Any ideas on how to make the intro to my macbeth essay better?

Question

For the essay we have to pick two themes and analyze/discuss them. This is what i have so far:

"From the body of one guilty deed a thousand ghostly fears and haunting thoughts proceed" William Wordsworth (1770 – 1850). Guilt is a state in which a person experiences conflict for having done something wrong. This guilt haunts and burdens this person until their wrongs are made right. In the play Macbeth by William Shakespeare, Macbeth and Lady Macbeth both feel a great deal of guilt over the murders of King Duncan and Banquo, which they masterminded. Macbeth believes in the idealogy of “necessary evil” where he has to commit some evil in for the greater good of himself and the people of Scotland by taking power from the King by killing him. But the more evil deeds Macbeth commits to achieve his goal of becoming king the more his guilt increases making his life miserable. The themes of guilt and the false ideogly of “necessary evil” are present throughout the play.

Answer 1

Below I've posted a tweaked version of your intro as I would have written it. If you don't want to use it then that's perfectly fine. I think what you have written so far has strong points and clear ideas. However, there are a few mechanical and grammatical errors I'd like to point out to improve your existing intro in case you decide to stick with it.
First of all, it's not appropriate to begin an essay or paragraph with a quote so you should really reconsider the placement of your quote. It's a great quote but it shouldn't start the sentence.

Secondly I think that "...experiences conflict FOR having done..." sounds a little awkward and I would change that to either "...experiences conflict AT having done..." or "...experiences conflict UPON having done..."

In the third sentence you speak of THIS person and THEIR wrongs. As I'm sure you know, if you're referring to a single individual whose gender is undefined you must use the singular possessive "his or her" rather than "their" which refers to more than one person.

If you're going to include the dates in which William Wordsworth lived you should also include the ones in which Shakespeare lived in order to maintain consistency. Or you can just eliminate dates altogether.

In the fourth sentence, where it says "Macbeth and Lady Macbeth both feel..." the "both" is unnecessary.

Whenever you introduce a new character in your essay you should give a very brief explanation of who he/she is in relation to the work being discussed. You shouldn't assume that the reader knows who Macbeth, Lady Macbeth, King Duncan, or Banquo are.

Also, the part that ends with "...Banquo, which they masterminded" is incorrectly written and I think you should eliminate the "which they masterminded" altogether. If you still want to say it however, then at least eliminate the comma right after Banquo because it is unnecessary.

In the fifth sentence, where it says "...to commit some evil in for the greater...", eliminate the "in". It was probably a typo but just in case it wasn't....

In the same sentence "the greater good of himself" sounds a little awkward. It's not necessarily incorrect but it could probably be rewritten to sound a little smoother. The only way I can think to rewrite that is somewhat similar to my version below: "...where he has to commit some evil for the greater good of the people of Scotland as well as for his own appeasement."
I would end this sentence right after appeasement otherwise you have quite the run-on sentence. I would follow up the sentence with "To accomplish this goal he believes he must kill King Duncan and usurp his power."

You should remove the "But" at the beginning of the sixth sentence because you should never begin a sentence with a conjuction. I suggest using "However, ..." instead.

In the same sentence I would change "...guilt increases making his life miserable" to "...guilt increases thus making his life miserable" in order to unify the sentence.

Finally, the last sentence seems to come out of nowhere. It summarizes the main ideas you are discussing but has nothing to do with the previous sentence. You should find a way to unify the two thoughts so that your closing statement is concurrent with the rest of your introduction. The best sentence I can come up with to do this is the same as in my version of your intro: "Macbeth's actions and their resulting psychological consequences properly exemplify the themes of guilt and the false ideology of “necessary evil” continually present throughout the play."


Here is my version. You're welcome to use it if you'd like:
As William Wordsworth so clearly stated “From the body of one guilty deed a thousand ghostly fears and haunting thoughts proceed” thus defining guilt as the awareness of having done wrong or committed a crime accompanied by feelings of shame and regret. One who feels the weight of guilt at having wronged another experiences an internal conflict upon reflecting on his or her wrongful deeds. This guilt haunts and burdens the malefactor until the wrongs committed are righted. In William Shakespeare’s Macbeth, the protagonists Macbeth, a Scottish general and the thane of Glamis, and his wife, Lady Macbeth, feel a great deal of remorse over the murders of King Duncan of Scotland and Banquo, a noble general whose children are to inherit the Scottish throne. Said murders were wickedly masterminded by Macbeth and his wife in an attempt to usurp the king’s power. Macbeth believes in the ideology of “necessary evil” which allows the committing of some evil in order to achieve a profitable and superior purpose. Hence, Macbeth justifies the murders he commits by reasoning that they were perpetrated in exchange for the greater good of Scotland as well as for his own appeasement. However, the more evil deeds he commits en route to appropriating the Scottish throne, the more his guilt increases thus making his life miserable and his existence unbearable. Macbeth's actions and their resulting psychological consequences properly exemplify the themes of guilt and the false ideology of “necessary evil” continually present throughout the play.

I hope my advice is helpful. I've always been a good writer in terms of vocabulary usage, grammar, fluidity, and mechanics so I hope you consider my advice carefully and thoroughly. As I mentioned before you're introduction has excellent points but the execution needs a little work. I say that not to put you down but to help you improve your essay. I hope everything turns out well for you and I wish you the best of luck!!! :D

Answer 2

I have copied it over and attempted to correct it. I would suggest having a clearer thesis as well.

"From the body of one guilty deed a thousand ghostly fears and haunting thoughts proceed" was stated by William Wordsworth (1770 – 1850). Guilt is a state in which a person experiences conflict for having done something wrong; and this guilt haunts and burdens the person until their wrongs are made right. In the play Macbeth by William Shakespeare Macbeth and Lady Macbeth feel a much guilt over the murders of King Duncan and Banquo, which they masterminded. Macbeth believes in the ideology of “necessary evil,” where he must commit wrongs for the greater good of himself and the people of Scotland. He does this by killing th King to take power from him. However, the more evil deeds Macbeth commits to achieve his goal of becoming king the more his guilt increases. This makes his life miserable. The themes of guilt and the false ideology of “necessary evil” are present throughout the play.

Answer 3

They got web-site where you can find other college students stuff and copy it just be sure and change a few words ......yours sounds good to me thou

Answer 4

It sounds very good to me...strong opening.