Will You review my poem for me?

Question

I wanted to do something wild so I wrote this about my teacher. But Im nervous about having to read it out loud in class.
Here it is

The A.T.M took my card and asked to be fed a stray cat
I looked at it weird and just had to say
Wouldn’t you prefer a nice wet juicy rat than a cat?
But it wanted a cat and gave me no money that day

I heard on T.V that being without pants was the hip thing to do
It didn’t have to make sense, styles and conformity
But the people around me wore pants and I only had on shoes
And than I realized the T.V had lied to me

I visited my sister in Greece, in the great Aegean Sea
She is an anorexic mermaid who surfaces to puke on boys
She hugged me as I told her conformity made no sense to me
And when I cried, she soothed me with an underwater noise

Why do we have to write poetry like the people in the past?
With each class I feel less a poet and more a dope
And most of the pretty scenery poetry you hear today in class
Sounds like the exaggerated poetry you hear on commercials about soap

And to my narrow minded poetry teacher who learned poetry only from books
And if the above line should offend him than to him I will say
I’ll tell him poetry is everywhere and in everything, if you just put the books down and look!
And I’d much rather be honest with you than live with a degrading grade A

Answer 1

ummm... I'm sorry to say this, but I can't find a way to read this that makes it flow or convey emotion. To be honest, I don't like it because it doesn't flow or let me into the spirit of the piece.

I suggest scrapping this and attempting something else. Don't try and force poetry, otherwise it is just empty words.

You can still be a great poet, just try some revising and developing flow. Write what you feel. By deffinition poetry is just that:
a literary expression in which words are used in a concentrated blend of sound and imagery to create an emotional response

Answer 2

Save yourself the embarrassment and DON'T read this out loud to your class or anyone else! I know you want to be told you're great at writing and you apparently need that old ego-stroking, but this isn't even poetry. Thus, in reference to your last line, I would rather be honest and have you go ballistic (which I am sure you will like all the kids who are told they cannot write or sing, or act, or whatever), than live with the fact (chuckle) that I have told you you're work is good when it really is not! And to GingerNemises, again, I know who you are (and so does Yahoo) and you have been reported again for continued harrassment.

Answer 3

Aside from ripping a scene from "American Psycho" in your first line, there wasn't much else to hold my attention.

There were some parts that were decent (the T.V. had lied to me being one), but on the whole, not that memorable.

If you care so much about your teacher's ability to determine and teach poetry, take it up with them in private instead of calling them out in a classroom and potentially embarrassing yourself instead of your intended target. Just because you think your teacher's opinion on poetry, including the source of his knowledge, does not merit making an *** out of yourself.

Of course, if you want to embarrass yourself in the attempt to get your teacher too, by all means, go for it. But I am almost certain that you will be the one remembered for making a laughing stock out of yourself.

Answer 4

The "person" two places above me is a shallow and hollow failure of a human-being who spends all his time on here looking for questions like yours so that he can pour scorn on you. He never attempts to be creative or positive himself. A person like this has no future as they will continue to disappear up their own behind until they are nothing more than memory of misplaced vanity.

You, on the other hand, still have the potential to become a decent adult.

Writing is something that we all have a right to do. Don't let "people" like Gingerpeachy deter you from expressing yourself pleasantly. Something that Gingerpeachy just hasn't got the grace to do!