How do you cope when?

Question

you have been decieved and devalued by someone you trusted. My ex, I feel, completely manipulated me when we were together, told me all the things I wanted to hear and used me for emotional support when he was feeling SEVERLEY depressed, only to leave me for someone else and then acted as though we never existed. Who does this ?? He is 29 yrs old, well educated, a teacher. Not only did he leave me to be with this other girl, he spoke negatively about me when I did nothing but be there for him. We never fought when we were together. What type of guy is he?? IS he a manipulator? Now I feel low, have no self esteem, I feel I didnt deserve this from him. How do I cope?

Answer 1

First thing to do is mentally set up a barrier between him and you. You need to establish your own boundaries such that his opinion of you, does not determine your opinion of yourself. He acted like a fool towards you. Are you going to let a fool define you for yourself?

It seems like you are using your assessment of him as a "well-educated teacher" as proof that there must really be something wrong with you, because he must know what he is talking about, right? Definitely not. Just because he may be smart, does not mean that he is a good person, acting on good impulses, and is psychologically healthy.

It sounds like you did not deserve this from him. He used you when he was depressed and then left you when he got better.

Now, I don't know you at all, so I honestly do not know the answer to this question. one thing to ask yourself and just check before you go into another relationship is, "Are you atracted to guys who have problems that you think you might be able to fix" and if the answer to this question is yes, ask yourself if you are unconsciously using that desire to fix and aid someone else as a way to avoid dealing with anything in your past that you need to deal with. If the answer is yes, than before you get into another relationship, deal with it. Face it, if need be, with a therapist, so that you can find healthy attraction with healthy and whole people.

I wish you the best, and please do not let a fool define you!

Answer 2

First of all, you need to realize that the way he treated you has nothing to do with you. Its him. He is that way. He is that way with or without you. So, please understand that you are not the reason he treated you this way. You are just fine. Do not let this bring you down this way. I understand how hard this is going to be for you. But trust me, it is his character flaw, NOT yours. Just think of how good you were to him. Think of all the ways you did the right thing for him and with him. And when you do, give yourself a real pat on the back for being such a good person like you are. And know that you can continue to be the wonderful person that you are, still, even though you were sadly with a person who obviously does not know how to appreciate this. Another thing, realize that this is an opportunity for growth. You can learn from this and become even better for it. That is why we are given these challenges in our lives. Good luck, and remember - you can do this - you deserve it and you are a wonderful person!

Answer 3

My mother has a medical condition that depletes vitamin B and she found out after her divorce was final.

Her married relationship was full of issues (like most), but she felt that he was trying to poison her for the insurance money and I'm convinced it was largely due to the lacking vitamins in her system.

They truly were there for eachother in ways nobody else could have been, but her physical condition actually created additional issues that he couldn't have battled because things were twisted in her mind.

She is supplemented now, and recognizes that she was mostly off during that time.

Your ex had some biological issues that weren't yours, and even well educated people can be victims of their own biology.

Please be generous with yourself. Forgive for your own sake and aim for the next greatest version of yourself that you are capable of being. And expect that healing will take some time.

Blessings!

Answer 4

most men are not good, there are good guys out their getting bad images from jerks like this. there are PEOPLE meaning girls and boys, who just dont give a **** about other people's feelings. You deserve better and you will get better. You need to greive and move on. Ihave had some bad heartbreaks. One in particular where the guy gave me a 3 page letter telling me how I ruined his life, when I don't think I did. He quickly moved on to another girl, who he is now married to and we made up and he applogized. People are just mean sometimes. Just take your time to greive and pick yourself up and move on. You can do it! Its very normal to be feeling this way. You should prob go see a councelor. Good luck. the right guy is out there for you. Don't let the bad ones ruin the good ones reps.

Answer 5

You were good to him. He has messed up. Get on with your life and forget him. The more you brood about his treachery the more you continue to cheat yourself: he is not worth your time.

Answer 6

JUST MOVE ON, AND NEVER LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU AGAIN. I BET HE FEEL ASHAME ABOUT THE WAY HE HAS TREATED YOU .