HuRrY hElp???

Question

im so f u c k i n g bored rite now n i just noticed its 3:40am ... so some1 tell me a funny story or somethin ... i don wanna go 2 sleep... 2 much soda..lolzZ (n i hav a life ... juz that im online at a very late time... on yahoo...?? yea) so some1 tell me ur sad ... funny.... happy.... etc. i wanna hear them.... im listenin .. and if u want advise..(i work as them pplz that give advise) leave ur email or somethin.... and ill answer u...k so

Answer 1

Okay, here's something funny...

A priest, a rabbi and a monk walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this, a joke?"

LMAO! OKay....so it's crazy to laugh at my own joke..just heard it, btw.

Another funny...

"These nicotine patches don't work worth a damn....it's hard to keep them lit!" ~ ha ha haaa!

Ohh, oh, and one more...

Here's an ad seen in a Classified:

"FOR SALE: Parachute. Used only once. Never opened. Small stain."

OOHhh, and I can't forget this one...

Right now, I'm having amnesia and deja vu, at the same time...I think I've forgotten this before!

HAhhhaaaaa!

...Well, I hope you liked these as much as I did..when I first heard them..it's almost 1am here, and I got my second wind, and can't sleep, either..I'm just checking out the funny quotes, and joke pages to keep me entertained!!

Answer 2

there was a retarded person that couldnt sleep and by observation needed meds . so the tard took the pills and went to sleep

Answer 3

Count the number of flies in your house, i'm sure that will keep you busy :o)

Answer 4

My friend Jennifer wrote this in her yahoo 360 blog about driving a school bus full of elementary age kids....very funny!


MOST OF THESE CHILDREN HAVE "ISSUES"... 1 LIL BOY DOESN'T LIKE BLACK KIDS... TOLD ME POINT BLANK... I "AINT SITTIN WITH NO N****R... MY DADDY SAYS I AIN'T SITTIN NEXT TO NO N****R"... HE'S 10!... ANOTHER LIL BOY WILL STAB ANYONE WITHIN ARMS REACH WITH A PENCIL IF THEY LOOK AT HIM THE WRONG WAY... I HAVE ANOTHER WHO LIKES TO DO BOOGER ART ON HER WINDOW... AND 1 WHO LIKES THE SOUND OF HER SQUEALING HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMS AT 600 DECIBELS, SHE'S A FUTURE OPERA SINGER... AND THEN THERE'S LIL RICHARD PRYOR... FUNNY MAN... LIKES TO DO A STAND-UP COMEDY ROUTINE... CUSSES WORSE THAN ...WELL... ME! TELLS ME... "LOOK BUSSY... YOU BETTER DRIVE THIS ****** BUS RIGHT!"... THEN THERE WERE 4 LIL PAPER AIRPLANE ARTISTS... AFTER TELLING THEM 3 TIMES TO STOP THROWING THEIR PAPER PLANES AROUND ON THEIR 1ST RIDE ON MY BUS, I PULLED OVER, AND TOLD THEM .."WOW... THOSE ARE THE COOLEST PLANES I HAVE EVER SEEN... WHO MADE THESE AND HOW DID YOU MAKE THEM FLY SO GOOD?!!"... THEY WERE VERY EAGER TO TELL ME... SO I PROCEEDED TO HAVE THEM PUT THEIR NAMES ON THEM SO I COULD SHOW MY MIDDLE SCHOOL KIDS WHAT AWESOME PLANES THEY MADE... AND THEY DID SO WITH SHEER PRIDE... AFTER I HAD THE PLANES WITH THEIR NAMES, I TURNED THE BUS AROUND, TOOK THEM BACK TO SCHOOL, GOT A SCHOOL OFFICIAL, TOLD HER THAT THESE 4 BOYS ( I HAD THEIR NAMES) WERE WARNED TO STOP WITH THE PLANES AND THEY WOULDN'T... I FURTHER TOLD HER THAT THESE NEW KIDS I HAVE NOW HAVE BEEN OUT OF CONTROL SINCE AUGUST AND IT STOPS TODAY!!! CALL THEIR PARENTS , BECAUSE I AM NOT TAKING THEM HOME UNTIL THEY LEARN TO LISTEN... AND SHE DID JUST THAT...THE NEXT MORNING ONE OF THE LIL AIRPLANE ENGINEERS TOLD ME HE WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO SIT STILL FOR LONG, SINCE HIS GRAND MOMMA TORE HIS BEHIND UP FOR HAVING TO COME GET HIM WHILE HER SOAPS WERE STILL ON!!!... I TOLD HIM TO DO HIS BEST~~~

I WAS GIVEN THIS PORTION OF ANOTHER DRIVER'S ROUTE BY THE SCHOOL BOARD'S TRANSPORTATION OFFICE, BECAUSE SHE HAD TOO MANY COMPLAINTS THAT THE KIDS WERE OUT OF CONTROL... THEY WERE ALWAYS HANGING OUT OF THE WINDOWS... SITTING ON THE BACKS OF THE SEATS... THROWING STUFF FROM THE WINDOWS, ETC... WELL... LET ME TELL YA... WHEN I PULLED INTO THE SCHOOL ON WEDNESDAY MORNING,( my 2nd time having those angels) 3 SCHOOL OFFICIALS WERE STANDING OUTSIDE WAITING FOR MY BUS... EVERY LAST CHILD ON MY BUS WAS SITTING, FACING FORWARD... TALKING AT A WHISPER... THEIR MOUTHS DROPPED... THEY ASKED ME WHAT MY SECRET WAS... I TOLD THEM I HAD NO SECRET ... I WAS JUST DOING MY JOB...

BUT REALLY IF THEY WANT TO KNOW... AND MY OWN KIDS WILL AGREE... I AM ONE OF THE SCARIEST, MEANEST LOOKING WOMEN YOU WILL EVER WITNESS ONCE YOU PISS ME OFF... AT LEAST TO A KID, ANYWAYS... LMFAO... I PULLED THAT BUS OVER THE FIRST TIME I HAD THOSE KIDS... POUNDED MY FIST ON THE HOLLOW METAL ROOF AND SCREAMED HEY!!!! AND I GAVE THEM THE LOW DOWN FOR THEIR NEW BUS... THE RULES AND THE CONSEQUENCES... I TOLD THE DADDY OF THE BIGOT KID THAT AFTERNOON IF HE DIDN'T LIKE WHERE I SAT HIS CHILD... HE COULD HIS TAKE HIS TRUCK OFF THE CINDER BLOCKS AND TAKE HIM TO AND FROM SCHOOL HISSELF... I MADE THE LIL GIRL WHO PUTS BOOGERS ON MY WINDOW WINDEX HER SNOT OFF THAT WINDOW AND KEEP CLEANING UNTIL SHE GOT HOME... AND SHE DID... RICHARD PRYOR SITS BEHIND ME NEXT TO THE WINDOW AWAY FROM HIS ENTOURAGE, I MADE HIM WRITE ME AN APOLOGY LETTER OR I'D TELL HIS MOM AND THE SCHOOL AND HAVE HIM SUSPENDED FROM MY BUS, AND HE DID... THE STABBER SITS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF ME BY HIMSELF NEXT TO THE WINDOW AND THE OPERA SINGER HASN'T SQUEALED SINCE I "TALKED" TO HER FACE-TO-FACE... I MEAN REALLY CLOSE FACE-TO-FACE CONTACT... MY PAPER AIRPLANE ENGINEERS NO LONGER MAKE OR THROW THEM ON THE BUS~~

I PUT THESE KIDS IN ASSIGNED SEATS WHERE THEY BELONG... AND NOT WITH THEIR PALS... AND I HAVE HAD NO PROBLEMS... THEY PUT THEIR LITTLE HANDS IN THE AIR MAKING THE PEACE SIGN WHEN THE BUS IS STOPPED... IT'S MY RULE... IF THE WHEELS AREN'T MOVING... NEITHER DO THEIR MOUTHS!!! I ALREADY GET SWEET HUGS EVERY MORNING FROM THE YOUNGER ONES... AND YESTERDAY AFTERNOON, I REWARDED THEM WITH BIG OLE CHOCOLATE BARS... SO FAR... SO GOOD. THEY ALL TELL ME BYE MISS JENNIFER... ARE YOU GONNA BE OUR BUS DRIVER FOREVER?... LOL... WE LIKE OUR NEW BUS...