I've found out that my partner has been unfaithful (well tried to be) with a colleague at work. Thankfully she found out the situation & was honest enough to tell me about it. He persued her not once but twice & didn't tell her about me (it's a new job) until their second meeting & she took offence & left straight away. Now he says i should have been more affectionate & loving to him. I always thought he was the cold person in the relationship. I know this is wrong but i just need some reassurance so that i feel strong enough to keep him at a distance (we have a baby & young child together). I need some of your thoughts on this. We have been together for close to 8 years.
2007-02-24 19:50:00 · 14 answers · asked by Mishell 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your husband tried to have an affair with a female co-worker..He pursued her..came onto her..kept you in the dark about her..if this woman would have been willing to cross the line with him..he would be having an affair with her..you would still be in the dark about her.the sad part is..the other woman showed you more respect..cared more about you..than your own husband did..that should tell you a lot about the kind of man he is..the only thing your husband is sorry about is his plan to keep you in the dark.. back fired in his face..He can not justify it..so he transferred the blame onto you..My thought ..you are not wrong to think he was always the cold one in the relationship..because he is as cold as ice..willing to sacrifice your love..because that is the kind of man he is..
2007-02-24 21:07:27 · answer #1 · answered by noga 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i don't think there is any excuse for cheating. if there are affection or intimacy problems, then the spouse that feels that they are not getting enough should tell the other. especially in your situation where yous have been together for 8 years. you said you always thought he was the cold person but now you know that is wrong, if that is the case maybe you have some resentments towards him and that's why you act so coldly to him. but after finding out what he's done, you might be trying to rationalizing this by saying it's you and not him. ask him to sit down and talk about all of the things he sees as issues in your marriage. it might hurt both of yous but at least its out and yous can move on from there. whether it be counseling together or alone. i wish you lots of luck!
2007-02-25 07:18:51 · answer #2 · answered by jdchick48 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mentioned your "parnter" and not your husband, so in answering, I'm assuming you're not legally married even though you have two children together.
If that is indeed the case-8 years together without a marital commitment-the relationship is not to be anyway. If he's been with you for that long and hasn't asked you for marriage, he doesn't want a commitment to you and likely never will.
You say you want to feel strong enough to keep him at a distance. I'm not really sure what you mean by that since you seem to want to stay with him (I think).
By not asking you for marriage, he may just be keeping his options open.
I'm not sure what you want to hear, but hopefully it helps.
As far as an excuse for infidelity: I think people generally step outside when there is something missing at home that they want or need badly enough to take the risk without losing the marriage. The costs can be devastating (not just financially) to walk away from a marriage, especially when there are children involved. Is it morally justified-No.
2007-02-25 05:15:12 · answer #3 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I can tell you this much...until he stops trying to turn the situation around on you, I'd not forgive him. He needs to fess up and admit he's a liar and a cheat. I'm not saying your marriage isn't worth saving but so far he hasn't been man enough to admit he's wrong. I strongly recommend marriage counseling for the both of you. If he won't go and you plan to stay with him then go by yourself. I hope it all works out and you'll have a long and happy life together.
2007-02-25 03:58:42 · answer #4 · answered by Im Listening 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Guys Always Try To Make Things Your Fault Dont Listen. He was 100% the one in the wrong. Keep Your Head Up You Deserve Better Than That!!
2007-02-25 03:55:04 · answer #5 · answered by ♥Lin 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
he blames u to distract the guilt from himself and place it on u so he will not feel the guilt involved with his wrong doing. just a cop out, so he will not have to take responsibility for his actions. my ex was always cold too, and emotionally there was nothing there, he cheated, abandoned me, when i asked why he blamed it all on me. when a person dies this, he is not looking at himself in any way, but it is all about him and what is inside him. personally he will do it again, because he justifies his actions by blaming the victim, you. get away from him and start a new life, or u will have to keep suffering over and over again.
2007-02-25 08:37:48 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should be more affectionate and loving toward him. having babies takes a lot out of a woman ...he obviously isnt aware of that. he needs to make more of an effort to understand the draining capabilities of mothering two younguns also. check the local colleges or friends or family members who can babysit for a couple hours or for an afternoon or evening so you and your hubby can relite the fires that got those babies started!! peace
2007-02-25 03:59:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I beleive in destiny but I still think you have to fight to save your marriage. Especially if you have children.
This ebook is a good resource to understand causes of your marital issues and to learn some important tips --> http://savemarriage.toptips.org
2014-09-27 00:39:31 · answer #8 · answered by Greg 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is NO excuse at all!!! I have heard that bull$hit before about not being affectionate and stuff and it is seriously a crock of $hit!!! Sorry this happened to you:( I would definitely move on. Good luck to you and keep your chin up :)
2007-02-25 03:54:47 · answer #9 · answered by butterfly_tat_luver79 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
as for me i always believe that a man will never ever cheat unless he's lacking something at home...u already have ur kids..fight to keep ur man...sit with urself and think honestly on what areas u went short? it might have been the quality of giving him sex...u dont listen much to him...a key point for any two a man has a baby inside if u know how to tackle this baby he's forever for u
2007-02-25 04:11:09 · answer #10 · answered by Meme 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋