all my life i've had crushes on boys, never on girls..i've dated a lot of guys, and some were fufilling, some werent, but i notice i always get so insecure in the relationship, about the guy leaving me or finding some one better that i almost push them away without realizing it, and now im wondering if its my subconscious telling me that im lesbian or something? or if that means something. I had a very bad childhood experience with my dad leaving me when i was 7, so i dont know if that has to do with the whole insecurity thing, but now im wondering if i wanted these boys in my life to date or to play that fatherly figure, but i dont know, i dont see why i would wnat to pursue a romantic relatonship with them if that was the case?
its really been freaking me out the most lately, im currently with my boyfriend of almost 2 years, and its been kind of rocky since this whole ocd has struck me..but today we had a fight and he said something like "you act like your obligated to have sex"
2007-02-24 16:05:27 · 12 answers · asked by kelly j 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
and i got so upset, i thought does this mean im lesbian??? the fact that i dont want to have sex all the time even when hes in the mood..so that was also really freaking me out. I feel as if so many quiestions are unanswered. I think the one thing that was truly haunting me is the fact that sometimes i have sexual fantasies about being with a girl in bed--never ever like dating one, marrying one, nothing liek that..absoloutly no emotional attraction. But it really scares me, the fact that i find lesbian porn more arousing than straight porn, and the fact that i have had sexual fantasies about girls? I dont know why this happens, i really hope im not even bisexual, because even that would creep me out, my whole life i dreamt of marrying a man, being with one in all sorts of ways, but now i feel like that dream is almost demolished and i dont even know who i am anymore. Please, help me..its driving me to the point of wanting to end my life.
2007-02-24 16:06:10 · update #1
All it means is that you are extremely insecure.
Sounds like sex is the only thing he wants you for
2007-02-24 16:09:39 · answer #1 · answered by Kye H 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
oh no don't think of ending ur life over some feeling ur not even sure of i am exactly like u down to the porn and thoughts but i don't stress about it because i never think of it as a long term thing...i cant get into detail about it because I'm not all the way sure about it myself..but again i say don't think of ending ur life for something like this or anything at all for that matter...maybe u should talk to a close friend but if u don't want them to know talk to someone on the Internet so it can be confidential
2007-02-25 00:57:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is really hard to be something if you don't embrace whatever it is you are trying to be. If you think you are straight but you are letting the idea of possibly being gay take over your normal thought process of course things are going to be rocky. Based on what you've said I don't think you are gay...more than likely you are just trying to find a reason/answer as to why you've had such a difficult time in relationships, and yeah being gay can make dating men harder if you're not attracted to them...but I don't think that is the case with you. What you need to focus on is liking who you are...whether that be gay...straight...bi...or whatever...if you arent happy with yourself...you wont be happy in a relationship. And keep in mind that you should never feel obligated to have sex...it's not a requirement in a relationship. If you don't feel comfortable doing it...don't.
Good luck.
2007-03-04 16:39:50 · answer #3 · answered by LoveBats 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A very wise woman once said to me that a woman should only have sex with a man when she wants to, not when he wants her to. She stated that men want it all the time but the difference is that when we want it, that's the best sex he can get from us. If you are not enjoying sex with your man then perhaps he's not doing something right. Have you considered this? I only have sex when I'm in the mood, whether my partner initaites it or not, I have to want it for it to happen. And I can tell you that as a woman, I've admired other women for their natural beauty, physically and otherwise. That doesn't make me gay. It's only natural to see beauty in a woman and to be a little attracted to that. Your mans attitude and the things that he has said to you can't be helping things at all.
2007-03-02 20:34:53 · answer #4 · answered by sustasue 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Homosexuality is constructed. You most likely did not think about homosexuality acts until after you watched gay porn. So if you do not want to be a lesbian, stop thinking about it. When it comes to mind, just tell yourself you are not interested in this any longer. Just because you do not want to have sex could mean you are not arroused at that time. You will not always be arroused the same time your mate is. His nagging does not help any. Just tell him you are bored with the sex for write now, and you do not need the porn any more. You prefer to wait until you are arroused, and if he can not help in that department after a long period of time, it could be telling you that you just love him as a friend and not a boyfriend any longer.
You do not have to become bisexual or homosexual unless you choose too. Homosexuality is constructed. For that matter so is hetrosexuality. You just may be feeling asexual right now. Not wanting sex with either sex, and you are forcing yourself by fantasies to become aroused. Or watching the gay porn is causing you to begin to construct some homosexuality, then cause you to consider being bisexual. Stop watching the gay porn. If you need porn to arouse you, something else is the issue, like your boyfriend does not knoww how to use for play or something even.
2007-02-25 08:13:26 · answer #5 · answered by ishelp4 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You sound like you are insecured and you have been
abandoned by your father and it does not sound like you
are lesbian
And you are going through some rough times my dear
all because of what your father did to you
and you are putting up a defense around yourself
And you do not want to end your life over this no you not
And perhaps like me you just do not trust any man on this
planet at all
And yes with men I do not trust them at all I have been sexually
abused myself and mistreated by men who used me as a
sex slave
And it sounds like you are going through the same thing being
insecured and not trusting and unsure and afraid
2007-03-03 20:03:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
listen this thing is bcz of ur father who left u , i think u cant feel secure with man bcz of that , n as u said u want to marry a man n me too i dnt like to have sex all the tim ,e it all abt ur sex drive not bcz of ur lesabian fantasies n abt wanting b witha gurl bcz a female means secure not just for u but 4 everybody , my brother always come n hug me n say that he feels secure in my arms , also all the vrothers of my friends do the same , the man always run to woman to feel secure , n also when u r in treouble ( all females ) u go to ur mom , female friend , that's cz we were designed to b loving caring much more than males .
u just need to feel secure (u r afraid that ur man will leave u like ur father) , u go to a shrink try to figure things , n if u cant no problem maybe u dnt need to ,just talk with ur bf , get married soon , this will help u feeling more secue , see a good man loving n caring n with time u will get rid of that feeling of unsecurity .
as u said u have no emotions towards gurls n that u wanna m,arry a man so u r no lesabians , just need morte caring n security .
2007-02-25 00:52:48 · answer #7 · answered by who k 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you have some serious insecurities and abadonment issues. Seek professional counseling ASAP.
You're not gay/lesbian unless you actually have an attraction to the same gender.
2007-02-25 01:40:36 · answer #8 · answered by DEATH 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nope, it just means you don't want to get hurt. And, it could be strictly because your dad left causing you to feel vunerable. So, you had rather leave them than have them leave you...not that you want them as a father figure. And fantasies are common, its just that most people prefer to keep their most private fantasies to themselves so you never hear about them. You are very normal. Don't make mountains out of molehills.
2007-02-25 00:14:53 · answer #9 · answered by Im Listening 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think youre just with the wrong guy,and you are realy insecure about yourself.Dont worrie,and go to a local church talk to your priest,and have them pray for you.With God everything is Possible.MAybe find yourself a good real Man that treats you like a real Women.I m sure he will change your mind about all those fantasies."YOU ARE JUST BEING CURIOUS!!!!!" SILLY..LOL
2007-02-25 00:19:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋