How do people overcome affairs, if they decide to forgive the partner?

Question

Does the affair still live on till their five years into the forgiven realtionship?

Does the name of that woman of man, five to ten years still gives shivers down the spine and make of self-doubt?

I want stories of experience. I know you live on, but surely it doesnt by pass, knowing they might of not used a condom and got the mistress preggas!

Answer 1

if it lives on its not forgiven

Answer 2

Well that all depends. If you are talking about partial foregiveness, you forgive the person frankly but leave the relationship and find someone you can have a trusting, loving relationship with. If you are speaking of full, unconditional foregiveness, than you move forward eventually forgetting what happened. Unconditional foregiveness requires a great deal of love and trust, and is only possible if both are willing to put forth at least an equal amount of love, trust and complete forgiveness. Ideally more effort and energy is required from the actual offender for this to work. The victim needs to once again feel, and know that the person will never abuse their trust again. True repentance is required on the part of the offender for unconditional foregiveness to be granted. If the personal is truly repentent, they won't do it again.

Answer 3

My wife had an affair ten years ago. She actually moved out for about 2 months, and asked for a divorce, but her affair fell apart about a month after that and I accepted her back to reunite my family and give it another try. I actually made my wife wait for about a month after her return to ensure no confusion if she was pregnant...I was not ready to raise another man's child.

You never forget. The experience does change you, but you can adapt and grow. I do trust my wife now, completely. She still to this day apologizes for what happened if the subject somehow crosses our path. I can see in her eyes that she is ashamed by what happened still. This helps an awful lot, she makes me feel like I am the better man, and she says she feels stupid for having thought otherwise. And she is right. :)

Myself, I was furiously angry and upset for a long time, and I began a string of more or less anonymous cyber-relationships to try to deal with this. Over time, I found ways to accept the affair and make it my own experience. I began fantasizing about "sharing" my wife, an appalling thought generally but a useful mechanism for helping me deal with some of the issues.

Time does help. If the spouse who cheated is an open book, apologetic and really loves you, it can work and slowly but surely the memory will fade into the distant past.

Answer 4

Relationships are built on trust. When that trust is damaged - or in the case of an affair, totally destroyed - the relationship suffers accordingly.

Be honest with yourself. By asking this question on the internet, it seems that you might well think the same thing under the surface. You may be able to forgive, but never forget. Don't throw good time after bad, end the relationship and start the next chapter of your life. If you don't, you could literally waste years in a futile attempt to "forgive".

Good luck to you.

Answer 5

You never overcome affairs, people just try and save face and stay together for any number of reasons. But, as you can tell from all the responses above me, it basically kills the marriage, either by separating or staying together and everything is not like it was and never can be. Personally, I don't know why either person would want to stay together after that.

Bottom line, if you have an affair, don't get caught, know that if you do, the marriage is over.

Answer 6

The answer is YES,YES,YES. I always forgave my husband when I loved him but I never forgot. After 12 years and 3 very public affairs, to my amazement I stopped loving him, just like that out of the blue.I stay ed with him for another 6 years wanting to keep my family together at all costs. When I could not stand it anymore I applied for a divorce, he couldn't handle it , stalked me and broke into my home and tried to kill me.All a terrible mess and a waste of peoples lives, all the damage never goes away, I met a man after two years had our daughter but refused to marry him as I was constanly waiting for him to go the same way as my X. After 10 years I changed my mind and we have been together for 18 years and have two children. Most people have a story to tell!!

Answer 7

those feelings are normal, and to be perfectly honest, I have been cheated on and it hurts and its never forgotten. EVER! Forgiving is words "I forgive you" the act of forgiving is much harder. You have to think ahead, will you freak when that person is late and no calls, doesn't answer their cell, has no explanation for their whereabouts, and it may all be innocent but the seed has been planted. Its an awful awful hurt that will never go away. I wish I had better news or a better outlook but I don't. It will carry on with you forever. Even in a new relationship, it will take time to overcome and to this day it hurts me also. If you wanna talk email me, its so hard to explain!!!!! Good luck my dear, and remember you did nothing wrong.

Answer 8

Life dont go on.

I cant possibly imagine how it is after so many years together to sicover hurt, then retrust knowing there are possibltilies upon future circumstances. If you felt you have tooken a partner back and s/he has lied ask them. You can only sense self doubt and regret.

If you dont feel right, bail out now. Life isnt short, and why should you let it carry on further with regret.

If you love him , leave it go now. For your futures sake.

Answer 9

I forgave my husband for an affair last year. He earned that forgiveness and I am trying to forget, but I think it's best that I not forget... We are working on rebuilding and have much better communication. We stop ourselves from falling in to the same ugly ruts... but at night when we're in bed, I do silently wonder why and am still pained by it. I don't know what it will be like in the next few years, but my faith in God has also strengthed, so I know I'll be ok.

Answer 10

I am eight months down the line and find it so hard to forget!
Knowing he shared our intimacy with someone else causes me so much pain, it is unbearable!
I find myself throwing up whenever I think of them together.
I am trying to get on with life and he is doing his very best to make up for his wrongdoing, but the pain is raw and the heart is in bits!
I feel disrespected, hurt, cheated and at the moment very low.
He may have ruined the lives of 4 kids and 20 years of marriage just for sex with another woman!
Who knows where this will end!

Answer 11

You never overcome it . I did try with my ex and she did get preggas . I booted her stooped butt out the door and kept the kid after all it wasn't the kids fault he was put in a bad situation just like i was. I love the hell out of him hes like my best Friend now neither one of us needs her .

You cant live with a cheater. To hell with them.