Inlaw Problems?

Question

Is it normal for your mother-in-law to call your house EVERY DAY. I sometimes get two or three messages on our answering machine per day. It's driving me crazing. My wife chooses to talk to her instead of coming to bed with me. I wish my wife would tell her mother to not call at night. I've tried to tell her to get her call when I'm not there. She says I'm being controlling. I think she needs to cut the cord. It's been 13 years. I married a child who needs mommy's input on everything. This woman is everywhere. She won't get lost. I'm going to go nuts. Am I being controlling? I just want to spend intimate time with my wife. I want our relationship to be more important to her than her Mom. Am I wrong?

Answer 1

Time for her to cut the cord. This is abnormal. Mothers and daughters do have close relationships, but no-one should be causing problems with your relationship. Have you talked to your wife about this? Tell her that her mom is pulling the both of you apart and you dont want that to happen. Tell her you love her. Let her know your not trying to make her choose between the two of you, you just need a little less time spent with her mom. Let her know that you want more romance in your relationship. You would like to spend time alone with her for nice romantic evenings. Not many sane women would refuse that. Your not controlling, your the normal one.

Answer 2

No, I think you are right. Your wife has to make time for your needs as well as hers and her mother's. I think it is excessive to talk to her mother two or three times a day unless her mother or other family member is seriously ill.
On the other hand, it may be your mother in law who is primarily at fault. She may be making your wife feel guilty when she tries to cut the calls off.
You might also try talking to your wife about why she feels she needs her mother's input on everything. She may have self esteem issues and need approval, or some other problem.
I would recommend marriage counseling--it sounds like this is really becoming an issue.
Good luck.

Answer 3

Unfortunately, I know exactly what you are dealing with all too well. I have been through it. I'll bet you dollars to donuts that your mother in law and wife have an "emotionally incestuous relationship". Mine used to call the house 20 times a day. Your mother in law needs to go to therapy and get the help she desperately needs. Do you have any idea how many years of therapy it will take to undo this situation. Prayer helped me. Sadly, mine is no longer here. But, I totally sympathize. Your wife feels that if she takes your side, she is betraying her mother. You are a good husband and want a normal relationship with your wife. It would be a good idea for you and your wife to go to therapy together, but seperate from your mother-in-law. I hope it works out. You are definitely between a rock and a hard place. No matter what you do, you will be seen as the guy who is trying to come between a mother and daughter. I sincerely hope it works out for you.

Answer 4

I don't think you're wrong... I think your wife is too attached to her mother, and it's her mother who is being controlling... when you marry someone, that someone becomes your number one... I think your mother in law has an issue with letting go and realizing that her daughter is a grown woman with her own life... she might be lonely, or jealous, or whatever else... Ask your wife how she would feel if your mother called you all the time..... I also suggest therapy to cut the cord.... good luck...

Answer 5

It sounds like your wife and her mother are very close... I know it must be frustrating that your wife spends time talking to your mother in law, when you'd prefer that she'd spend time with you.

When you married your wife, you married into her family too. I don't think it's fair for you to put your wife in a position where she has to "cut the cord" that binds her to her mother. That relationship doesn't make her a child - it makes her someone who values her deep relationship with her mother.

Since you can't control their relationship and how much time they spend together, why don't you make plans to go out when your in-law comes around?

Answer 6

Did you ever think that your wife might need someone who listens to her and has common interest? Try being a friend to your wife and you just may end up with a lover too!! Men have a tendency to think that the only time to spend with their wife is in the bedroom!! Well guess what women don't think that way!! By finding interests that you can share together and by listening to her you might just turn her on!!!

Answer 7

Well, I'm in sorta the same situation. Only difference is it's my sister and I'm the problem. I really get hurt when my sisters husband say get off the phone and all that stuff. I help my sister out in every way I can (even when her husband does not) We have a strong relationship. I feel,I'm a better person because of her. Maybe it will help if you be a little less critical and a lot more understanding and maybe she'll see the light because it can be a strain I know. I don't like to choose. Don't make her. And think of it this way at least you don't have to talk to her. LOL

Answer 8

Of course you want time alone with your wife. Perhaps she can give her mother a "good night" call before going to bed. My daughter and I are best friends and we call each other several times a day. Every day. My son-in-law calls me too and I call him. I don't know what "normal" is anymore but it sure is nice to be as close to each other as we are!! If we're not normal, at least we're happy!

Answer 9

You are not wrong at all. In fact, many women want a husband like you who wants to spend time with their wives. Your wife doesn't realize how lucky she is.

Buy your wife the book, The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura. It is an EXCELLENT read....all wives should read it.

Good luck!

Answer 10

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