Would you stay?

Question

My husband is emotionally and verbally and financially abusive. He screams at me for money for bars and friends. He does not work and I work 10 hour days some days. He calls me names and I have to give him the money or he keeps screaming until I am scared. I do it so he leaves; then he comes back and is even worse with the names and voice. He threatens to kick me out of the apartment daily when I object to the money spending. He has no hobbies except bars and gambling. I have been trying to find us cultured activities and he is a no go for it.His friends laugh and just drive off when he starts in on me! I need some options on how to cope with this. I have little money he takes it all, no family(parents are dead and brother is estranged living far away). Friends unable to take my child and I both in...Should I just take this?

Answer 1

I'm so sorry for you, dear. This sounds terrible.
You (and your child) need to get out of this relationship.
Your first step could be contacting a local women's shelter. They will help counsel you and give you some coping and/or exit strategies. An other option would be to talk with your family doctor.
There is lots of help out there for you and your child. And you should not have to take this kind of abuse!
It may seem difficult to leave. But you will be soooooooo much better off in the long run.
Good luck. Stay strong.

Answer 2

NO! do not take this. If you can't leave for yourself, leave for your child. No child should put up with this crap. You are an adult you could probably handle it a little better, but still it is very stressful and unhealthy. So what if you have no family. Find a way to save some money and leave. You dont have to tell him where u are going. Just say you are going to your brothers cause he needs your help if he gets abusive. Go on craigslist.org real estate. Depending on where you live people can offer rooms or shares at 250 a month.
Again, do it for your baby. And do you want more kids with this man?
Do u think it's fair for your baby? Your child will see this pattern of behaving badly and chances are will grow up and find an abusive relationship also. You think that's good?

Answer 3

Your husband needs to find a job and if he is going to bars and getting wasted, then he does not really love you. I was married to a man for 11 years and he worked and he demanded all of his money for the same type of situation that you are going through.
You and your child deserve better than what this s---o--b-- is putting you through. It only gets worse. I do not know how long you have been putting up with this, but you need to do something so that you and your child can have the life that you need to have.
Take it from a lady that has already been in your shoes you need to get out of this relationship and fast. He will end up killing you.
Make a plan to leave and stick with it. Go to one of the shelters that they have set up for women and children in abusive situations. they will keep you there and help you get back on your feet. this would be the way that you need to do it.
You need to leave and get away from this abuser. Once they abuse you, it does not stop, it gradually gets worse and over time, they will hurt you badly.
Take Action---Do it now. Leave and have a good life. File for divorce also.

Answer 4

Please go to a womans shelter for help for you and your child. They can help you get a place with what you make and help you get the aid you need. Please for your childs sake, who hears this day after day, this man is abusive and it will not stop. Take it from an old woman who has learned the hard way. If you stay, it could be reason for them to take your child away from you, the law is on the childs side as it should be. So go as soon as you can, call the nearest shelter if you need to call the police for the number but leave. Your just supporting his habits when you should be supporting your child which he doesn't care about or he wouldn't be taking the money away from you.

Answer 5

After that horrifying description straight out of a nightmare, do you honestly think anyone is going to say yes you should just take it and stay?

Do yourself and your husband both a huge favor and start working toward a divorce as soon as possible. You obviously couldn't have a lower opinion of him even if you tried, and the feeling is probably mutual so there is nothing in the relationship worth salvaging. It takes two to destroy a marriage so I'm pretty sure both of you have played your part even though you're painting a one-sided picture.

Answer 6

NOOO NOOOOOOOOOOOO this is not a marriage and no place for your child to be witness to this kind of thing DONT TAKE ANYMORE

kick him out - or if you have to LEAVE and go anywhere - ask your boss at work for advice - or any work collegues - go stay in a cheap holiday resort - or seek help from the police with regard to a womens refuge.

you cant take this from this man - he doesnt respect you or your child - his friends are equally wrong - he has a gambling habit and an alcoholic problem and trust me he wont change and it wont get better .....if he does face his demons it will always be hanging there to attack -

ask God for guidance - or ask the church for help as they may be able to find you somewhere ......but really YOU should not have to be the one to leave the home with a child -

or if your are really sick of all this - kick him out one day change the locks - inform the police and dont look back - get a life for you and your child and dont let this man back in to ruin you. where is his family in all this????

good luck x

Answer 7

Contact a battered women's shelter or some other such organization to get some advice on how you can get away from your husband safely.

Don't let him know you are doing this, and don't let your child know because he or she may accidentally let your husband know.

You need to get away from him as soon as possible, but you need to do it in a way that is safe for you and your child. Once you are safely away you can then decide how to permanently leave your abusive disrespectful husband.

Maybe some others here will be able to give you the names of some women's shelters you can contact.

Answer 8

You never have to "just take it". Get out, go, leave, run, whatever you want to call it. It sounds like your hubby is a "DUD". I doubt he will change. Next time he gets nasty with you I would suggest you contact the police. In most states the police are obliged to arrest someone on domestic dispute calls. File a PFA against him. You are the one working so you aren't dependant on him for income. That's good. After he gets arrested and you file the PFA I would suggest you have a girlfriend or someone else you trust, stay with you for awhile. If he is the violent, threatning type I would also suggest you get some form of self defense. A 20gage shotgun should work. It's intimidating, it's deadly and if you buy shells get the "low-brass, #8 shot" Nice spread, won't penetrate the interior walls of the house. One word of advise. Never pull a firearm in self-defense unless you are willing to use it.

Answer 9

OK here's what you do, when he leaves for the bar you change the locks on the doors, then when he makes a scene call the cops, or when he's gone pack all your stuff and leave him go to a shelter, they take in women who are in situations just like yours. You need to get way from him, you're going to end up seriously hurt or dead.

Answer 10

I dont even need to finish reading your question, you work 10 hours a day and he doesnt work at all? marriage isnt that supposed to be a mutual meaning both parties comtribute? I feel sorry that you have noone to help you nearby but you shouldnt stand for that. get out while you still can you can do so much better then this.