i have a terrible fear of the girl i made contact with in canada leaving me?

Question

because of all the problems and insecurities i have...ive been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and have very low self esteem. im 29. feel insecure about my life and my self. this girl is 20, ive talked to her now for two years on the msn, ive told her how much i love her, she said she loves me, but i live in fear and terror shell leave and abandon me, because of my problems(described in other questions recently)>> i dont think could handle it if she left me, i have a constant feeling of emptiness and isolation. i so desperatly want to get my life together. she said shes moving to england next year to be with me. i love her and am terrified of losing her. of her leaving me..relashionships and frienships are non existant in my life because of the types of problems ive endured. she is a real gem in my life. i wanna commit to her, and have told her this. but i fear shes bound to leave me once she learns fully of my struggles. ive never been employed and on benifits

i feel i have nothing going for me, i dont feel im capable of being liked for who iam...can anyone offer any help on how to deal with this real, real problem? please no bible bashers please, or dont tell me to read the bible thanks

she is the somebody i want..have always wanted. couldnt bare to lose her. she fills my life with vigor and hope and joy and much much more

i worry because i get very possessive and clingy with her and needy and find it difficult not to show it or cover it up

my feelings of low self worth are unbelievable

i need her pie, lol only joking, just thought id try cheer myself up

Answer 1

I can tell you two things from experience:

1. Being jealous, possessive, clingy, needy and dependant will only ensure that she will leave. You are creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

2. Do not pin all of your hopes and dreams and wishes on her. She will feel the burden of having to make up for all of your struggles, and that should not be hers to carry. You need to come to a relationship healthy and happy and not have fairy tale expectatoins that someone else is going to take away all the hurt you feel.

You really should invest in therapy; it sounds like you have a lot of work to do before you can offer this girl any sort of emotionally stable and fulfilling relationship.

Answer 2

The Borderline Personality Disorder is the problem. If you really love this girl, you will learn all you can about this condition and do all you can to manage it. Unless you take care of yourself, you will lose her and everyone else. BPD leads to an "I Hate You Don't Leave Me" situation. How can that be good for anyone? You must take charge of your life and do what you need to do so this condition does not destroy you.

Answer 3

You must be able to recognise love within yourself if you want to recognise love from others. This low self esteem is bringing all these unwanted fears from you and you will not get this paranoia out until you look within yourself and let this fear go.

Look, if you take a deep breath for one moment, not thinking about the fear, not thinking about your flaws, releasing all this self judgment - just one moment. Take a deep breath. Dont think about the past, the future. Just look what you have now. What do you have?

You have someone who loves you. Someone who recognises you as a person of love. Someone who respects you despite of your low self esteem. You have her supporting you.

Is there anything in your life that can destroy what you have now?

No. Only your fear.

If you look at all your problems now, you will see that they are only unwanted situations. They are only problems because you are denying the reality of the situations. So what can you do about this? Accept the reality, resolve what is within your control, accept the things that are beyond your control. There's nothing else you can do but that. The denial will only make it worse or will only let the unwanted situations remain where they are now. But you can't deal with any of them if you are feeding your low self esteem with fears.

You must learn to love yourself if you want someone to love you for who and what you are. You can't expect anybody else to do that for you if you can't do that for yourself.

You are who you are. You are what you are. Your looks, your past and your family history are all things that are beyond your control. Is there anything you can do to change those? Perhaps. You can look better, but not completely be another person. You can't change your past. You can't change your family history. You can deny them, but you can't change them.
Knowing that what you can't accept for your self are things that are beyond your control, you can only keep denying them or accept them.

If you want to let go of the pain, you must let go of your denials.

This girl - do you love her for who and what she is or do you love her because of the relationship? Would you want her to love you because of the relationship that you two have or do you want her to love you for who and what you are?

If you want the latter, then you must learn to love yourself.

Is it really that hard?

No. The only person preventing you from liking yourself is you.

Let go of the fears. Accept the reality that are beyond your control. Change what you can that is within your control.

If you want to recognise her love for you, you must recognise the love within you. Love will only be as good as the love that you recognise.

If you want to deserve her and her love, then tell yourself that you deserve her. You must truly believe this if you want the relationship to work.

You do love her more than your fears, don't you?

Then let go of your fears.

Tell yourself that you deserve the life that you want.

It's time to start being kind to yourself.

Answer 4

Go to youtube.com and search for Byron Katie. Watch a few of her videos, and I almost guarantee you'll be impressed by how she gets people to work on their fears. All it takes is a few minutes to watch, then you'll likely get some ideas on how to work out your fear of this girl leaving you.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Will you've to chose a girl or masturbate in the rest of your life.

Answer 6

don't kill yourself. life is worth it.