does this mean im lesbian or straight!? i dont want to be gay!!?

Question

all my life i've had crushes on boys, never on girls..i've dated a lot of guys, and some were fufilling, some werent, but i notice i always get so insecure in the relationship, about the guy leaving me or finding some one better that i almost push them away without realizing it, and now im wondering if its my subconscious telling me that im lesbian or something? or if that means something. I had a very bad childhood experience with my dad leaving me when i was 7, so i dont know if that has to do with the whole insecurity thing, but now im wondering if i wanted these boys in my life to date or to play that fatherly figure, but i dont know, i dont see why i would wnat to pursue a romantic relatonship with them if that was the case?

its really been freaking me out the most lately, im currently with my boyfriend of almost 2 years, and its been kind of rocky since this whole ocd has struck me..but today we had a fight and he said something like "you act like your obligated to have sex"

and i got so upset, i thought does this mean im lesbian??? the fact that i dont want to have sex all the time even when hes in the mood..so that was also really freaking me out. I feel as if so many quiestions are unanswered. I think the one thing that was truly haunting me is the fact that sometimes i have sexual fantasies about being with a girl in bed--never ever like dating one, marrying one, nothing liek that..absoloutly no emotional attraction. But it really scares me, the fact that i find lesbian porn more arousing than straight porn, and the fact that i have had sexual fantasies about girls? I dont know why this happens, i really hope im not even bisexual, because even that would creep me out, my whole life i dreamt of marrying a man, being with one in all sorts of ways, but now i feel like that dream is almost demolished and i dont even know who i am anymore. Please, help me..its driving me to the point of wanting to end my life along with all of this.

Answer 1

your not gay. Everyone has "sexual fantasies", and i admit i find female porn more arousing, but thats because of the content, and whats intended on happening, which is with a male. I think every single girl at some point thought about what u think is making you gay. Its natural. Its impossible NOT to think about it.

Answer 2

First off, I don't know how old you are, but in a way that still does not matter. In any relationship there comes a time when you or the other party does not know if this is it. Even when you or they know that their partner is the one that they were meant to be with. You have to remember that no matter what "life sucks" and it will always be a fight. Just when you think everything is going great something will always happen that you will think is the end of the world. Just as long that the both of you, know no matter what happens, you both will be there for each other. To answer your question. Do you think that you are gay? I don think so. everyone goes through times not knowing what is going on, but you always end up with the person of the opposite sex. You just have to remember that if at times you think about being with the same sex person, most times and I mean almost 100% of the time it's just a fantasy, and fantasies are suppose to be something that are not real and will not ever be played out. That is why they are called fantasies. Just keep doing what you are doing and don't worry about when you are down or depressed, those times will pass. You sound like a fantastic person that has questions that no one has ever taken the time to answer before, and if it does turn out that you feel so strongly about someone of the same sex, just be sure that they feel the same way towards you. If it was ment to happen, so be it.

Answer 3

Most likely you just have relationship issues. And lots of couples find that they have different sex drives, so it is normal not to want sex all the time when your partner does want it.
Your subconcious is not telling you that you're a lesbian just because you have troubles in relationships. It doesn't work like that.
However, you mentioned in your additional information that you have sexual thoughts about other women. This still doesn't make you a lesbian. Most women think about another woman in a sexual way at some point in their lives, whether they'll admit it or not.
However, as horrified as you are by the thought of being attracted to the same sex, perhaps you need to sit down and ask yourself whether the guys you have had relationships with have turned you on sexually. Because it is easy to grow up thinking that girls like boys, and that's all there is to it. You may be having hetero relationships just because that's the accepted thing to do, without really thinking about it. If you are questioning your sexuality, perhaps there is an issue there, and you need to work out whether your girl on girl thoughts are just passing fantasies or supressed desires.
That being said, it's not all that horrible being a lesbian or bisexual anyway. You love who you love. If you are turned on by women, there's not a lot you can do about it, sorry to say.
So try and figure out how you really feel without trying to deny the possible outcome.

Answer 4

Hunny,
I don't think u r a lesbian. I just think you are going through a rocky time right now. It is known that people's sex drives decrease when they are stressed. Also, just because you fantasize about being with a woman, it doesn't necessarily mean you want or have to act on those impulses.
Men have a tendency to overreact when it comes to sex. They want it and need it for emotional satisfaction whereas women are more prone to live with it or without it.
Just tell your bf you are going through a rough time right now and maybe you just need some space from him. As for the issue with your father, people make mistakes. We just have to learn to do the best we can with what we've been given. Know this, that it will all work out eventually.

Answer 5

First of all, relax. Sexuality is an extremely complicated issue for everyone. Nobody has a terribly easy time of it whether straight, gay, or watermelon loving (sorry, poor attempt at humor).

You are very self-aware and astute to be able to realize that your father's actions are having effects on your relationships right now. I think that your insecurity most likely stems from that fear that they will leave as he has left, and I think when you get close enough with anyone, you need to be upfront that you have this fear and why you have this fear, because it will help them understand what it going on with you. It might help to get some counseling about this issue, because it might bring some resolution and help you gain confidence in your partner's sincerity.

If you have dreamed all your life about marrying a man, than by all means, marry a man! And before you completely decide that you might be lesbian, ask yourself if it is really that its the women in the porn that is working for you, or if it is the "forbidden" and "taboo" nature that that sort of porn holds in our society right now.

My guess is, is that if you don't know for sure at this age that you are a lesbian, than it is most likely that you are not one. As I understand it (though I am not one, so I could be wrong on this) most of them know from a pretty young age that they are.

Answer 6

this doesnt mean u r turning gay. all people have fantasies and sometimes you draw on something that willbring u to a climax. u arent the only woomrn who have these thoughts,even married women have them. don't have sex iif u don't want to . your boy friend is reacting to your drawing away or if you are doing it out of obligation donn't do. you have a right to say no. this doesn't mean you don't care for him. just tlk to him and explain how you feel.. if he doesnt understand then maybe he should explain to you why he has to have sex so often. sex should be mutual and you dont owe him any thing snd should not do just for thesake of doing i. hope this helps you. good luck toyou both

Answer 7

this you means that you don't know enough about yourself to have a relationship. Since you don't enough about yourself, you change into what you think the other person wants, leaving all your relationships unfufilled. Try taking a break from relationships and focus on being happy and fufilled with you.

Answer 8

my dream girl it means that you want to be happy but your affaird of him leaving you like your father did when you were younger but have no fear just work it out and don't let him leave you... and it also means that your not a lesbian but you do want to try having sex with a girl as it known as a bisexuallity phase i went through it a few years ago trust me on this it's not a bad thing it's a good thing...

Answer 9

no you are not lesbian. it just means you have some emotional issues to confront before you feel comfortable getting into a relationship