After hours of chasing after my daughter (she crawls and is learning to walk) I feel sooo reliefed when she finally falls asleep!
And some days, I just feel like taking a "break" from her, and let my husband take care of her for at least 30 minutes...
Does this make me a selfish mom?
I'm a stay home mom, and my husband seems to think that all I do all day is sit there with nothing to do... he forgets that I do laundry, cook, clean, take care of the baby and etc...
Am I asking for much?
Sometimes, despite loving my baby so much, I just feel like being away from her for a while... Does it mean I'm a bad mom?
2007-02-24 08:12:25 · 29 answers · asked by Feed the models! 4 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
Of course not! Everyone needs a break sometimes. Your husband has a job, but he is not at work 24/7, right? He gets breaks from his job, so should you!
Also, just because you feel that you need some time away from your baby doesn't mean you are a bad mom or don't love her enough. It just means you're a little worn out.
It sounds like you are being perfectly reasonable.
2007-02-24 08:19:23 · answer #1 · answered by dana o 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
No it doesn't mean your a bad Mom! Being a stay at home Mom is not an easy job! It's a 24hr, 7 day a week job. Your husband should be willing to give you at least a 30 minute break every day. He should spend just one day taking care of your daughter by himself, I'll bet he would think a lot differently about things. He should either help you with the baby, or with the housework. Don't feel like it's wrong to need time for yourself too. If your husband wont help you, maybe you can get a family member or close friend that you trust to come over & take care of your daughter for an hour a couple of times a week so you can relax & just do nothing for a little while. You deserve it! Your a good Mom! Your just an overworked Mom thats all. Good Luck!!!
2007-02-24 16:44:52 · answer #2 · answered by Sherrie L 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
From what you've said, it sounds like you are a normal stay-at-home mom. I am a SAHM of two children under three (2 1/2 and 13 months), and I know exactly how you feel. Until you have done our job, you cannot possibly understand what goes into it. Men who have never done it (and women too) usually think we sit around on our butts all day watching soaps. And it doesn't help that the popular media (TV, movies, etc) paints our picture that way. Just remember, your job is 24 hours a day. You do NOT get to leave your responsibility behind, even when your husband is watching your daughter. You don't get weekends, vacations, or sick days. Even when you go to the bathroom, you either have an audience or an unsupervised child. Surely this entitles you to "down time" when she is napping or when your husband is around for a few minutes at a time.
Don't let anyone undermine your job -- you are shaping that child, giving her the foundation on which she will build her life, to become whatever she becomes, be it a doctor, a teacher, a nuclear physicist, or a loving stay-at-home mother to her own child.
I'm not trying to undermine what the breadwinner in the family is doing by going to work everyday. In fact, nobody EVER seems to question how hard the person who brings in the money is working.
Unfortunately, I don't have the answer for you. I don't know how to make them see what we do all day or to make them value it more. I'm not sure it can be done. If he sees you sitting down, it's evidence that you're not doing anything, and if he sees you working, then he thinks you sat around all day long until he walked in the door. You can't win by trying to prove anything.
The only thing that can truly make this work is FAITH. He has to have faith in you as a human being, faith that you are doing your job to the best of your ability just as he is doing his to the best of his, even if you aren't witnessing each other doing the work.
Good luck with that. That's as far as I've gotten with my own husband! Let me know if you figure out the secret!
2007-02-24 17:39:18 · answer #3 · answered by calliope_13731 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ABSOLUTLY NOT!!! Every single mother in the whole entire world feels this way at least once a week. If they say they don't they are flat out liars! Being a mom is a full time job. Then add the laundry and other house work on top of it and we should be getting paid over time! As for your husband... mine is the same way. They don't understand how much work it really is taking care of an infant. Talk to him about. If that doesn't work then here's what I do once in a while to remind him. Stop doing the house work for a day, or even a couple days. Then tell him you're not feeling well and ask him to help out. Once he complains about it, then talk to him about it.
You shouldn't feel guilty about wanting some time for yourself. In fact, you DESERVE time to your self once in a while. Getting a break will destress you and actually make you a better mom. Who wants a ball of cranky worn out stress for a mom?
You should read a book called "Momfidence" by Paula Spencer. It will change your perspective entirely and help you be the best mom you can be. It's an easy read and *bonus* reading will help you get some much needed and deserved time for your self.
2007-02-24 17:15:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
God no.. it's perfectly normal to need a break. It's always a relief when the child takes a nap.
Every person needs a few minutes to themselves now and then. I know with a child that age you can't even use the bathroom alone or get a bite to eat without being interrupted.
If you are a SAHM you take care of the baby while your husband is at work.. when he gets home the childcare duties are 50/50 just as if you worked outside of the home.
Your husband is unfortunately like many others, in the fact that he does not value your worth at home. Don't let him devalue your work.. being a stay at home mom is a wonderful thing to do for your child.
2007-02-24 16:20:11 · answer #5 · answered by iampatsajak 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ha, no!!! I go through that daily. Men don't realize what women (stay at home moms) actually do.. Budgetng, laundry, dishes, cleaning, diaper changing, bottle making, maing hubby's lunch and dinner, waking up too early in the morning to see straight, bathing the babies, comforting them, changing clothes, feeding them... the list doesn't end and yet, still, all I hear is " I work hard everyday to keep the lights in this house on, and food in our tummies", blah blah blah! He doesn't realize that when we are sick, we can't call in and take the day off...our day must go on like any other. Men just don't see things the way we do. They aren't bad for it, but I think the should really take a closer look and walk a day (or better yet ) a week in our shoes, then speak! We all need and deserve a break. Its hard to be a wife and a mother... sometimes you feel like you've lost your individuality but in all reality, its there, you just have to find it! Good Luck, YOU ARE NOT A BAD MOM, all of us feel that way from time to time,some more than others.
2007-02-24 16:42:48 · answer #6 · answered by Jenn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that the selfish one is your hubby, let him have the baby for a whole day, while you go out to pamper yourself or even just to go and hang out with friends, that will change his point of view. My DH knows that being an stay home mom isn't easy, taking care of a child can be very overwhelming and frustrating at times, specially if you don't have a lot of help from your partner or somebody else. Remember to nap when your baby is napping, I know sometimes that's hard to do specially when you have other trillion of things to do, but if you are not in good physical and mental health; you won't be able to take care of the baby either. Good luck and God bless.
2007-02-24 18:28:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No way! Part of being a good mom is knowing when to take a break. How can you expect to be there for someone else when you are worn down and stressed out? Taking a little R&R for yourself will help you feel renewed and give you the energy that it takes to keep up with a toddler and the chores that come with being a stay at home mom.
2007-02-24 16:21:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
your not bieng selfish at all.every mom deserves a break sometime. especially a stay at home mom. my fiance thinks the same thing i stay at home and sit on the couch and watch tv.it drives me crazy too. but the hardest job of all is to take care of the kids. and i am wore out at the end of the day too . so i know what u mean. if u can get that break then take it. dont let things build up because the n u will get stressed out and it may cause conflict between u and ur husband it happens to me all the time. good luck!
2007-02-24 19:44:42 · answer #9 · answered by danielle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, not at all. You need a little down time to yourself.
I have two kids and sometimes I feel selfish taking a shower that lasts long enough to shave my legs, but moms need their own time too. Mom and wife is a 24 hour job, and it's not selfish to want a few minutes for yourself. It will help you keep a healthy perspective and make you a better mom, if anything.
2007-02-24 17:43:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋