ok now some one please help me. me and my husbend been married a year now.Well, he has 4 other kids dont live with us but one of them.the piont is every since i been with him they always have tryed to split us up.dont no why i have never said anything to them nor done nothing to them.they have there dad do things for them that they no that will have us fight over, and we do. when we go places they like put me in back of the line and the girls are always up front with daddy holding his hands, if we are sitting on a couch and iam beside my husbend they jump on his lap where i got to move out of the way. and these kids are 19,21, it just isnt right what iam i supposed to do.
2007-02-24 18:20:13 · 10 answers · asked by mary c 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
also i they would tell him i didnt love him and i would leave him, well today we are married,but the problem with them is not going away. something needs to be done.
2007-02-24 18:22:21 · update #1
Wow, they act like that at 19 and 21 .. geeze.. talk about immature.. but nonetheless.. they have security issues when it comes to their dad, they have obviously always been the apple of daddy's eyes and they feel like ur threatening their territory, now the main problem isnt ur step children its your husband, 1. you should always be a united front with everyone including the children.
2. He should be the one setting them straight, and letting them know that this is getting to be ridiculous behavior..
3. he should be smart enough to realize that kids will do this, try to cause problems and he should be taking ur side in atleast most if not all situations as u are his wife..
Its one thing to put ur children first when they are in harms way, but normal day to day trivial things he should always be on your side, even in the bible it says, that u should always put ur spouse before all others.. (including children)
Your husband is the one that needs to say enough is enough, ur husband is the one that needs to stand by ur side, your husband is the one that should be holding your hand and forbidding them to let them come between u and him.. and they are quite old enough to handle this.. they arent 4 and 5.. for petes sake, he needs to treat them like adults, and make them act like adults and not spoiled children..
2007-02-24 18:45:35 · answer #1 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a step-daughter who lives with us. She is always in competition with me for her dads attention. She's younger (13yr old) than your step-kids but the issue is similar. Your husband needs to talk to his kids and explain that this (jumping into his lap and treating you badly) is not acceptable behavior and the he's married to you and you're not going anywhere. He also needs to let them know that just because he's married doesn't mean that he doesn't love them. You may also want to try counseling with him and the children if his talking to them doesn't work. That's what I'm doing right now. Sometimes it does take a third party to help with these problems.
2007-02-24 18:37:18 · answer #2 · answered by micherieamor 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They are at the ages where they should be into their own lives and not minding their Father's life. They may grow out of it.
If you are really committed to the man then you two should talk: a lot.
If he is supportive of you and tries to get the kids to be nice to you and stop their jealousies, then it can work but you and your husband have to take a lot of time to be sure of each other and present a unified couple that no one can tear apart.
2007-02-24 18:26:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
19 and 21 year old girls are hopping on daddy's lap? Sounds like their relationship with daddy is a little ... off. They are competing with you for his affection and showing you that he belongs to them, but honestly, they're acting like lovers rather than children. I'd be creeped out by that.
Honestly, there's not much you can do. Your husband has to put a stop to their behavior, because they won't listen to you.
2007-02-24 18:27:51 · answer #4 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should sit him down and talk to him and tell him if he does not get things under control then you will be leaving him and filing for divorce because he is not taking care of things that need to be done with his kids . They are adults and he needs to speak to them as such . tell them just how it is .If does not go the way you want you should move on .
2007-02-25 01:01:54 · answer #5 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im in the same position as those kids and im on their side, y? bcoz they are feeling that u are taking the place of their mother and it hurts, when my mum dated a man i hated him, i didnt even know him and i hated his guts i kno wat ur stepkids are going thru, dont try and disipline they are going to hate u more then ever and they will make ur life a living hell, trust me i kno. this will be the time when they stick together and they will be doing this to drive u out, stand ur ground and every time they misbehave dont do anything get their dad too, if u do they will use it against you, and when u said u have neva spoken to them, i think thats ur problem how can u xpect them to like u if u dont try to be nice to them, be nice, cook their favourite meals, ask them about there day, ask them about there problems, take them out, go out to places as a family and communicte with them, its going to be hard but you'll gain their respect.
2007-02-24 18:33:28 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hehehe 19 and 21? sitting on his lap? and he allows that? I dont they are the problem. he is. what are you there for? what exactly is your role in his life? what role do you want to 'play' in his life? ask him. you might need to consider that youre a 'filler' in his life for when his kids arent around. You should come first.
He should make you feel first so you wouldnt feel left out even when he does pay attention to them. try couples counseling. good luck. peace
2007-02-24 18:27:36 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok these kids have serious issues with letting their father have a life. you need to talk to your husband about this and then hopefully he will talk to them about it. and you need to let him know how much you love him. and just try to ignore the kids as much as possible. when their there let them be with their dad. don't be a threat by being near him sooner or later they may actually back down once they see that you truely love them and aren't afriad of them
2007-02-24 18:26:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
SEEMS to me he puts his children first.LOOKS like to me your there to cook and clean and have love making.
2007-02-24 18:26:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just like any other child,
2007-02-24 18:38:18 · answer #10 · answered by brp_13 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋