Is this totally wrong or am I confused?

Question

You are married to your beautiful highschool sweetheart 10 years dated for 5 years. You have two amazing boys with her 7&9. She kisses you every morning before work and tells you that she loves you. She calls every day from work and tells you that she loves you and misses you. You tell her that you love her . wants to have a baby with you. You are making love together then WHAMO she tells you that she has NO feelings for you. Then two days later you find out that she has a relationship with a coworker. She doesnt want to work on marriage and wants out.
Its been 3 months since the divorce but I'm still trying to figure out how a person can show love and then turn it off like it is a switch. We did everything together and had a good marriage and family. And no she did not tell me that she was not happy or anything. I'm moving on very well and have my sons every other week but I cant figure out why she led me on. It will be very hard to trust again=(

Answer 1

I hate to say it but doesn't this happen a lot? People meet at a young age, get married, have kids, and about 10 years later (they both just turned 28,29,30?), they are getting a divorce because one of them strays. Usually it's sooner, (7 year itch?), I don't think that people should get married at such a young age. People change, I have friends now that I wasn't friends with in highschool and my best friend in highschool has changed so much I don't even know who she is anymore!!! Getting married before 21 is extremely risky because people change they really do and I can understand when your young, your filled with hope and dreams and love and balloons and clouds. LOL, but it's very rare that a relationship will last because 2 people have to be willing to grow together, "grow old with you" (adam sandler's song) Yeah sure my grandparents have been married for as long as anyone can remember but...not without some heartache and forgiveness. All I can say is I had a best friend whom I loved with all my heart, we were like sisters...then I don't know we grew apart...she's not the same anymore, we don't even speak. Doesn't mean I'm not going to make any other friends, she didn't ruin it for me. The point is people change and not everyone is like your ex. She was evil to do what she did. She changed from good to evil! But that's her problem. Move on you'll meet a beautiful caring woman again in no time just beware of anyone young! Because they can change! LOL

Answer 2

I don't know why she would have done what she did or why she would act like everything was fine when it obviously wasn't. The only one who could really tell you is her. Ask her over for coffee or something. Let her know that it's just to talk and that you're not trying to get her back, but that you just need to ask her some questions so that you can fully move on. Hopefully she'll understand that need in someway and she'll agree. When/if you do get to ask your questions (although it will be hard and even painful) try to keep your temper in check. If you get angry and start yelling at each other you'll never get any answers. As for learning to trust people (women) again that will take time, the answers may help but you have to also keep in mind that no two people are same and that you have to judge each person individually.

Good Luck

Answer 3

you are not wrong and have every right to be confused. I really don't love what my husband has become. I love the guy I married and I'm hoping that he's the one that will walk through the door. the loss happend over time. I still tell him I love him when he leaves for work and when we get home, hoping. I think I was just too young when I settled down with him. (married 7 years, together nearly 20). I've changed too through the years. Take a looke at yourself and her and honestly tell yourself where a change took place. I highly doubt that she just switched off the love.

Answer 4

You're right --- it is totally wrong. I had a similiar situation recently although we weren't married and didn't have children. He told me he loved me and missed me more than I could ever know (he had recently moved 4 hrs away for a job and was coming every other weekend to spend with me, we spoke daily by phone and were talking about getting married -- he said he didn't envisioned himself with anyone but me for the rest of his life --- and then --- I never saw him again -- he wouldn't return phone calls, nothing --- I have no clue what happened and that's the worst.

But back to you ... a LOT of times people get so used to saying "I love you" that it really doesn't mean anything --- especially when it's expected of you. It sounds like she was leading you on (and whoever she was having feelings for) until she was forced to make a decision --- and you know, the grass is always greener .... and women go through midlife crisis just like men do.

Answer 5

She was leading you on to cover her doing wrong. She was feeling guilty for having an affair so she made herself feel better by leading you on.

Don't let this one bad egg ruin you in a relationship. This was HER problem. You were the faithful one and were in the marriage for the right reasons. You know how to do it .... she doesn't. Don't think the new relationship she had will last long. Take your time and when you are ready be yourself in a new relationship. You will do just fine.

Good luck!

Answer 6

I think she loved you, but maybe she fell "out of love" with you for along time ago already. I guess she was just trying to hide it co'z she doesn't know how to tell you and she didn't want to hurt you. Or she could be just blinded by her new affair. I guess now she cannot live with lies anymore and she realizes that's it's not fair for both of you especially for you. It's definitely hard to trusts again, but hey there's always something or someone out there that is meant for you, obviously it wasn't your ex-wife it's maybe even better. Goodluck!!!

Answer 7

This is happening more and more often. Guess "till death do us part" doesn't mean what it used to. It used to be primarily the man who did this. Now it's about 50/50. Maybe the women of this generation has decided to get back at thier fathers by taking it out on us.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

I'm so sorry to hear your story. First of all, please know that a good husband (like you appear to be) does need to trust his wife. Our deepest human relationships do require trust otherwise they're not too deep. Although your reaction to having this trust abused is quite normal, natural, and expected, please be careful about not trusting anyone again. Without trust you'll drive yourself crazy. Learn how to trust again--slowly and genuinely. Don't just give up on people in general, or life will be absolutely unbearable. Thanks for sharing this situation with us. We wish you all the best in recovering from this horrible situation.

Answer 10

so sorry to hear that..
not everyone is like her and i hope you know that..
i don't understand why she's turned out to be like that to you all of a sudden after you thought as happy marriage..
If what you've said is 100% right, you should know that there's nothing wrong with you but there's something wrong with her..
she showed mean, cruel, and bitchy sides of her and i would have been hurt like you if i had in the same situation.
Cheer up dude.