What are the pros and cons of moving in together before marriage with your girlfriend or spouse?

Answer 1

Pros: You get to see how they really are, experience who they are when they aren't trying to impress you. You don't have to wait to see them when you have questions, you want to cuddle, some other activities.

Cons: You get to see how they really are. It's a pro and a con depending on who the person is. You may or may not fight more. When you are living on your own, you do things your way, as she does things her way, and when they collide, it may be good, or an ugly sight.

Good Luck! :-)

Answer 2

Let's first dispel one myth. You CANNOT move in together before marriage with a spouse. Think about it.

There are practical pros but one very big con, so you have to be careful about this. The pros include the cost of living, especially of renting an apartment in or near a city. Also the physical support you can give each other, like running errands and taking care of each other through an illness. The con is that if you've only chosen for convenience and who's attracted your attention at the time, you're stuck with that roommmate once you find it won't work out. Also, it's tricky but possible for this to lead to a lasting marriage. It does show an increased rate of failure, though.

Answer 3

Everyone is likely to be strongly in favor of this one or strongly opposed to it. Personally, I'm opposed to the idea.

This is kind of off the top of my head, but:

Living together BEFORE marriage is not the same as living together AFTER marriage. So, if you're considering it to be a "test drive" it's really not. The reason is because people change when that "lifetime" commitment is made. You can't just walk away anymore. Well, you can, but there is much to lose, usually, for both partners.

Secondly, I've heard that statistics show living together prior to is the number one indicator of a marriage likely to end in divorce. I don't know the source, I just heard it on a talk show.

Thirdly, it cheapens the value of your ultimate marital commitment. Why, you ask? Think about it using the "test drive" principle. It's not much of a car anymore when you've been test driving it for years. It's used up. Pretty soon you'll want to trade it in for a newer model. Especially when you can test drive for as long as you want. You're buying based on "material value" (which will ultimately fade) and not on "sentimental value" (because you choose to love her and commit to her-like a collectible or antique).

Or, you could say, after getting the milk for free for so long, what's the point in even buying the cow? Where's the incentive? Love, you say? Well, if there was so much love, why is necessary for her to prove her "material" value to you before you commit to her? If she does agree to prove her material value (features and benefits) to you by allowing you to test drive her first, she may want to relax and rest easy, once you've "bought" her. She won't have the need anymore to prove her value. She's free to let herself go. At least, she thinks she is.

Besides, if you're concerned about test driving first, the only thing of significance you're really finding out is how good of a sex partner she is on a daily basis. There is very little else you need to live with someone first to find out.

Finally, there are the moral issues-which, of course, won't matter to you anyway if you're already doing her before marriage.

Answer 4

I lived with my first wife for about nine months before we got married and it was the marriage from HELL. My second wife and I decided we wouldn't live together until we were married and it was Heaven on EARTH. You don't need to live together to get to know someone, but you do need to spend a lot more time before commiting to marry someone. Once you move in together, the idea of we aren't compatible so get out doesn't quite work out as well as you think. The only pro I can see sitting in your shoes about living together is that you don't need to get married if you're already playing house. What's left after that other than signing a piece of paper commiting to someone you're already living with. That's kind of redundant isn't it??????? If you love each other enough to want to share a household then marry her - it's the only honorable thing to do.

Answer 5

I think that it is a great idea. You get an idea of how the other person is at all times. Would you buy a car without test driving it? Well marriage is way more important, if you are not compatible living together and the relationship is not going to work, it is better to find out before you get married.

Answer 6

You just get to know everything about them. I lived with my husband for 8 years before we got married, way too long!!!! The wedding was special of course but more a fun setting then romantic because we had done just about everything together over the years with the same group of friends and family.
I don't see the need to get married first as it is so expensive and it is lovely to save the money together and know the day was something you both put time, money and energy into.

Answer 7

Apart from the obvious benefits from having a roommate (shared rent and other costs), the pros of living with a girlfriend (and assuming you are serious about maybe marrying her someday) is that you will get a much better idea if she is the person you want to marry. All in all, you get a much more balanced picture of who she is.

The cons? It's pretty much like being married. Kiss your freedom, privacy, and 12-hour sessions on the Playstation goodbye.

Answer 8

There are only "cons" - it's nice and special to have the commitment of marriage, and be totally ready to spend your life with the spouse - so everything you discover about each other is after you are married. It's just special.

Answer 9

con- possibility of more bickering
pro- opportunity to figure out how to deal with conflicts with each other- make up kissing and what have you....

con- you could figure out you hate each other after a month and then you're stuck in a renting contract and having to deal with that mess
pro- you could figure out you gel really well and can feel more confidant about getting married or taking your relationship further

and you could play that game forever... bottom line- it's a leap of faith...

the only thing different between this and moving in with a friend or having a college roommate is you have love at stake... but as others have said it's better know before you're married and she decides she hates you for throwing your socks on the floor and you hate her for nagging you to do the dishes every night... luckily and woefully i have a year or so before i am in your shoes... so let me know how it goes, haha! good luck!

Answer 10

You might be traditional or your parents might be & then they're upset. You can stay home longer & save for your own place because you're not paying rent. You know what you're getting when you get married because you already know their bad habits. There's no pressure to hurry up & get married because the only difference it makes when you're already living together is whether you say husband/wife or girlfriend/boyfriend. We moved in together for 18 months before we were married. It saves a messy divorce if the person isn't who you thought they were when you were living apart... I'd recommend it.