scripture to back it up, I would appreciate YOU contacting me with what his assumptions as to what this story means! I'm going to be hit by a bunch of e-mails by some bizzar cults and factions (I'll read them too. I like a good comedy) but yours is the only one I will focus on. I mean your living this problem! Who better to learn from than you?
2007-02-25 00:50:34 · answer #1 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, all I can say is that his behavior as you describe it does not sound to me like Chrisitian behavior. Think about it, a females only massage therapist??? Posting to a single's only website??? I'll add, though, that you are staying based on your Christian beliefs, yet you are asking for advice on a public forum where most people do not subscribe to or follow the same Christian beliefs you hold so dearly. Secondly, you ask for no scripture...
Do you want Christian advice or secular advice? Or BOTH? I'm a little confused. If it's Christian advice you want, I would suggest speaking with a Christian counselor-perhaps at your church.
If you want secular advice-just do what everyone else is suggesting and divorce him already. Most of the folks here on answers cannot answer your question about whether or not you'll be damned. Your best bet is to just read the scripture yourself and pray for guidance. The scripture is really clear on the subject of fornication and divorce... There is a world of difference between actually being a Christian and just calling yourself one.
Edit:
You say that he "cheated" BEFORE you got married? If that's the case, you new before hand that you were marrying a fornicator. What could you have possibly expected? Once again, not very "Christian" behavior for either of you. Best bet, again, just read what the scripture says about fornication and divorce...
I wish you the best...
2007-02-25 04:28:03 · answer #2 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I won't jump on the bandwagon here to tell you that your spouse is all bad things, because I don't know you or him.
I will say that this description sounds very abnormal, not your run-of-the-mill kind of losers like alcoholics or cheaters.
My best advice to you is follow your heart. I think from the looks of things, it's over between the both of you.
He will go on and find other losers, and they will in turn bring our society further down from the desperate state I see it in currently.
And you must do all in your power from "jumping from the frying pan into the fire".
That can happen, because from all I hear and see, the waters out there have many losers in them.
There once was a common expression..."Too many fish in the sea". Now the sea became contaminated, so it's more like skipping stones and avoid slipping.
In other words, you made a bad shot first time around, make darn sure you aim better next shot!
2007-02-25 04:12:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your husband quite clearly gives Christians a bad name. He is not what God intended husbands to be. He's turning it on you to put you on the defensive == it's just a tactic to take the attention off of him and his infidelity. It sounds like he's "using" his marriage to give credibility to his alleged Bible teaching. The Bible says in I Cor. 7:11 "let not the husband put away his wife" and further it says if the unbelieving departs, let him leave. You are not under bondage in such cases but God hath called us to peace." So quite clearly you will not be damned if he files. What's this "disobedient" "trust" "not on his side"?? and HE'S on a single's web site? What do you call that but disobedient, infidelity -- and as you know the Bible says if you think it you;ve done it in the eyes of the Lord (paraphrased). Don't you see he's been practicing infidelity and adultery but just looking at other women with lust in his eyes and by being on that "singles" web site while he's still married to you ---- and after only 5 months you separated. Thank God you caught on as fast as you did. He sounds like a total fraud to me.
2007-02-25 05:18:40 · answer #4 · answered by GrnEyedBlondeSwede 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's a true FrEaK. The kind you hear about on TV! I don't think those pearly gates will be opening wide for him. He is a fool if he thinks so...........He is using the bible and trying to hide behind it, if anyting God will smite him!
Did you say DISOBEDIENT??????? THAT IS A TERM USED FOR DOGS NOT A WIFE! Give him that divorce & you move on!! He has messed with your head to much already! I hope you don't believe any of that crap about yourself! Stop looking on the singles sites, you know already that he's on there & exactly what he is, stop torturing yourself. We will probably be hearing about him in the news, probably getting caught with a minor or another guy or a prostitute, who knows.. At least you won't be drug through the news with him if you are divorced.
2007-02-25 04:02:19 · answer #5 · answered by char__c is a good cooker 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would say, cut your losses (it's actually HIS loss, not yours) and leave it at that. don't try to salvage anything in this relationship, as he is obviously not serious about HIS vows, and does not believe in the marriage.
it sounds like he's very messed up and doesn't know what he wants or what he HAD (past tense)....
don't feel bad, because HE was the one who committed adultery before, when you were together. So, it's his word against yours, and for the time being, HE has to live with that, regardless of what he tells you to be the truth. He won't sleep a restful night, knowing that he was untruthful, and that he's committed such a heinous act against your marriage.
He'll burn in Hell for that, to be sure!
2007-02-25 04:04:38 · answer #6 · answered by argamedius 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband is ready to move on.
Religion aside, it sounds like you would benefit by divorcing and getting on with your own life. Life is too short to be unhappy. Move on and learn a few of the following skills (read books or take some seminars);
Learn to let go of the past, face reality, learn to cope with loneliness, (if children are involved) learn to deal with children and parenting issues, assume responsibility for yourself, grow through divorce and adjust to living single.
Once you can learn to deal with these issues, maybe you will be ready to start a new relationship.
Good luck to you.
2007-02-25 04:15:44 · answer #7 · answered by Mary R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's a controlling fruit cake, hiding behind the Bible to justify his actions. His "don't do as I do, but do as I say," way of thinking is weird. Slap papers on him, citing "irreconcilable differences," him oiling up other women in your home at one in the morning. I don't think the judge will buy his baloney stories, and much less keep from laughing . Maybe he cut out the part of his Bible where it says for men to also be obedient to their wives. Guys like him give religion a bad name. It's called "simony," that is using religion for your own gain, in this case feeling up other women. You know Jesus had no time for hypocrites that hid behind religion, like your hubby. Chow
2007-02-25 04:09:53 · answer #8 · answered by Clipper 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a christian..and i've done mistakes..im not perfect..no one is..but we do look upon people to get inspired from and help from when needed..people that are better christian than us..people who teach the word of God and know it better than us.
Now your husband is teaching people about the word of God..and he should be living by example..his actions do not compare with the words that come out of his mouth.
He is married and is looking for someone else on the internet..and has already cheated on you... that is not something acceptable..
He needs to get his act together..and you need to forgive him..but you need or should get out of that relationship.
Ask God what you should do..if you should stay or leave.
No one is perfect..but if he teaches..he has people that look up to him..and if they see him acting like this...they will not be following a good example..yes he needs forgiveness..but he should stop teaching..until he actually takes it seriously.
2007-02-25 05:07:34 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just leave him before you get an STD...
God will understand becuase he knows your husband's black heart.
I know a guy that was REALLY into the bible.
He molested all 5 females of his 7 kids and then went to church with them every Sunday.
Being a Christian has nothing to do with the way he is treating you.
2007-02-25 04:02:54 · answer #10 · answered by cop350zx 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋