Am I crazy for staying?

Question

I have been married to my husband for 3 years and we've had our share of ups and downs, but like most women say, I love him! He hasn't always been a bad person and recently he's gotten a lot better. He doesn't have a job although he's been trying really hard. He's a convicted felon and he is on probation. Like I said, I was with him when he was a hustler and now that he's trying to change, it is hard on me. I have to work two jons and pay the bills by myself. When i come home, he hasn't cooked, cleaned, taken out the trash or even tried to wash a load of clothes. He makes me so angry and i feel bad when i really tell him how i feel. I know that some of the things i say are hurtful, but they are true. He tells me that when i talk to him like that, that i make him feel like less of a man. I don't mean to but i don't want him to get comfortable with me taking care of our family. If anyone has any suggestions or comments, i would really like to hear them. thank you.

Answer 1

Well first of all, it sounds to me like u are making things pretty easy for him if you have a big heart and are financially supporting you and your family. But no one can tell you to leave if you love him. You and only you know if you are making the right decision to stay or not. Personally i would ditch him but that's my personal choice. Would he consider counseling with you? That may be a start. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

You arent asking too much of him. He cannot continue to do nothing and allow u to do it all. If he isnt working, then he should be the one to take care of the house and things. If he doesnt want to do the house thing, then he needs to get a job. There is no excuse for not having one.
There are places who hire felons and give them a second chance.
He needs to contact his probation officer or a public service and find these particular places who give people like him a second chance and a new lease on life after being incarcerated.
There simply is no excuse. I work at a prison and know how the system works. There is help if u ask for it. But u cant sit around and wait for oppurtunity to come to u.
The things u say to him are not whats making him feel like less of a man. He knows he isnt doing what he should, this is what is making him feel less of a man.
It sounds as though he has potential. How bout trying to sit and talk to him about the things that he can do, instead of the things he isnt doing. And dont wait until u r angry to do it. This is when u say the hurtful things. Although, sometimes the truth hurts.
If u love this man, then u two need to get this priority thing straightened out. If he gets a job, it will improve his pride immediately. Tell him, if its just a minimum wage job, at least its a job. Doesnt matter what, but he needs to take on some of the responsibility financially. Anything is better than what he is bringing in at the moment.
I wish u luck. And hope he gets his life straightened back out. The choices he has made prior, are going to making future things more difficult, but it doesnt have to defeat him.
Good luck.

Answer 3

Yes make him get a job or clean the house. He has it to good right now that is the problem. He could get a job at a fast food restuarant or something they would hire him but it sounds like to me he does not really want to. He wants you to take care of him financially and the chores. Give him an ultimatum either a job or the chores or you will leave him maybe it will shock him back into reality.

Answer 4

some men will never learn. It comes from getting things too easily. My current bf is the same. His mother always did everything for him and now he's a complete pain in the **** whenever I ask him to do anything to help. It shits me how we even have to negotiate jobs for the dishes.

Unfortunately, I don't think my man will ever learn to think independently about doing things. I will always have to be a nag (which scares me cos one day I want a family too). For me - this relationship will probably not last. I am a career woman, not a mans mum.

It's up to you but I don't think change is likely for your man without outside help. You need to decide whether you can deal with nagging him forever or perhaps trying to get him to talk with someone. goodluck and well done, keep holding on!

Answer 5

In all honesty the "looking for a job" is a line, sorry. There are jobs out there he may not want to be a fry cook at McDonald's or a stock man at Wal-Mart but it's a job.

As the head of the household he should be working, just tell him if he doesn't work, in some form whether it be housework or outside of the home he doesn't eat, but this is just my opinion.

Answer 6

Well, the truth of the matter is, if he truly cared about how you felt, he would do all the cooking cleaning etc. since he is home all day. I am sorry that his feelings are hurt but he needs to get over it and you don't need to feel bad about it. Tell him that he needs to help you.

Answer 7

I wish I had good advice for you, it is tough to live with a man who's not being a man. A man provides for and works hard for his family, and maybe he needs some tough love from you....so he feels bad, tell him instead of feeling bad, go get a job! Break the cycle NOW because otherwise the dynamics will be set in motion and that much harder to change.

Answer 8

he has to do his fair share in this relationship. tell him ur tired after work to cook and clean.. im sure he wouldnt like it if he worked 2 jobs and u did nothing all day long... there must be something he can do for money.. mow lawns. something.... maybe cooking and cleaning makes him feel less of a man thats why he doesnt want to do it.... good luck...

Answer 9

Tell him to get a job or get out! Quite easy,really..

Answer 10

Yes you are.