Help editing!?

Question

We have to write a literary analysis on "The Scarlet Ibis". The theme has to be surrounding a universal idea and the setting. I wrote my intro paragraph and was wondering if you could edit/imporve it for me. I am up for constructive criticism...Thanks in advance =].

James Hurst’s “The Scarlet Ibis” is a tragic short story. A handicapped baby Doodle is born with a weak heart and is given a limited life expectancy because of his disability. However, his older brother denies Doodle’s weaknesses and starts to teach him to walk, run, and swim- even during storms. With determination of overcoming an obstacle as well as a struggle, Doodle lives longer than expected and learns to walk on his 6th birthday. The success of Doodle raises the hopes of his chance to live longer but in the end, the hope does not reach far and Doodle dies. Through Doodle’s fight to live, the reader learns that death is inevitable- even if one storm is defeated, another will always be present to destroy.

If you would like to read the short story, the link is here: http://hometown.aol.com/lexmetroid90/scarletibispg1.html

I recommend that you read it..it's very very touching!

Answer 1

Overall pretty good. I suppose the main theme is that death is inevitable.

Suggestions:

a) Is this a baby Doodle, named Doodle? If not, then you need some commas in your first sentence. Instead of "A handicapped baby Doodle" it should be, "A handicapped baby, Doodle, is born...etc.

b) "With determination of overcoming an obstacle as well as a struggle, Doodle lives longer than expected and learns to walk on his 6th birthday."

This reads a little awkwardly.

I recommend.

Determined to overcome his personal obstacles, Doodle transforms his life into a struggle, lives longer than expected and learns to walk on his 6th birthday.

c) The success of Doodle raises the hopes of his chance to live longer but in the end, the hope does not reach far and Doodle dies.

I think it's a mistake to say that the hope didn't reach far. On the contrary, they had an enormous amount of hope. Also, he already lived longer than originally thought. You told us that in the line prior. So, you'll be raising hopes that he'll live *even* longer. How about this revision:

Doodle's success raised hopes that he'd live even longer. In the end, Death took Doodle's and crushed those hopes.

d) I agree with you that the reader learns that death is inevitable. But, it's not that another storm will be present. It's that the SAME one will return. In other words, Doodle beat death once, but then death returned again.

How about:

"Through Doodle’s fight to live, the reader learns that death is inevitable. If even if death's storm is temporarily avoided, it will return again, usually with greater force."

Good luck and good writing!

Regards,

Mysstere

Answer 2

James Hurst’s “The Scarlet Ibis” is a tragic short story. Baby Doodle is born with a weak heart and doctors do not expect him to live to maturity. However, his older brother denies Doodle’s weaknesses and teaches him to walk, run, and swim. The lessons continue despite hardships and storms. Doodle is determined to survive, and he lives longer than expected. He learns to walk on his 6th birthday. Doodle’s success raises his family’s hopes; however, their joy is short-lived. Though Doodle fought hard to live, death was inevitable. Just as one storm is defeated, another passes through and destroys everything in its path.

Answer 3

Looks good except I would make the following changes==
With determination, Doodle lives longer than expected and learns to walk on his sixth birthday.Doodle's success raises the hope that his life expectancy will be increased, but in the end, Doodle dies.

Answer 4

I'd forgotten all about that story, thanks for reminding me! You've provided an excellent summary of the story, and it is well-written.

My only suggestion would be that usually, not always, intro paragraphs explain what you are going to discuss. For instance, "death is inevitable" and the main points you plan to make to support your theme. It wouldn't be wrong to start off the way you have, but you might consider putting the story summary in the second paragraph and making your first paragraph introduce your own ideas instead.

Answer 5

I've never read the story, but got a clear picture of its outline from your paragraph. Well done!