You and your husband are going through A LOT (on the verge to divorce)!!! And he goes out with the kids and he bought you a sweater, a LARGE, now mind you, you are a small sometimes an extra-small and he says he didn't want to look through the stuff so he just picks up whatever. Do you get offended thinking that is how he views everything as "WHATEVER" or am I suppose to look at the thought that counts? HELP!!!
2007-02-24 13:38:51 · 36 answers · asked by Completly in love... 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This really isn't about the sweater, so lets look at both things that are on your mind.
You're projecting your relationship onto clothing and are trying to over analyze a piece of cloth.
Did you ask him to get you a sweater? If not, he was thinking of you. Clearly he doesn't pay attention to the details. If you like the
general look or color of the sweater then go and get the right size. Your guy is clearly not giving up on the relationship.
If you did ask for him to get it for you and you like the sweater except for the size, then he should have paid attention to the size better by checking the inside tag. It's possible it was hanging on a hanger with a size on it, but the wrong size-lets face it, women knows this happens but men don't.
If you like the thing at all, then clearly he knows what you like just a little bit and there is hope.
I think you need to relax and remind yourself why you married him in the first place. What things are really special about him.
Get a marriage counselor and see what you can work out. There are kids involved and that always makes divorces sticky.
2007-02-24 13:55:27 · answer #1 · answered by J C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men don't know anything about sizes let alone want to stand at a rack and shift through everything on it. How many men do you know that really enjoy going shopping?
You really should look at it as it is the thought that counts. If a couple were together for 50 yrs and you asked the man what size his wife wore he more than likely is not going to know.
Don't sweat the small stuff sweetie your husband is trying to make things better between the two of you. I don't know the 2 of you and what it is that has you on the verge of divorce but you can't really knock him for making an attempt to make you smile.
Good Luck and I hope everything turns out good for you and yours!
2007-02-24 13:52:24 · answer #2 · answered by luscious0071 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well 1st of all, if you guys are on the verge of a divorce.. I would say that you guys should spent some time apart before you guys make any sudden decision!!! Only then will you guys know how it REALLY feels to be apart and if you guys miss each other and realize that being apart isn't the way you guys are suppose to be, then you guys should get back together and work things out. Have a serious talk with him and tell him what you feel. Him saying "whatever" to things is because he wants to escape the problems, it does not mean that he does not care about you.... and well follow your heart!!!
Good Luck Girlie!!!
2007-02-24 13:53:08 · answer #3 · answered by WiseGirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you are feeling. What he did was half-a**ed. Not uncommon for people who are having marital difficulties. I've done it and it' been done to me. It's called I want to make a peace offering, but I don't want to appear like I'm begging.
He knows you like to wear the occasional sweater, and he got it in a color that would look good on you? In a moment of insecurity, he chose not to get a size that would fit you. It was a unconscious choice that would doom the gift to failure but still the effort was there to TRY and do something nice for the woman that he loves but is having trouble communicating with. He said "whatever" to avoid talking about his feelings because he was honestly trying to make a peace offering and it failed like he "knew" it would.
Also, because you have been having so many problems you flew off in the "why don't you every pay attention to me, I'm a small not a large." direction.. therefore the gift failed and he has reaffirmed that you are a Harpy and nothing will ever please you. Take a hit for the team to fix this. (IE-swallow your pride) and apologize for not seeing the sweater as the true gift (thought/intention) it was suppose to be.
Example: During a quiet moment in the home SIT (less imposing than standing) down next to him and say, "I'm sorry for overreacting about the size of the sweater. It really is a nice sweater and I'm glad you thought of me to know I would like it. The color is something that I would pick out for myself too. I appreciate your efforts to make me happy. Thank you." Kiss him on the cheek or lips. "But since the size is wrong, why don't we go exchange it and then go for ice cream as a treat? We could share a banana split?" When he meets your gaze hold it with a small smile.
This effort shows that you too are TRYING to make an effort for the happiness of the marriage.
2007-02-24 14:09:49 · answer #4 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
pretty petty reason to get upset. Its the thought that counts. Wouldn't matter to me if he bought me the wrong size, he was thinking about you when he was out. My husband and I are going through a lot right now too and we've been through a lot, but when he's been away or out and has picked up things for me, even if I didn't like it or it didn't fit, it was nice to know I was on his mind that day.
2007-02-24 13:52:03 · answer #5 · answered by Pandora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that pesonally I would be happy for the thought. Like you said you are both going through alot right now. take the sweater back and get your size. Thank him for the thought. Have you guys been to a marriage counselor for help yet?
2007-02-24 13:46:04 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would agree that it's the thought that counts if there were some thought put into it. Women must stop accepting whatever men throw out. When a man thinks 'whatever', whatever is what shows.
2007-02-24 14:53:37 · answer #7 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He had to put some thought into it and that shows he cares. Do not take it offensivley, cos anyway if he brought u a large he must not think 'large' girls are ugly which means he loves you no matter what! Try your best to make it through the day, and i hope you the best in your divorce.
2007-02-24 14:04:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he's just trying to keep you quiet. A man that really cares about your feelings would make the effort to get it right and state that he is "trying". It's not the thought that counts here because there was no thought put into it. Wear the large sweater, show some cleavage, say "thanks dear" and go out with the girls!
2007-02-24 14:01:30 · answer #9 · answered by rggiggles 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he wasn't so bad to live with, you could smile & say "Thanks! Wrong size, you - but thanks for the present". If he's driving you crazy anyway, you could decide that it's up to you, he hasn't planned to insult you, and he & you could talk about the important things. Like that he wanted to buy you a gift, and didn't think about it, and not bother, but did it anyway? Like that he showed the kids that he likes you and is not embarrassed to buy you something even when you can't be with them? Not that I know anything about your situation, of course, but I think you both should talk, and not about sweater sizes. Of course he views things as - you want a husband or you'll settle for a personal shopper who gets it right because they are paid to do only that?
2007-02-24 13:52:28 · answer #10 · answered by WomanWhoReads 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋