should i give my baby up for adoption?(bad situation)?

Question

ok...i know ppl might judge me but this is my situation and i am in need of some advice before i go insane. i am married but seperated and we have a 3 year old together. i am now 31 weeks pregnant with another mans baby who i am also not with. i have no job..live with my parents who supports both me and my daughter for the time being...this has been a really depressing and stressful pregnancy..i have to watch my parents (god love em) financially support my kid..and i cant let them do that with another one..how can i get my life on track with two kids...the father wants to keep this baby but i dont...and with this baby being a girl i dont know if i can trust a man who has guy friends over all the time...and his parents are disabled and cant hardly help out...the bottom line is that i cant provide for this kid and he really cant take care of her either on his own..but i cant talk him into adoption...can someone plz help me out...it would be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

I am a unmarried young mother. I will tell you one thing I was told when I was deciding what to do-it doesn't give you much of an answer but Lord knows it's true.."You will regret it either way-sometimes you wish you would have made another decision" It sounds depressing and sad, but your a mother you know how gut-wrenching this decision is. Either choice is a very hard one to make and live with. Sometimes I think I would have really given my daughter a better life if I had given her up-two married loving parents. If I would have given her up would it mean that I loved her more. Does "keeping" her mean I'm selfish. I can not tell you-all i know is that God has a plan whatever it may be. We are all human we can not try to be perfect. Nobody can tell you what to do-try to do what you feel is right. Don't let anyone I mean ANYONE influence or tell you what to do. YOU are the one that's going to have to life with it.

Answer 2

i am trying not to judge you.
i am sure that you probably feel a total failure, being that you are still legally married and pregnant with another's baby. however, you also feel bewildered that you are living with your parents who support you and your daughter. you say that you cannot let them support another. you also state that you do not want to keep this baby, whatever the reason may be, you have stated this to be a fact. you ask how to get your life back together with two kids. this is a double statement...you have first said that you do not want to keep this baby and then ask how to get your life back together with the baby...you say that you cannot trust a man who has guy friends over all the time with this baby girl, but, yet you are saying that you do not want to keep it and want to give it up for adoption.
i think that in all reality, you need to sit down and make up your mind if you want to indeed get your life back together with two children, or if you want to get it back together with just one, or not at all. there are agencies out there that can, and will help you do what you feel is right. you need to get a grip on the reality that you will not know the adoptive parents and whether they would fit your preconceived notion of being better fit than the baby's father is. i do not admire you for having to make a decision that will affect not only your life, your 3 year old daughter's life, your ex's life, your parent's lives, his parent's lives and the life of the baby.
please think long and hard. if you want something bad enough, all else will not matter and you CAN focus on that, you CAN attain getting your life back in order...or you can choose to give your rights up...but, in so doing, you have to be comfortable with the fact that it IS your decision and the whereabouts of your child is no longer of your concern...that is what giving a child up is...giving it over to someone who DOES want it, who WILL take care of it, and never regretting that you did the right thing, for the child and all concerned. don't decide on a whim or on your emotional state...really think before you decide...you will make the right choice, and it will be YOUR choice...not someone else's.

Answer 3

My husband and I have been trying to adopt for years, as I have endometriosis and can not have children. We are both now in our 40's. I work full time as a practice manager for a large physicians group, and am also in school full time to become a professor at a university. My husband just had back surgery, but will be in school soon on line, (just like me) at home to do auto cad/architectual design, as he will no longer be able to do the actual building as he had done previously. We made arrangements with other girls to adopt their child after it was born. It was like they used us to get money they needed, while they needed it, then when the baby came, they suddenly changed their minds, decided to keep their babies, we believe so that they could then collect welfare and not have to work, who knows? We had the babies room all ready, diapers, bottles, clothes, the whole nine yards. When at the last minute we were told they decided to keep the baby, I think my husband was more devestated than I was. We then decided to wait until he got through his surgery and then make a decision as to try again, only this time through a State Agency. If you truly are wanting to have your baby adopted out, we would really be interested and you can email me as well. I know how hard of a decision it will be for you, and I also know that the father, in some states does have rights as well. I'm not sure where you live, so I don't know what his rights would be. Just know that their are many like myself and my husband that would give your child the greatest life and love possible. In fact we joke that if we ever did have a child, other people would probably hate it because we would spoil it to death! :) My husband and I are both great with children. I raised my youngest brother, and kids just seem to gravitate towards my husband as he keeps to their level, by playing games, etc. with them. Just something to think about, but you will receive no pressure from me/us, one way or another.

Take great care and we wish you the best with whatever decision you decide to make.

Most sincerely.....

Answer 4

If God brought you to it...He'll see you through it. Don't give up on your child because your worried. Things will get better...Just pray about it. You can give your parents temp custody until you get your life together. I admire you for not terminating your pregnancy which is usually a quick fix for situations like this. You can first start by asking yourself where do you wanna be in the next five years then write out a plan or enroll in a career program. All you need is a little help and thats exactly what your parents are doing. What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger. Good Luck Honey!

Answer 5

You are in a tough spot since you both feel very differently and it will be a tough decision to make. You could always have an open adoption so you could still maintain contact with the baby through letters and pictures. There are many people who would love to have an open adoption. My husband and I are hoping for that kind of relationship with the birth mom so the child realizes that the adoption was an act of love and not one of abandonment. If you decide to go with adoption and you begin to look for adoptive families we would love to follow up more with you. We have a completed home study with a Christian agency. Good luck!

Answer 6

You should get some counseling seriously! Also, you can't turn the baby over for adoption without the father's permission! He has a right to custody of his child if you cannot take care of it. Just because the baby is a girl is not reason for you to assume that the father would allow his friends to molest her, that is rediculous! You should also talk to your parents. They have a right to take care of their grandchild if that is their wish! I think you should talk this over with your family and the father in great detail before you try to do anything like giving up your baby. That is something permanent that you cannot take back later on in life! You would most likely feel horrible for years and regret giving up your baby just because of money issues.

Answer 7

You sound like you want to do what's right for the baby. How will you convince the father to sign over his rights? If you can do that then see an adoption agency. I was adopted and I thank God everyday that someone loved me enough to give me a chance to have a happy life.

Answer 8

You are faced with a difficult decision. If you feel that it would be in the best interest of the baby to be placed with an adoptive family, you should seriously consider taking steps toward that.
There are thousands of wonderful families that will provide your unborn baby with a life filled with happiness and love. They are some (like ourselves) that are interested in an open adoption, where you can still receive updates about the baby, as well as open communication.

Please do give it some thought and think about the welfare of the baby. If you would like to learn more about us as a potential adoptive family, our adoption website is http://ouradoptionplan.com We are a Christian family that is fully approved to adopt domestically. Good luck to you!

Answer 9

Well, I think it's a good sign that he doesn't want to give up his own kid, he's trying to do what's right, and just how do you know he isn't capable of taking care of the baby? In your situation, how do you know that? Perhaps he has a better situation with his parents or sisters etc....why don't you sit down with him and talk over his plan? Perhaps you should consider a parenting class, see what resources the state has to offer?

Answer 10

well it sounds like you are trying to do the responsible thing, and think of whats best for the baby.If the father wont sign over his rights for adoption, then he will have right to fight for custody if you give up your rights.it doesnt sound like hes truly prepared to be a father either, but he does have the right to try. you should contact your local branch of children and family services. they should be able to sign you up on financial assistance and maybe get you going on some medical for the kids and yourself since your still pregnant.they may even be able to help you in getting your own place to live. there are alot of programs that are offered im sure you would qualify for. try talking to them and see what they can offer you before making any big decisions. you still have time. good luck to you. i hope things all work out.