Tonight I was so excited to get ready for my husband's birthday - we went out and drank enough to where we had to catch a taxi back home. When we got home, yes, we made love, but it wasn't that extensive. I figured it was because we drank, and tried to talk about it. BIG mistake - somehow the conversation became violent-gifts that my mother gave me were ripped apart, and hateful things were said; I was left with a dead cell phone and no car (we took mine to the restraunt to eat and drink) and am totally alone with our two kids; 3 years and 6 months. I have a knot on my head from him hitting me, and when he did this, I jumped up and hit him in the eye. I have been a victim of physical abuse before my husband, and he is a Marine home from Iraq (he came home in August.) He's not a fan of counseling and says I need to go home. Period. I am such an independant person - never will I give in to any physical abuse again. But is this different? My babies need better - but am I being too harsh?
2007-02-24 19:58:22 · 7 answers · asked by Jana Q 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't need any smartass answers, either
Just asking for a general opinion, so if you have anything mean to say, type it on someone else's question.
2007-02-24 20:02:22 · update #1
It is not your fault that he hit you. It is your fault that you got drunk though. Yours and his. If you hadnt have got drunk it probably wouldnt have happened ...but it did so theres no use going down that track.
If this is a one-off incident then maybe he just wasnt himself because he was drunk. BUT... you have to make sure it will never happen again. Like, is he remorseful about it?
It sounds like you are confused about what to do, and upset that he hurt you, but also feeling guilty about it as well?
I really pray that you can sort this out. For you and your husband but also for your children. BUT for your safety make sure you dont let violence be ok. IT is not ok. You do not deserve that and neither do your children.
Take care and i wish you all the very best. xoxox
2007-02-24 20:16:47 · answer #1 · answered by Nic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! That's a tough one. I can relate, to some extent, because I have been physically attacked by my wife on more than one occassion but resisted striking her back. It's been a couple of years since there has been any type of violence in our relationship and I don't expect it to ever happen again. We have other marital issues as well, but I've stayed in the hopes that the "bad" years will end and life will be grand again on the other side.
I've stayed mainly because of what my wife and daughters will lose if I were to leave. I'm not happy or fulfilled, but I do not want to abandon my wife and children even for the sake of my own happiness and fulfillment. My girls haven't done anything wrong to deserve that.
I can't give you any solid advice other than to suggest you seek professional counsel or counsel from the clergy or someone you can discuss the intimate details of your situation and marriage with.
I do wish you the best...
2007-02-25 04:13:35 · answer #2 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, I know exactly where your at. I've been there a lot with my husband and only recently did I finally start to see clearly. Though you were drunk, in no way does that ever make it OK to be hit. And as far as you hitting him back, be grateful that it ended there. For 7 years I found excuses on why I was partially to blame,and as a result all those feelings bottled up. In December he started to get violent again, and I snapped. I ended up in jail for Domestic Violence with a $6,000 bond a week before Christmas. Though the charges were dropped,the moral for me was I was only hurting my kids by coming up with reasons instead of solutions. I suggest you take action, and get counseling...if only so you save your children the pain.
2007-02-25 04:39:21 · answer #3 · answered by jenniferjwhite1979 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he just doesn't like conversation where he is made to feel inadequate, it puts him on the defense. something with in him really. when we have been in other relationships where we have been abused in some way we do tend to attract that type of man again and again. think it may have to do with our self worth. i do not think it is good to stay in any relationship where there is any kind of abuse, he should be adult enough to allow u to have your opinions, and talk about things, without getting violent over it. some men can't take any kind of criticism at all without becoming defensive.
2007-02-25 08:32:28 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, its the start of abuse. He obviously likes to have control, or maybe he was just under the influence of alcohol, but either way, its not good.
2007-02-25 04:01:40 · answer #5 · answered by c3345 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Brave soldier or not. A real man would never hit a woman. This is worse than cheating in my opinion.
How do you think that this is your fault?
2007-02-25 04:07:21 · answer #6 · answered by Joe B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
OK I think you need to move on. Think about what it'll do to your kids to see you two fight
2007-02-25 04:02:59 · answer #7 · answered by brewerfan78 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋