What do I do w/my husband and do I have a right to be mad?

Question

Ok, I love my hubby, but I recently (7weeks) just gave birth to our 3rd child. So I am up at night alot and very tired...well my husband was VERY helpful at taking care of the other two when they were babies at night. But all of the sudden he, who was always a light sleeper and never needed much sleep, is always falling asleep early and I can NOT get him to wake up and help me in the night. Like just a few min ago my 2 yr old daughter wolke up with a nightmare and wanted Daddy, not me. So I, who am up doing laundry tried to wake him, who has been asleep for 3 hours allready to help her get back to sleep. I had to scream at him to get up. I just want to know why he is behaving like this and do I have a right to be angry? And yes I have sat him down and talked to him about this and he says that he was unaware and that he would make an effort to do better, but once again, same stuff.

Answer 1

Good job talking directly. As gut-wrenchingly hard as this sounds, you'll get more help from your husband if he feels your love first. (Before you want to hit me, know that I am a mom who had a baby with colic - I feel for you greatly.) Want a man to help out? -Let him know there is a reward in it for him - your love...and you will be amazed. So...grit your teeth, stir up every romantic memory about him that you have, leave the laundry alone for tonight, and give him some affection.
I wish you the best!

Answer 2

First. You always have a right to be angry, it's how you deal with your anger that matters. It seems like you've already taken the right steps.

You should probably look at your husbands life more closely or talk to someone who knows him and have them do it ( a little less biased than you). He is probably tired for a reason. There are lots of medical and physical reasons that can cause someone to be tired like that. Since he hasn't been this way in the past you can assume that it's not intentional. Also, anytime someone has a big change in sleep patterns it is an indicator that something in their lifestyle has changed. Perhaps he is eating bad, his job is stressing him out, he is depressed, etc... Take a look at his life and see if you can pinpoint what the problem is. I know it's more work for you to do this but it'll pay off in the long run for him, for you, and for your kids.

Answer 3

Well, glad to hear that you still love your hubby despite all that is going on. Just a word of advice, NEVER give up on the man you've gotten married to. Be supportive in all circumstances. Your man may be a bit tired after a hard day's work. He needs you, not the children. That's why he marries you. Screaming doesn't do anybody good. What you can do is, next time if the same situation occurs, try explain this to your child on why Daddy can't be there at that moment coz' he's taking some rest. Let your hubby enjoys some sleep and try not giving him pressure. Train your child to think maturely from the very young age. She has the right to know what's happening to Daddy and Mommy. At the same time, talk to your hubby on why he's needed to be there for your daughter. Every parent has to be there for their kids all the time. It'd be rather difficult if your man doesn't keep his promises to make an effort to do better. Why don't you learn to speak his primary love languages? He may just respond enthusiastically to your requests. First you need to establish an intimate relationship with your man and see that nothing hinders both of you from coming together. Children only come after that. Men,generally, are lack of discernment skills. They only focus on one issue at a time. They are not as multi-tasks as women. Marriage is what get you start learning about your man and it doesn't mean that you've learnt about your man enough to get married to him. Everything has to begin with you. Learn about his needs and from there, begin your journey as a good and great wife. Husbands always come first before children. I believe your man will listen to you if you first listen to him and understand his needs.

Answer 4

I don't think you are being fair. I am a mother and a grandmother. I know what it's like to be tired (and you are). But your husband is going to work every day, right? He NEEDS his sleep. You are home with kids. You can take a nap when your babies nap. Maybe your husband can bathe the kiddies, read them a story and tuck them into bed in the evening so you can get to bed early and sleep a few hours before the next feeding. But you should not wake your husband up in the middle of the night. He needs to work to earn money for your family. Unless you are currently working outside the home, he should sleep at night and you should get up. Weekends he could do night duty on Saturday night, if he is willing, though. Ask him nicely. Stop screaming at him. You decided together to have a third child. Your 2 year old doesn't need Daddy. Daddy is sleeping because Daddy has to get up to go to work. Deal with it. And congratulations on the new baby.

Answer 5

I think you have a right to be angry. It is very hard being a motherto one child let alone three (or four, hubby). I used to pretend I was sleeping and then he would wake up, I even faked snoring. It helped sometimes but then again he is a man and there are no garuntees with them.

Good Luck and Congrat on the new baby.

Answer 6

I know you wish it could be like before, but it's not! I am not on his side by no means, so don't take this wrong. I bet you are very tired, and you need to remember your hormones are going back to normal-changing. You can't control your hubby, but it would be nice huh? Try and not be so hard on yourself right now! If you don't have the energy to fix everything, and DO everything, than LET IT GO!!!!! Everyone will have to make due. PERIOD!!!! Maybe than your tired husband will really believe your really tired!!! Just cool down, and be good to you, for goodness sakes-you just brought one of God's "wonders" into the world-that's how SPECIAL you are!!

Answer 7

You said "And yes I have sat him down and talked to him about this and he says that he was unaware"
Its more important that you sat with him and asked if anything wrong before you screamed.
But anyway best way to find whats going on inside their heart is tact instead scream or anger or direct questions.
Good Luck.

Answer 8

30 years ago the mom did all the work, i had the babies by 23 i had 3,and i did the work, today the wives expect their men to be like women, if he has to get up and go to work let the guy sleep,
don't listen to women who tell you he should get up too, you do not need him to get up, God equipped you with all you need. [unless you are a very ill person] i know this for a fact, tell your 2 y.o. daddy is asleep, and she needs to calm down, he is a man not a puppet, you know sooner or later your newborn will sleep all night,

Answer 9

Maybe you both need a vacation...some help...therapy...or maybe just some sleep. I'd go to the Dr and ask for some help..
or a therapist..someone..

Answer 10

He's probably tired! Geez! Give the poor guy a break! Quit acting like a baby and screaming at your husband! Ever thought about talking instead? He's sleeping for God's sake! Duh! No wonder he is unaware!