Is it wrong to be a tomboy, i need advice please!?

Question

soz this is long... I am a girl but even though i act and dress like a lad, i dont want to be a man! but i am sick of people staring at me cos of the way i dress. it's even worse when i go to public women's toilets, they probably look at me and think is that a boy or a girl lol. i have never wore make up in my life and i feel comfy in trackies and trainers. i always wear layers and layers of clothing too, cos i feel so ugly, so people might think thats weird i dunno. but why is that so wrong? why do people always judge other people by the way they look? it really annoys me! and i feel so self conuisous and paronoid everytime i go out. what shall i do?

Answer 1

Theres nothing wrong with it.Be confident in yourself and ignore everyone else.

Answer 2

There wouldn't be anything wrong with it if you felt good about yourself. However, you have made it clear that you think you are ugly - its a sort of reverse vanity - you think if you make an effort and look feminine and get rejected thats worse than slobbing like a lad and getting rejected. At least whilst dressed the way you do you have the excuse that no-one fancies you because you dress that way (you probably wont admit to this but deep down you know its true). Never, never be ashamed to be a woman - its a beautiful thing. And you don't have to dress like a Barbie to be acceptable - do your own thing but do it with style! Oh and enjoy your young body best you can as it gets saggy and wrinkly later!!

Answer 3

I don't know how old you are, but it sounds like you're just going through that stage in your life where you're really trying to find your place in the world. If you're happy to be a tomboy - well, to hell with the rest of them, who cares what they think - be confident that you know who you are and are happy in your skin (and trackies and trainers!). You say you 'feel so ugly' - I'm sure you're not - do you think you use the clothes you wear to try to hideaway? Why not try experimenting with different clothes, hairstyles and make up in private, then you'll learn what makes you feel confident and comfortable and beautiful!
I was always a bit of a tomboy and have always got on better with boys than girls (they're so much less complicated!!), but now I'm married, have 2 kids and dress just how I want - one day girly, another boyish, I rarely wear make up and keep my hair short (so much less hassle!) and can't walk in high heels!!, but what's it matter? - it's the person inside that counts.

Answer 4

You sound like you have conflicting needs. Firstly, you want to dress for your own comfort and taste then ,secondly, you don't want to attract undue attention but feel that the attention you do attract is directly a result of the way that you dress. Now, the thing is, it is you who is making the observation or judgement that other people are staring at you because of the clothes you wear. But maybe you are just one of those people that others like to look at and no matter what you wear you are likely to attract attention. Why don't you have fun and experiment with other sorts of clothes, see if others still stare at you. Try face paint [not make up], make them stare, give them something to look at and take control of why people look at you. Then when you go back to your comfy clothes you might be able to relax !

Answer 5

Be comfortable with who you are, how you do that is your own choice and remember when people look at you, they aren't necessarily thinking anything bad at all.
Try and change what you listen to about yourself inside, that little voice dragging you down telling you what you think others are saying about you should be ignored.
Usually this 'voice' or inner thoughts can't be ignored until you feel comfy/ happy about yourself so I believe you need to re-wire your thoughts, don't listen or except negative ones including yours and tell yourself a set of new ones ie - I like myself, other people are JUST looking and NOT judgeing etc etc.
Look into Cognitive therapy for more info and work on your self-esteem. Remember what is more important is that you are happy and confident, forget the rest!
Good luck

Answer 6

You can dress to please yourself, like a boy or a girl, it's no-one's business but your own. But it's not unusual to feel self-conscious about the way you look, so don't worry about that.

However, it might be time to explore other possibilities, especially if the way you are dressing makes you feel ugly, self-conscious, etc. My advice for this would be to go clothes shopping with a friend with a good eye for fashion, only you don't need to buy anything, just try some things for ideas. You never know, you might get a nice surprise.

Answer 7

Nothing wrong with been a tomboy if that's how you feel comfortable, unfortunately you will always get the ignorant people staring and not just at you but at others too, what you probably don't realise is they are the ones who lack confidence, they haven't got the ability to be nice to anyone those sort just slate everyone, just be yourself and ignore the doubters, stop calling yourself ugly and just let your beauty shine through, good luck.

Answer 8

that is how i feel. I am sucha tomboy i act and behave like a boy and i dress like one and i have really short hair...and people always thik im a boy!!! Although i love bein a tomboy and i wont change for anyone, it sometimes annoys when kids go behind me back 'is that a boy or a girl'. etc.even teachers at my school sometimes think im a boy...its starting to annoy me!!!! when i go to the women toilets occasionally i will hear the remark 'oh my god i thought she was a boy'. Also I hang around with boys and people just think im a boy. Like yourself i don't want to be a man i just want to be a tomboy (a girl who likes boyish activities)!!! I with people would get over this..coz im happy with the way i am!

Answer 9

Me too! I wear hoodies and jeans a lot and almost always wear my hair back. I have been mistaken for a boy before and it's really embarrassing.
Nah I don't think it's wrong. What IS wrong is conforming your whole life to what people think. What IS right is conforming your whole life to what God thinks. (I probably won't get picked for best answer if you're not Christian because of that but who cares)
Why are people so judgmental? Cause people are sinful and I know it's hard to hear but you have to learn to ignore it and just remember God doesn't show favoritism. If you accept him and just let him govern your life he'll think you're stunningly gorgeous.

G.B.

Answer 10

for a start if you feel so insecure why don't you do something about it. it's obvious that dressing like this is making you feel insecure wether you feel it is the people staring or not. umm stop putting yourself down about being ugly. for gods sake no one has the right to say another person is ugly! if you like what your wearing stick by it but only if you feel comfortable? if not why not experiment a bit and look at some things online if you don't feel like going into a shop to buy them to start off with. then umm if this begins to work then cool. but remember don't put yourself down be who you want to be. ;) x

Answer 11

You can either dress and act in a manner that your society finds acceptable and be accepted, or dress and act differently and be treated differently. You can't do both. This is America so you get to choose and you get to live with the consequences of your decision.