I wrote this story. It's on my blog, please rate:?

Question

Thank you, please read.

http://storiesofuntruths.blogspot.com/

Answer 1

I did enjoy it; it's not finished, I hope, or else I am dense, which cannot be.
You should review the use of "shall" in correct English.
You should work on better transitions when McGriver faces a crisis; he needs a little more reaction when he learns his parents are dead (or not dead for sure, but missing) and when he is suddenly given a position in an agency nobody ever heard of, founded in1776.
I'd like to see this story again! I'm just a grammarian, not a storyteller.

Answer 2

It's good but its not MY type of book