I have posted other questions about my marriage and most people post back about living by your vows..so here is the question..why?why when my husband is rude,selfish, uncaring, unloving, unrespectful and flat out mean should I stay? Is he physically abusive ?no. Mentally ?Yes. He decides the mood of the whole house. As I have posted in the past he is bi-polar..and I am about to have a nervous breakdown dealing with that..He doesnt work so I take care of the family finances while going to college full time.What little time I am home I have to cook for him,take him tanning or do other things for him. So I ask why do I stay?
2007-02-24 13:43:59 · 25 answers · asked by jesika1132 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
We met in highschool 16 years ago..we have children..and he is on medicaton but he wont go to counseling I have gone..but he wont..he was thoughtful when we were younger much younger...
2007-02-24 13:53:31 · update #1
i tried to save my marriage at any cost...that didnt work. we only have one life here, and i dont think we were meant to be their doormats. sounds to me like hes the one who is breaking the vows. ill quote it from the good book "a man shall love his wife as Christ loved the church, and would lay down his life for her" i had a hard time leaving too because of wondering if i was doing the right thing. he loved the drugs, alcohol, and women more than he loves me and the kids. im a much better person for leaving him. i see no reason for you to stay with him. hes not worth a mental breakdown. hope all goes well for you
2007-02-24 14:34:45 · answer #1 · answered by psst.... its me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am asking you why you are staying? Is it because this is familiar and sometimes we stay in situations because of fear of the unknown. I would say that there is very little that you are getting out of this relationship and I sense that you realize this but are just getting some feedback from others to back up your decision.
Personally I believe that life is far too short to spend it being unhappy and miserable. Ten years from now you will just be sick at the wasted years and the opportunities that you missed staying with someone who doesn't have any of the same dreams or aspirations as you. How do you plan on retiring with only one income and worse yet is that you will be in the same house with him twenty four seven.
I think sometimes it is wiser to admit defeat and have the courage to leave a relationship that we no is detrimental to our souls. If you have children what advice would you give to them if they were in this same kind of marriage. You are teaching them that being miserable and sad all the time is acceptable and yet you know if this was them it would break your heart knowing that they could have so much more.
I hope that you make a decision and that it is the right one for you, you have my thoughts and prayers. Good luck.
2007-02-24 13:50:52 · answer #2 · answered by Deirdre O 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think being treated like that is no reason to stay, also why isn't he working and helping support the family you need to say there is changes or I am leaving and follow thru with it no one deserves to live a life like that and you have put up with way to much anyone would so now think about you and what you really want out of your life and go for it. Don't let this to continue you will unhappy and miserable or maybe someone might end up seriously hurt. Take a big breathe and move on.
2007-02-24 13:51:41 · answer #3 · answered by wildrose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had to learn the hard way, my ex-husband had similar mental problems and was very controlling and mentally abusive. (then it got to the point where he eventually did once get physically abusive, and thats when the straw broke the camels back) And i did have a mental breakdown, to where i now have panic attacks and severe anxiety (i had anxiety before but never this severe since i divorced him) Its not healthy to live like that, if you feel that your mental health is in danger and you are not happy at all, and have resolved to work on it but you just don't want to live like this, then i say do what you need to do to make yourself happy. But you can only make that final decision, its whether or not you really want this to work or not.
2007-02-24 13:56:50 · answer #4 · answered by magickitty0621 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you spoken with his doctor? Hopefully a med change will improve his nasty disposition. So you have no regrets, try everything you can before giving up.Keep in mind he will have bad days due being bi-polar, don't expect perfection. If his lousy attitude isn't due to this and he simply won't work on it, leave him. Life is too short to be miserable. Why would you be bringing a man who doesn't work to tanning? Put that money aside, if things don't work out, you'll need it. Best of luck
2007-02-24 14:04:49 · answer #5 · answered by justcurious 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You as well as everyone else on this planet only has 1 shot at your life. If you think that your life is the best it can be with him, then stay and deal with it. If you think hard about your life in general. Ask yourself, am i happy with him, am I happy with my home life, are my kids in the best enviroment? We all have to take care of ourselves first before we can help anyone else!
If you choose to leave him just have a plan how YOU are going to make YOUR life better for YOU!!! Divorce is a good thing sometimes!!!!
2007-02-24 14:31:23 · answer #6 · answered by dan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a few angry people out there who might believe that you save a marriage at any cost. In my opinion, what you describe is your husband destroying your marriage, not you. If he doesn't love you, is making your life miserable, is insulting and cruel...then he has broken the marriage down. It is complicated if you have young children, but neither do you want to show young children a miserable life of abuse, either. Marriage does not give another person a license to mistreat you.
2007-02-24 13:54:15 · answer #7 · answered by Paul 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you must know is if you want to save your marriage and if you find yourself alone in this desire, waiting for the other spouse to make the first move is the beginning of the end. Learn here https://bitly.im/aMomV If you are looking for someone to blame or someone else to put the emotional and physical work into saving the marriage, again, it's going to fail.
2016-05-18 00:50:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel that you both need marriage counseling and try to help and heal your marriage and relationship first and he may need anger management to deal with his anger. Since he is bi-polar he needs to see a doctor for this condition and illness that he has and try to get help and medication for it to even out his moods so he becomes easier to live with. If he wont get help for his disorder and you guys dont seek counseling and help i really do not know how this marriage will last. Please do what you can to try and work on and save this marriage if at all possible before giving up completely.
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2007-02-24 14:06:56 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are your own person. You did agree to death do you part, but on the same note, no one gives a rats behind about that any more. People cheat, lie, steal, kill, support Bush and all other sorts of things, so why should you tolerate unhappiness. There is no good reason. Leave the loser.
2007-02-24 14:16:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋