need advice about domestic violence?

Question

My husband was arrested today after he threw my sleeping daughter at me. He has a long history of verbal abuse and depression. I am a devout Christian and have been trying to love him and break through to him for several years. Now he is in jail, and will not be allowed back into our home for some time. While I am sad for his situation, I kind of feel relieved as well. No more yelling and constant complaining! But at the same time, I feel very un-Christian-like, and wonder is this the end of my marriage? What if he is willing to undergo anger management and is willing to try and work things out? Should I try to keep my marriage together, can it ever work out after these horrible events today?

Answer 1

I know this is a hard time for you, but you really need to let this marriage go. He is abusive and it sounds like not only does he not care about hurting you, he obviously doesn't care about hurting a young child. I know it is rough especially with your beliefs- but ask yourslef this- Do you think God wants you and your child to be hurt by him? You are God's children and he DOES NOT want you to stay in a place of danger. It will take time but you can move on and find a nice, christian man that will be honest, and caring towards you and your child. Good Luck!

Answer 2

First, protect yourself and your family. This is your priority and if he has had a long history of abuse it will not change just because he went to jail. You are married and a Christian and you are feeling double bound to do the right thing. The restraining order is not meant to cause a divorce, but to give you two TIME away to figure things out. His arrest today, does not mean you have to divorce tommorrow. What it means is there has become such a problem in your relationship it has turned to violence.
You are having a typical human reaction to having him gone from you right now and not having to listen to his yelling and constant complaining. Don't feel any guilt over that, who wouldn't.
Anger management must be completed, at least in most states, as part of any conviction of his abuse. I would also suspect that because the abuse was so gross, by throwing your daughter there will be a more significant charge or jail time......as there should be if he is convicted. First, don't back down on any charges, this is so important as it is not just your life, but your daughters life we are talking about. You may not be charging him, it is the prosecutors....but you should be there for your daughter right now and protect her even if that means you must testify.
Take some time on this, DON'T act on any decisions right now....you will see clearer as time goes by if you should keep your marriage together. This is the Christian thing to do, because it is also the Christian thing to do by being there, protecting your daughter and yourself. Also seek out your pastor or a chaplin for spiritual advise on this matter. REMEMBER DO NOT MAKE ANY DECISIONS RIGHT AWAY. Things will work out and usually do in the end, even though it may not be how you think they should work out.

Answer 3

Your Husband is going to need more than just Counseling for his Depression and verbal abuse! He needs to see a Psychiatrist for an eval and QUICK before he creates more violence!

It's up to you if you want to stay together in your Marriage but he has a long way to go if he wants help getting over those hangups!

My EX was like that, verbally abusive and I had to call the cops over to my house and this was a few years ago-------he was mad at me, slamming doors, threw a pencil at me and made WILD accusations! It GETS worse, and If I'm correct, your Husband will be in denial about getting help! This situation isn't good for you and it sure isn't good for your Daughter, geeez! Get out when you can!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He won't change! It would take a mIRACLE if he were to see the "error of his ways", but, if he won't face it that he has problems, then he'll continue being abusive and I'm sure you don't want your Daughter growing up with his bad intentions and throwing her around again! What a terrible case of Abuse!!!!!

Bless you and ask God to show you the way!

Answer 4

A a mother your priority should be the safety of your child. No matter what, no child should ever have to put up with seeing a parent be abused verbally or physically. Verbal abuse leaves emotional and mental scars that affect you and your kids for the rest of your lives. Think about your daughter's future relationships. What type of man do you want her to end up with? Someone like your husband? Would you want her to stick around, or would you want her to be safe and strong and independent? You are her example for how she will end up.

You cannot clean your husband up no matter how hard you try. It is HIS battle that he has to fight and he can only fight it if he truly and sincerely wants to. If he doesn't want to, there is nothing you can do. Change is a huge commitment and is not easy to do. Can he stick to it, or will he relapse. It depends on him. Old habits die hard.

Is your marriage worth the safety of you and your daughter?

Answer 5

This is one thing that i would not accept from ANY person. To "throw" my child, my son anywhere, at me, that is just not acceptable. Not normal, no love whatsoever in that action. I know people get angry and upset but that could have resulted in a death!!! Your daughter could have been killed. You could have been killed. How would you feel it your daughter had died! Forgiveness is definitely something I advise when your ready but accepting him back, NO, he has some major issues he needs to work out. He needs to realize he could have killed someone. You both should go your own ways, is it worth the life of your daughter to stay with him? If he was truly sorry he would apologize for both of you, seek heavy counseling, and move away on his own to sort things out on his own, and this process should take at least a year or more...that's all have to say.

Answer 6

I am a Christian, and I believe there are only two reasons that you should get divorced. They are sexual sin and abuse. This is clearly a case of abuse. I know you wish to respect your vows to him, but you have to do what's best for your child and for you right now. You are your child's best defense, so protect her! If you're still not sure, then talk to your minister, a Christian counselor, or some Christian friends, and most of all PRAY. I do not know you or all of the details, but I suggest you leave him.

Answer 7

You are required to forgive not reconcile. Don't mistaken Christianity for a punching bag. You are more than a conqueror in Christ Jesus. Do what is in the best interest of you children. Pray and seek God, not Yahoo Answers and he will direct your path. Most of all be safe and protect your children.

Answer 8

You can still love him and worry about him and pray for him, even if you're not with him anymore.

I'm afraid you're equating "love" with "staying with him and being his punching bag." They're not the same thing.

You owe it to yourself and your child to provide a safe home for both of you. Obviously, neither your child nor you will be safe if you stay with this man.

It's definitely possible for him to sort through his issues and overcome his tendency to violence.

On the other hand, it's also possible that he will never overcome it.

You can't afford to take the chance. For yourself or for your child.

.

Answer 9

I respect your beliefs, but today he could of seriously injured your daughter. If you take him back could you live with yourself if next time he does hurt her? You shouldn't feel ashamed that your relieved, you should be grateful that you and your daughter are safe. I don't think anyone could or should judge you if you end your marriage. Noone should have to live in fear. I don't think you should try to save your marriage, but it's your decision to make.

Answer 10

You are th only one who can decide to stay in that situation. If he wants to work it out,will you give him a chance to hurt you again. I say if you never get into physical violence, you never have to end it. Think about your children and the kind of life you want to give them. Remember, children learn from what they see!