My wife left me 7 months ago as I was not spending enough time at home with my family due to long hours with my job. I provided a good income and everything my family wanted - apart from time which I now deeply regret. She is divorcing me and seems only bothered about money and keeping the children from me. I have not seen my children since 2 August 2006 although I have written, texted and sent presents and cards etc. It is cutting me up not having any contact at all and I am considering emigrating. She had a good job before the children and could work if she wanted but doesn't want to. Do need to keep paying CSA if I work abroad? I realise I can go to court for access but have heard that some of these agreements are not adhered to by the mother and are a waste of time and money. It all seems weighted in favour of the mother. Any other suggestions? many thanks - from a devastated father and husband.
2007-02-24 06:50:25 · 22 answers · asked by cactuscarman 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well,Im going through this right now.My wife just left and took the kids.She assumed that she could,and told me I could see them every other weekend.
I had no idea what the actual law was at that time,but I said that perhaps we should ask the kids themselves what they wanted.
We did this and now they live with me,and she sees them every other weekend.We are all happier,except her.
There is a law of 7ths.This is what determines your payments.Basically,if she has them full time,you pay full whack at 7/7th of your disposable income,after tax,NI,mortgage etc.
If you manage to get an agreement to have them for any period of time,you do not pay as much according to when you support them directly whilst they are with you.
The law no longer assumes that it is the mothers right to keep the children,unless it is feared they are in danger otherwise.You both have equal rights according to how the kids feel.Thats the key issue,and any legal rep should confirm that for you.Get the best you can,for when the final divvy up comes,thats when you lose out in financial terms,and the solicitor may as well have it rather than the woman you are telling us about.
You have my sympathy,but do not despair,your kids,unless you are not at all nice,will want to see you.(and Im sure you are a nice guy)
You might feel that she has won people over,and I'm willing to bet she has uttered the magic phrase "domestic violence"-in which case you are immediately assumed guilty by everyone,whether or not its true.
Somehow,you need to get a chance to see and speak to the kids by themselves,but dont push your views,they will make up their own minds,given the opportunity.(My son voted with his feet and escaped twice from her new house,to get back to me)
Try not to gloat either when this happens,as I feel sure it will,given time.Decide whats best for the kids,then you,and stick with it.Dont try to bribe them,just be the Dad that they already know and love.
If you manage to arrange more time with you than her,then she becomes liable for payments to you,believe it or not,providing she has means.Your only obligation with regards to payments,is to house your kids one way or another(which you would want to do anyway)and to feed and clothe them.You do not have to keep this woman in any way,other than she will be entitled to between 30 and 50% of your disposable income and assets.
Please dont run away.You wont like yourself for that,and imagine how bad that could be in some other land.
Looking at it phlegmatically,while you were married,you were paying that woman to take care of the kids in your own home anyway.The bonus now is that you don't have to see her anymore,and listen to her gripes etc.
Your kids will be thinking about you,don't worry-time will tell.
If you love something,let it go.If it loves you,it will come right back.
The very best of luck.
2007-02-24 08:08:03 · answer #1 · answered by longbow 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hi courts are gettin better At giving Father's access only reason i never went that route was thought of puttin my daughter through it all. Suggest come to an agreement with her if possible but as for access if she not giving it go to court if she still doesn't can be prosecuted. Wish you all the best CSA not the answer at all, she needs to put children first if you love your kids that much will tear you apart further goin abroad as would be running from the problem.. Good luck
2007-02-25 10:03:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear about this but, if I was you, I would keep paying BUT, I would go to the nearest court and ask a judge to help him/her find a way to let you see your kids. That you do not mind paying what you have to pay for child support but you would like to see your kids at a time where you know that you can see them (is Sundays the only free time you got from a particular time? Then, make it that you can see them every Sunday.) I would find a lawyer and a judge in the county/district/area of where I am living at. I would make her understand that, yes, your job kept you away from home and it is unfortunate that she could not take it anymore and decidd to divorce you but why do this to the kids? When the judge sees that you are paying and that you filled an order to see your kids at least once a week and she may not be willing to, the judge is going to come down on her and MAKE her let you see your kids.
I really hope everything works out for you.
2007-02-24 15:06:20 · answer #3 · answered by uchaboo 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Firstly if you love your children so much WHY would you want to stop paying money to support your children. To answer your question yes it doesn't matter where you emigrate to you still have to pay for your offspring. I totally disagree with what your wife has done I have been married to my husband for 18 years and he works 12 hour days six days a week but I wouldn't leave him because of that after all he is only trying to provide a decent life for our three children and ourselves. I really think that you should go and see a solicitor/lawyer about getting access to see your children after all she can be taken to court if she breaches a court order. Please for your children's sake go and seek the legal advice needed here so your children will always know that you will fight hammer and tongs for them no matter what.
2007-02-24 15:10:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am a step father and a husband,Try and look at your supposed problem from a different way.Their are 2 sides to every storey,and i doubt you are painting the whole picture.
You state that when married that you supported the family financially in all their needs.You now seem to be saying that your soon to be ex wife is financially stable is this because of state income?
I speak from experience.The mother has sole parental responsibility for the children,you do not.
When and if the mother meets someone else why should the then partner be expected to pick up the tab for your children's upbringing.My wife's ex partner has her son 3 nights per week,in my opinion this commitment to his son cancels out paying my wife any childcare.Not that i,d accept it anyway
Also you state that you really want to see your children and that you love them,but yet because of financial reasons,IE your commitment to your child,you are contemplating deserting them for a different country so that no one catches up on you....your chances of seeing your child are then dramatically decreased.
My advice is ,,,,,pay maintenance,,,stay in this country,,,,and fight through legal means to see your children.....but above all,,,Pay for childrens shoes etc.good luck
2007-02-24 16:19:21 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wish i could give you a solution to your problem my only advice is provide for your children and try for access. If that fails find away to always know where they are, she cant stop them all their life from having contact and they will understand when their old enough. Write the old witch a letter telling her its the children who will suffer in the long run and that they are not weapons to use for her own selfish needs. Women like her put us to shame wish you all the luck and hope it all works out for you.
2007-02-25 15:04:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should always pay child support. Being a mom is a difficult job by itself. You say you love your kids so if she is a good mother, be supportive of that. Paying for your children is very important, and believe it or not, will let your kids know that you love them. Keep writing and emailing, those are wonderful. It means a lot to children to know that their father loves them. When they are adults, they will remember your efforts to be there for them.
2007-02-24 15:13:06 · answer #7 · answered by StormyC 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you go overseas they can't make you pay it. If I were you I'd fight her for access to see the kids. Why should you be forced to pay and she deny you access, they are your kids too. You've not said how old the kids are. As they get older it will be easier because they'll have a mind of their own. If you do decided to go abroad still send money for them, you're not doing it for your wife but for the kids. Good Luck!
2007-02-24 15:02:19 · answer #8 · answered by whitney 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
By law you have to pay. Please don't use this as a route to see your children. Refusal to pay is a criminal offence. You need professional help to access your kids. It can be hard fighting an ex but she has treated you badly. Every parent has a right to see their children. A court order is exactly that. If she refuses to obey one , when you get it served on her, she broke the law and can be jailed. Wish you well my Friend have been through similar.
2007-02-24 15:05:44 · answer #9 · answered by naplusultra 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
if you love them you would not even need to ask
i know what you are going through though as my partner is going through the same thing its so sad that some women are allowed to do this and you are right as my partner took his ex to court but she did not stick to the agreement and when he took it back all the court said was go away and sort it out like adults because there is nothing more the court could do
2007-02-24 16:30:34 · answer #10 · answered by top cat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋