I got divorced about 6 months ago. This lady just wrote me and said a buncha stuff about my ex. i got SOO MAD i got chest pains and now i wish he would just get hit by a car. is this the anger stage of the grieving process? if so what step is it ( step 1, step 2 ?) and i dont really cre about him at all or like him so am i even greieving or am i just mad at all the heck he put me through over the years.
2007-02-24 19:35:10 · 3 answers · asked by lady26 5 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
am i just grieving for the years i lost out of my life instead of for him and i hate him because he is the culprit and the reason for my misery.
2007-02-24 19:39:06 · update #1
The "stages" of grief theory that you are talking about is from noted grief and death theorist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross proposed. It is misunderstood as a "stage" theory, because lay people tend to think that one neatly goes through separate, distinct stages of resolving one's own or another's death. In fact, one may NOT go through all the "stages", may go through them simultaneously, skip from one to another, not go through the feelings sequentially as she has them listed, and so on. It is important to know that there are no distinct "steps", as you put it. Her theory has at times also been proposed for use with such loss issues as divorce and so on as well but she did not intend them to be so used.
What you are describing is certainly anger--I don't think anyone would deny that you are feeling angry to want him to "just get hit by a car". As to whether this is part of your healing process is an entirely different issue though.
You, and everyone else, has a right to their feelings--whether anger or whatever else you may feel. As to whether it is emotionally healthy for you to feel this way is another question. Personally, I think that you are mad as all get out for many reasons. You may want to look at keeping this destructive emotion in your life though. After all, it isn't as if HE is losing any sleep over whether or not you're angry. And the destructiveness of the emotions in your own life is damaging to you.
FYI--I'm a psychologist, been through lots of my own therapy too, and at times I can still get pretty worked up over my ex who left me when I was still at university with a 2 week old baby to care for with no money and no support or help while he was out partying with his Hollywood rock 'n' roll friends. But then, I realize that I've had a great life since he left. I got over the majority of my anger by trying a simple exercise suggested by my therapist at UCLA where I was a student at the time-- everyday for 30 days, I wrote affirmations about how I wanted him to have a happy life, to get all that he wanted from life and so on--you get the picture. I was able to turn the feelings of hatred that were burning me up into more constructive ones of taking care of myself and my child. If you really want to let go of him, you also need to realize that he is STILL causing you pain through your angry feelings for him, still very much a part of your life.
Move on--he's not worth it!
2007-02-24 20:05:40 · answer #1 · answered by Megumi D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What? Have not one of the solutions watched a baseball interest? LOL there's no "fourth base". this is called a house Run!. lots for the hopes for the greater youthful technology taking over... j/ok
2016-10-01 22:55:39 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its just being you pissed off. the anger came from an outside cause not from within (the lady saying something) .
2007-02-24 19:40:06 · answer #3 · answered by deus82 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋