Wishing my mom would say something after my abortion.?

Question

This past July I had an abortion with a private clinic, initails PPH. It was suppose to be private but some how or another my parents insurance was billed. I came home to my mom waving a bill in my face demanding to know if it was what she thought it was. I told her yes. What is bothering me is that she never asked if I was ok. She started crying, said I killed her grandchild, and mopped for day without speaking to me. Things are back to normal but becuase she never asked once how I was, or how I felt I hate her. She speaks to me and I think evil thoughts about her. I don't respect anything advise she tells me and I think she is selfish. Am I mad at myself, or do I have a reason to be so mad at her?

Answer 1

honestly i think ure mad at yourself for the decision to get pregnant and have the abortion. Maybe she is also mad that you weren't able to come to her for suggestion and to apologize for being in that situation. sorry

Answer 2

I'm sure that you do feel guilt. I cannot judge you because I do not know your circumstances. I do not condone abortion, but had one myself many years ago. Go figure. You never know what a person is going through until you have walked in their shoes. I wish that I had made a different choice, but at the time I felt that an abortion was my only option.I regret it and would never do it again, but what's done is done. I cannot change the past. My mom took me to have the abortion. after it was done she said that i did the best thing. she said it would have been a child from hell. her words absolutely crushed me and made me sick. I couldn't believe that she would say something like that. maybe your mom is hurt that you did not go to her when you realized that you were pregnant. We expect our parents to show us unconditional love. I know what you are going through. You made the decision that you thought was best for you. Learn from this experience and give your mom some time. Talk to here and tell her how her how much she is hurting you and acknowledge the fact that you know she is also hurt. You do have a reason to be mad at her, but remember she loves you so therefore she has lost a part of you. She is grieving and so are you. Let her know that you as her daughter need her support right now.

Answer 3

Those saying that your mom feels hurt because you couldn't go to her are most likely correct. Sometimes shock can make us say things we don't mean. Talk to her and tell her how you feel, it certainly can't get any worse.

Now, on the subject of abortion and some of the comments made here. You cannot kill a soul, it is eternal. Abortion takes away the chance to experience life, and thus may alter God's plan for that soul, but still the soul survives. If you are going to trash this girl for what she's done, at least put your religious view into proper focus, instead of making those of us who believe in life after death and a higher power look like raving bible thumpers. Honestly, i wonder sometimes how some people can preach life and love and belief in a higher power and still be completely and utterly terrible toward another.

In my own opinion, i understand the points being made on why a woman should choose abortion, unfortunately i just don't agree with them. To have sex you must be able to live with the possibility that you might have a child, and if you cannot care for or raise the child then you can have the child put up for adoption even before it is born, to a loving family who will raise the child properly. I certainly am not going to condemn this girl for what she did, but if i am going to criticize the answers of others my own opinions needed to be stated in black and white.

Answer 4

(A) Please don't believe the asshats who are calling you selfish for having an abortion.

(B) To all the asshats judging this person for having an abortion: There are a million different circumstances under which a woman can have an abortion without being "selfish." For example:

-Not feeling mentally/emotionally capable of supporting a child. Is it healthy for a child to be raised by someone in this frame of mind?

-Recognizing that you're not mature enough to raise a child. Again, the consequences for the child are NOT good.

-Not being financially independent. Kids cost a LOT of money, and not being able to support a kid has a negative toll on the child as well as on the parent.

-Not being in a stable relationship. Being a parent is tense enough when you HAVE someone to help you. But going it alone, or bringing a child into a rocky relationship and projecting the relationship troubles onto the kid, are NOT good for the kid.

Sweetie, you're not selfish for having an abortion.

As for your mother...she probably has a lot of concern/anger/frustration to work through. How much time has passed? If it hasn't been more than a few months, give her time to work through it. If it gets to be a long time and she STILL isn't talking to you about this, then you can ask her about it and try to initiate a dialogue.

/never had an abortion

Answer 5

If you don't feel guilty about it, you are probably not mad at yourself. It's understandable that you would be mad at your mom. She IS your mom, and even if she doesn't agree with what you do, her first concern should always be you. However, this is something that's hard for her to deal with, so cut her some slack, give it a while longer. Then discuss it with her. Tell her the reason you made this decision, tell her that it hurt you that she didn't ask if you were OK. The main thing is, if you are feeling guilty, ask for help dealing with it. If you're not feeling guilty, don't let anyone make you feel guilty. You made a decision that I assume you thought was best for you, and that's good enough for me, and the law.

Answer 6

Honestly I think you're maybe mad at yourself and at her, abortion is a very difficult thing to go through. Honestly just talk to your mother about how you feel, tell her you're upset that she never asked how you were. Maybe your mother is dealing with it in her own way as well, and maybe has negative feelings towards you too. You really need to get it all out into the open =\

And please just ignore the flamers here, what's done is done and you can't take it back. And to the person who said that the poster was being selfish because she killed her mother's grandchild, you don't really know the situation do you? Maybe the poster thought about the benefits/cons of getting an abortion or not. It's her decision, and it's kind of selfish on the mother's part imo.

Answer 7

You done the right thing in your situation whatever it maybe. I supprot you 100% Dont listern to these people who are judging you as they wouldnt have a clue in the situation. Im so sick of the negativity that comes out the word 'Abortion'. Honestly i would rather someone abort then have the child and abuse it, or cannot provide for the child. Anyway about your mum, I think you are looked for her support, never got it and that is why you never told her the first time. I think she is very selffish, self centred. I thought as a mother you are surposed to supprot you child no matter what and try to understand. I dont know how you can resolve this other then talk to her. would that work though?? If not move on and trust in yourself you made the right choice. All the best.

Answer 8

Your mother IS incredibly selfish to react in that way...but she's also human, don't forget that. Don't stoop to her level and treat her the way she's treated you.

Have you tried to be open with her and just tell her how you feel? That might help. Perhaps she doesn't realize how selfish her actions and words were, or how much she hurt you. Or perhaps she DOES realize that and she's embarassed and just trying to bury it all in her mind and forget about it by ignoring it.

At any rate, something needs to be said out loud...you might feel a little better just by getting your feelings out in the open. Even if she doesn't respond to that.

My mom did pretty much the same thing to me...but the strange part is that I was a married 27 year old and pregnant...I told my parents and expected them to be SO happy...well, my Pops was excited about my pregnancy but my mom reacted HORRIBLY to it. At first she refused to say anything...and I finally said, "Mom? What do you think?" and she goes, "I don't really care, I don't WANT you to be pregnant." and then she told me she did NOT want "that baby" being born on her birthday (I was due the week after her birthday). She also tried numerous times to get to me to do dangerous things in hopes of causing me to miscarry (like she tried to force me to climb a ladder and carry down a heavy pot from the cupboard...I absolutely refused. And there are other things as well). She was really super jealous and miserable about it. As it is, my daughter was born 3 months early and me and her nearly died...my mom wasn't even around then either. NOW all of a sudden she wants to be #1 Grandma and it pisses me off.

But I digress! I just want you to know I know how you feel.

And it's possible that you could be mad at yourself, or feel guilty, but you SHOULDN'T feel that way. Really, your mom reacted in a very selfish way and I think you have every right to feel hurt by her actions. I just hope that, in time, you and her are able to mend those hurt feelings. Good Luck...

Answer 9

First of all I'll address the insurance. IF you are a minor and your parents are responsible for you ANY medical treatments you get ANYWHERE (and the intitials for Planned Parenthood are PP by the way...) will automatically be billed to your parents medical insurance because the medical provider is ENTITLED to be paid for their services. IF you had no means of payment at the time of your abortion (Did you offer to pay in cash and was that cash payment made up front which is STANDARD POLICY for ANY medical provider?) The "responsible party" meaning your parents insurance company would be billed. If you didn't WANT the insurance company to be billed then you should have had the cash payment right there and then. Stop blaming your mother for a decision you made. You have NO reason to be mad at her. I'm pro choice and I can understand how she would feel...you didn't even bother to talk this over with her. If you were my daughter I would HOPE you would at least be up front enough to come to me and talk to me...As a pro choice mother I would be supportive of ANY choice my daughter made but I would HOPE she would want me to be there whatever HER decision. As for "you killed her grandchild"...and the fact that other's here are claming you're a murderer...Well muder is a term used to define the killing of a BORN human. Those with reading comprehension problems will read this to mean that I have said that what is inside the uterus is not human...please read that I said BORN human as opposed to NON-BORN human or Human FETUS or depending on how far along you were in your pregnancy a human ZYGOTE or a human EMBRYO. None of these are BORN there for no muder has taken place. As far as this being your mother's grandchild...since it wasn't BORN it wasn't a child at all...again it was either a ZYGOTE, EMBRYO or FETUS depending on where you were in the pregnancy. I can't tell you whether you are mad at yourself...just that you really have no right or reason to be mad at your mother...after all she IS only a human MOTHER....meaning BORN. Forgive her for being human...afterall I'm sure you want her to forgive YOU for being the same

Answer 10

How does your mother feel about abortion? Did you take that into consideration? I know - it's your life, you can do as you feel. But now, Mom knows, and though you say "things are back to normal" you know that they really aren't, because you are angry. If you really hate her, and you are old enough and mature enough to make decisions like having sex or having an abortion, then kick rocks. Get your own health insurance, or don't, but get your name off your folks' policies and pay your own way. You want to have the freedom to make choices and be independent, then you need to pay the consequences, financially, morally, and emotionally.

Answer 11

she reacted that way cause she is hurt that u could not go to her. I think u are upset about ur situation and u should talk to her about it. I dont think the comments that others have made about u "killing ur baby and there grandchild" is helping. abortion is a big issue and i dont think u would of entered into that decision lightly. Talk to ur mum hun and maybe you can work it out. Hope i helped. xox