Should I be supportive? My husband wants to quit his job and go back to school!?

Question

My husband and I have been married 4 years and have two kids (ages 1 and 3). We have a mortgage, day care costs, and other bills. We both make great incomes (both over $100k per year) but he wants to quit his job, take out a loan and go back to school full time to study music. His dream is to be a musician and a producer and to work in music. He says he is very unhappy with his job, working the 9-5 desk job, and wants to "do music." I have been VERY supportive and want him to be happy BUT I don't understand going back to school to pay like $60k for a degree in music when he probaby won't make much money AND I just think most great producers/musicians don't have degrees, they just do what they do best/love... play music! No degree needed! Anyway, I don't want to end up resenting him but I just feel like he's not being responsible and honesty, just acting like a kid who won't grow up! We all have dreams but guess what ... the creditors don't take dreams as payment... only cash! HELP!!?

Answer 1

The answer to this question depends on whether this is a midlife crisis. If it is a midlife crisis, he needs counseling. If it is truly something he wants to do it, he should go for it. Your income should be able to cover any expenses. If he is dissatisfied in his job, his homelife will suffer too. The marriage will fall apart, he will become irritable, less productive, and even depressed. Before quitting his job though, he needs to make sure that he has a good plan for how he's going to become a musician and what he's going to do once he has his degree.He needs to make the right connections right now before he does something as drastic as quitting his job. He also needs to evaluate himself realistically and make sure he has what it takes to be in the music business. I had this problem with my husband last year. He liked his job, but he wanted to play football. He wanted to quit his job and play on a semi-pro football team until he was "discovered" and drafted to the NFL. I asked him to evaluate himself and also think about what being in the NFL, if he made it, would do to our lifestyle and our future children's lifestyle. After thinking about it, he realized that he would rather be around his family and kids every day and have plenty of time for us. If he made it pro, he wouldn't have that. He'd be traveling all the time during football season. He also realized that he was out of shape and a little old to be starting a football career. So he eventually decided not to do it.

Answer 2

Well for one he doesnt have to quit his job to go to school, not in this time anyway. There are night classes and weekend classes, not to metion online classes and video classes. And like most of the others say if you cant make it on 100k a year then you need to re evaluate your priorities, most people only make a combined income of 30 to 40k a year and they do just fine. You should support him in his dream but maybe find a way to do it so that everyone is happy. You could always cut up the credit cards and shop a little less. Make a budget and stick to it and i am sure you could make it on a measly little 100 k a year. geesh try living on the rest of our incomes with creditors wanting their money. Not to mention if yall make that much money why would he need to take out a loan to go back to school? I am in school and it hasnt costed me no where near 60k, i pay less than 3k a semester. must be one expensive school.

Answer 3

I would support his decision to go back to school. However, I would request that he work part-time and go to school part time. You don't want him to have such a large gap on his resume if school, for some reason, just doesn't work out.

At 200k per year, you guys will survive. Many people have gone back to school full time on much less of an income.

Don't be the person that stands in the way of his dreams. He will resent you for that. Besides, money isn't what it is all about. I'd much rather make less money and have a happy husband who enjoys what he does than one who is miserable and drudging himself thru the day.

That said. It's a decision you have to make with your husband. Communicate your concerns without blaming him. In the end, this is your life partner. Think about what kind of outcome you would want if you were the one wanting to pursue a life long dream. Would you resent your husband getting in the way when you knew you could survive on 100k per year?

Answer 4

Maybe he can't see another way out of his crap job. He might think that he won't be happy if he works part time and plays music part time.

I think you should be supportive--but I understand your feelings about the bills. Maybe you both can come to a compromise until the kids are old enough for kindergarten--he could take a class or two and keep working until some of the other bills are paid off.

Or, if you both earn that much, move to a smaller house, pay off the big bills and then he goes to school.

Answer 5

I agree with you music is a talent either you have it or you don't .
But on the other hand why do you need a loan if your making 100k each . You should have cash on hand unless your living beyond your means in that case i don't blame your husband why should he get old working a job he hates just so you can out do the Jones. Sounds like he wont's out of the rat race

Maybe you should think your life over to do you love him or the money hes bringing in.

Answer 6

If he wants to go back to school, be supportive, he might throw it back at you later when you want to do something that is important to you.

Granted a lot of musicians don't have degrees but if he has that degree people might take him more seriously.

Sure he is being selfish because he has a family to support but you are being selfish because you won't take the financial cut. You can survive on 100k. Ask him to maybe at least get a part time job while attending school.

Answer 7

You're getting some pretty lenient responses to your question, I think it's because you're a woman that people are going easy on you. If the genders were reversed in this situation and it was a husband complaining and griping about his wife wanting to go back to school and pursue her dreams, then people wouldn't be able to rush fast enough to tell him how selfish and rotten he is for not being more supportive...

Stop being such a control freak and let the guy be happy, it's not like you'll financially suffer for it unless you're really stupid about how you budget your money (which you do make a lot of).

Answer 8

You mean with you both bringing in 100k you can't afford to let him go back to school and study music? Or was that 100k just a load of bullshit on your part? If you have that many creditors that they take up over 200k a year to pay then baby you are living WAY beyond your means to begin with.

Answer 9

Well you kind of have to though or else he'll blame it on you that he wasnt able to do what he wanted to. I dont think he needs to full out quit his job to do it though. He can go to school part time and maybe cut his work down to part time.

I agree that degrees are really nothing more than a piece of paper and in general the school doesnt teach you what you need to perform at a job, you still need to be trained. He'd be better off just trying to do it himself at home in his off time. Thers tons of music production software that runs on computers that he can get and just buy books and figure out how it works. I've done this at home myself.

You have to be supportive though, his misery no longer becomes the fault of his job or his life if you were the one that made him stay in it. I would ask him for a compromise. See if he would try tinkering with it on his own to see if thats what he really wanted to do. It might be just enough to satisfy his hunger to do it.

Answer 10

if i'm reading right you make $100k+ each. and you can't make it on $100k then there is a more serious problem then whether or not you should support his disire to go back to school. I would say get your spending under control find a more affordable home and vehicles and learn to to not be so materialistic so that you can support the guy in his dream.