So much of our relationship has been me feeling obligation or guilt towards her. In the last year I have been living my life and just letting her be upset. Realizing that is seperate from me. Now that I am pregnant with number two. I mentioned a home birth and as usual she got shocked that I would even consider something like that. She has no education on the matter and immediately filled my mind with negative things of everything that could go wrong. So I have not told her that I have decided for sure to go that route. I told my seven year old that the home birth is a secret and we are only telling people that will be supporitive of us and not to tell grandma cause she makes me worry. My mom talks about coming up and taking my daughter to the hopsital and I tell her I may not need her up here, that I can do this without her (in the past I have explained that thinking I am going to hell and messign up my kids makes me not want her around me or my kids). Should I feel guilty yet again?
2007-02-24 07:52:02 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
she will know after.. but not before.. when she can fill my mind with fear
2007-02-24 08:18:15 · update #1
Don't let anyone feel guilty. This is YOUR body, YOUR birth and YOUR child. It is YOUR choice.
My first was an unmedicated hospital birth. My mom told me all along through my pregnancy that I would change my mind and want drugs and that breastfeeding would be too hard. I had an amazing, empowering unmedicated birth and nursed him until he was 3.5 years old.
For our second, I was planning a birth center waterbirth with a midwife. We took my mom and step dad to tour the birth center. My mom freaked out. She was so worried and unsupportive about the choice to birth somewhere other than a hospital.
We decided to have a home waterbirth with a midwife for #3. We decided to not tell anyone until afterwards because I wanted to enjoy my last pregnancy and not have the stress of her nagging and worrying and trying to change our minds.
She was upset afterwards. But it was AFTERWARDS and I didn't have to deal with it for 9 months! And of course the baby was already here and we were all safe, so what could she REALLY say at that point?
BTDT.....keep it to yourself if that's what will make you the most comfortable. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk about it.
2007-02-24 08:07:16 · answer #1 · answered by momma2mingbu 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Well, that is good but I would tell her outright that you love her and plan to have a home birth. You don't want any horror stories and if she is not going to be supportive then it would be better she did not go or be in the room until after the baby is born. Unfortunately when you are pregnant you seem like an advice magnet and unwarranted advice will be given. Also let her know home births are very safe and if there is any sign of problems you go to the doctor immediately. This is your pregnancy and let her know you would never do anything to hurt your baby and the doctors wouldn't let you do anything that was dangerous.
17 weeks pregnant with first and a mom who is very opinionated in her knowledge of childbirth.
2007-02-24 16:27:16 · answer #2 · answered by Kelly s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie, it's YOUR life. I have an overzealous controling mother just as you've got. I am now pregant with baby #2 and she is not being supportive at all. The only thing I get out of her is "well I guess I'll have to raise this one too", some mom's have crazy things in their heads. If it makes you happy having a home birth and she makes you uncomfortable you don't have to tell her. A birth of a child is a glorious thing, who wants it to be ruined by someone like that? Good luck. I hope everything goes okay and you get your home birth.
2007-02-24 15:58:48 · answer #3 · answered by Brittany M 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Dont feel guilty, but do tell her your plans and that nothing she says will change your mind and you need her to be supportive..Try to educate her but also realize as much as you are looking forward to it she is fearful of it.. Most people are.. We have been convinced as a society by the medical profession that women need medical intervention to have a baby...
Homebirth is a wonderful thing... My mother was dead set against my homebirths.. but I did just what I advised you and she was there at the homebirths and was helpful.. she still thinks I am a bit crazy for doing it but she now has seen it first hand and has changed her opinion on it... We had out last two unassisted and she helped deliver one of them.. Its a moment she will never forget.. That would not have been possible in a hospital setting..
Congrats and good luck...
2007-02-24 16:20:55 · answer #4 · answered by TheyCallMeMom 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Where to birth your child is a private family decision. The best you can do is provide your Mom with information. If she is anything like my Mom, she is not much of a reader and won't read it, but you will have done your part. Regardless, it is YOUR decision, and she needs to deal with that. If she's been guilt tripping you in the past, she obviously knows it works. It is not disrespectful of you to suggest that you guys agree to disagree.
Are you having a midwife? If so, ask for a sheet of her statistics, and then get one from your local hospital about rates of fetal deaths, c-sections, etc. (Your midwife's will look a lot better!!!) Home birth is a lot safer than hospital birth, especially since midwives are BOUND BY LAW to transport you to the hospital if you or the baby have even the slightest chance of need. Also - who the heck could care more than a midwife? My experience is that she knows me and my body better than my doctor, is always ON TIME, and is available by phone 24/7 for ANY reason. Doctors main concern is to get to their golf game on time.
If that means putting you or your baby at risk by doing an unneccessary C-section (aka - MAJOR SURGERY) because it is Friday, and you are still in labor, and his family is going on vacation, HE WILL! YOU NEED TO THINK OF YOUR OWN FAMILY, BABY, and HEALTH.
C-section rates in hospitals are up to 50% in some states, and the lifetime impact of all that scar tissue on future pregnancys is something they don't like to talk about. C-section rates amongst midwives are 3-5%. Yes, c-sections save lives. But still, this is less about you than it is about your family's sanctity and decisions. Think about what YOU want for your future.
The unnecessary medical interventions that hospitals do cause more interventions to be needed.... its a catch 22. I think you are making a very good decision by having a home birth. If she's got a problem with it -- well -- there are worse things that can happen. It's going to be impossible to keep it a secret. Just tell her that if you need to go to the hospital, you will happily go if that is what you and your baby need, and you will go at the first sign of trouble, but if everything looks fine then you will stay at home. Period.
-Angie
2007-02-24 16:27:38 · answer #5 · answered by Angie 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
No. You have the right to live your life by your own set of standards and beliefs. You are your own person, not your mother.
If your mother does not like or approve of the things you do, she is just going to have to sit back and take it like a woman. If she can't do that, then just tell her tough.
My parents did the same to me. Wanted me to do certian things their way. I went my own way. Things were rocky for a while, but they eventually worked out. Now they respect me and the choices I make. They may not always agree, but nonetheless they do respect it.
2007-02-24 15:56:31 · answer #6 · answered by royalpainshane 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't see how you're going to keep that secret. She's going to plan to see you in the hospital, etc.
The next time the subject of the birth comes up, just tell her. If you expect to be treated like an adult, you have to start acting like one. The birth of your child is a ridiculous thing to be "sneaking around" like a little girl about. If she starts going off on her opinion, say, "Thank you, but I was telling you what I've decided, not asking for advice." And move on.
2007-02-24 16:05:17 · answer #7 · answered by EQ 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
you don't need to feel guilty because you are a women not a kid and
and she need to understand, the u need to make your own mistake and learn from them.Don,t worry went she see u with the new baby
in your hands she will be happy and and going to forget everything.Be happy and enjoy your pregnancy remember your baby
feels everything.Good Lock.
2007-02-24 16:13:42 · answer #8 · answered by mighty 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel that you are entitled to do what ever you want when it comes to having your baby. If this is what makes you comfortable then go for it.
My mother is similar to your mom, she wants to know my every move. Mothers need to let go and let they children be adults. Good Luck to you and your baby will be fine....
2007-02-24 15:59:40 · answer #9 · answered by Vicky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
unless you are having a home birth in her home, i dont see how its any of her business,,, your body AND YOU baby, you know where you feel most comfortable and you know whats best for you, and your comfort level during labour and delivery is crucial so good luck with everything
2007-02-24 16:02:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋