Is this selfish? Question about adult children and granchildren.?

Question

Is it selfish to want to retire and live in a place of your dreams ,several states away.( with a second husband) But I feel horibile guilt of leaving, I help them out alot,(not that they are doing anything bad, just financial stuff) I feel really quilty if I leave, they depend on me so much,(i help them out a lot) but. I really do want to retire and move with my husband.I love my kids,and grandkids,so much, but i also love my husband. If i quit my job, I wont have the same money to help them out. I'm confused, I love them so much, but I want a life too , my husband is even older than myself by 10 years and is ready to retire. His children are doing well financially, so that is'nt a problem for him, but sometimes mine do need help, and if i do this ,I won't be able to help them the way I do now. I'm not sure what to do?

Answer 1

In a way, you've created this problem by allowing yourself to be the gravy train for your kids. You've probably rushed to their rescue without their even having to ask. Now you realize that because of their dependency on you, it would almost be cruel to leave the little darlings to fend for themselves.

Time to cut the umbilical cord. Sit down with them and tell them your plans to retire and move. Let them know that you love them, that you'll visit them, and that they can come and visit you, etc. Also, let them know that you will be on a reduced income and that it will be all that you can do to take care of yourself, what with the cost of living being what it is these days.

You can do this, you NEED to do this, and, if your kids are ever going to be independent, you MUST do this.

Enjoy!

Answer 2

My parents moved from California to Hawaii to retire when my kids were in grade school. We couldn't see them very often, but visits were always cherished.

If your children have children, then they should be adults and on their own. You did your job. You raised them. Now it's their turn to raise their kids. You deserve a life with your husband that you enjoy. If you are far from the grand kids, they will figure out a way to keep in touch. Since you are computer literate, you should have no problem keeping in touch with email, websites, photos, etc.

I say, LIVE YOUR DREAM! God knows you sacrificed enough when you were raising your kids!

Enjoy!

Answer 3

Retire. You worked hard, raised your kids and now this is your time to enjoy. You can come visit whenever you want but certainly do not feel guilty. As well, you are being disrespectful to the husband if you are assisting too much. You don't make him feel like the man when you are helping out too much.

Go enjoy!

Answer 4

It's your "job" to raise your children to be independant, when they are of age. After they are adults, it's up to them to do what they need to do as adults. You cannot raise them until they're 50! If they are still depending on you after they are adults, you're only hurting them. I was the same way as your children (always depending on someone to help bail me out when I was careless with my finances). The family members that always helped me out have either passed away or was on a fixed income, and guess what..............I had to help myself, become more responsible, and GROW UP! Yes, I'm saying this about MYSELF! Had they continued to help me out and bail me out of financial ruts, because of my own immaturity, I would have never learned responsibility and learned to do things on my own. I know my family loves me, and I love them dearly, I've never been upset when they told me they couldn't help me any more. I'm sure it hurt them more to tell me 'no' (they spoiled me rotten as I was growing up). But, I feel so successful NOW that I have to do it all on my own. As far as your grandchildren go, it's not like you'll never see them any more! You'll visit them, they'll visit you; you just won't be able to visit them on an every day ocassion. You deserve to live the rest of your life happily with your husband! Good luck, sweetie! Take my advise! Everything will be okay. It may be hard at first, but it WILL be okay!

Answer 5

You should retire and explain to your kids that they are old enough to provide for themselves. This may sound harsh but if they need money they need to get rid of some things. If they are needing extra money for food than they should get rid of their cable t.v networks. To add to one area you have to take form another. They should also look into opening a booth in a flea market. This will help organize the house and bring in some extra money.

Answer 6

If your children are adults, they have to live their own lives. You have already helped them and are entitleled to have a life too. I say this as a 35 yr old who has parents in this situation (with my brother). You may feel guilty and they (not if they want the best for YOU) may try to make you feel guilty, but don't...enjoy your retirement, live it up, so long as you are kind...no one should find fault with you.

Answer 7

It sounds like your children are old enough to take care of themselves and it is time you start thinking about yourself and your husband. Maybe the kids are using you because they know you are always there for them. If you move, they will have to take care of their money problems themselves. They might have to give up some things but that's OK. They have to learn to live within their means.

Answer 8

of direction you at the instant are not selfish and unloving! seems such as you have a astounding family individuals! the only solid reason i can arise with as to why human beings say it rather is via the fact they have their heads so a techniques up their butts that they are able to't see the sunshine of day :] maybe each so often it rather is the excellent determination for a splash one, reckoning on although severe circumstances, yet I do think of that too many human beings take it completely too gently. Like a organic mom giving freely her toddler to strangers is meant to do it with hearts in her eyes and continually be happy that she "did the excellent suited subject".

Answer 9

You lived a great part of your life, taking care of their needs, and coming to their aid. It's your time to get your life back, if they don't understand then they are the ones being selfish. Live the life that you want to live. Retire and enjoy yourself.

Answer 10

If your kids are all grown and out on their own you deserve your own life. They will learn how to take care of themselves, something that they HAVE to learn anyway. Go and don't feel guilty, just do what you need to do for yourself now. Love doesn't equal money. Just make time to visit them and have them visit you as often as they can.