Hey there everyone I have yet another question to ask everyone.. I have 2 beautiful children a boy who just turned 4 and and a little girl to whom will be 3 in april.. I had both of them with a man to whom I really loved at one point.. but he has never really been a father to either of these kids.. he has never been there for them or myself. Here recently he contacted me and told me he needed to talk to me so I met up with him, and he informed me that he would like to try to make things right between us because he has finally grown up and realizes that it is time to be a man and a father to his children and that is what he wants to do.. so I said well I am really unsure of going down that road again not because some of my lvoe for him is gone but because I don't want to get hurt nor do I want my kids to get hurt. I have done some outings with him recently and he has given me money if I needed and he has kept his word on all things.. What should I do.. give him a chance or not?
2007-02-24 05:59:12 · 11 answers · asked by cheryl m 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Are you married? give it another shot. If you are not ,do not shack up with him make him prove he has changed wait a year to see if he is consistent.
2007-02-24 06:04:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow I've been there! Without really knowing why you broke up this is sort of hard to answer. Yes, it is important for him to be in his kid's lives, but that doesn't mean you have to be together. If he hasn't changed to be the kind of man he needs to be then, I'm sorry, but it won't work this time either. I'm not talkin' changed just for the moment, i'm talkin' wait awhile and make him prove it. If he's serious he's gonna wait as long as you make him. You know your worth the wait and he knows it to.
The main thing to think about in this situation is the kids. If you try to work things out and it falls through, believe it or not, it will be even harder on the kids than it is you. There is nothing worse than looking your child in the eyes and try to explain that even though daddy was back for awhile he's gone now and it's not because of them. They aren't going to understand, they are going to miss him, and they are going to be hurt.
I hope this has helped at least some. Good luck!
2007-02-24 15:39:01 · answer #2 · answered by Joy M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly I this is something im going through however im the child in the situation my dad has done nothing for me in 21 years and all i really asked him for was emotional support, he normally comes around when its convenient for him and thats not really ok with me anymore. He makes all these promises that hes going to change and he honestly just does the same thing over and over again which is hurt me. I know you might be thinking like shes 21 how can she be so hurt by his actions still. but its just the fact that hes never been there and he keeps playing these mind games. My moral advice to you is you cant keep your children away from him however.. it hurts that much more if hes not really serious about growing up. Besides how can you just decide when your ready to grow up and take responsibility he should have done that from the jump.. If I were you i would worry about my kids first before jumping into a relationship with him because whose to say hes really serious this time.. just as easy as it was for him to get off track last time it could be just as easy this time.. I hope this somewhat helped you
g'luck
2007-02-24 14:25:22 · answer #3 · answered by uptodateballer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he want to "make things right" as a father to the children, or as a man to you?
You should definitely give him an opportunity to be a father to his children, not just by giving money but by being there for them, and giving them a chance to get to know him. I think that should be the first step; by then you'll know whether or not you're interested in giving him another chance as a man to you. (if that's what he's looking for.)
2007-02-24 14:24:24 · answer #4 · answered by pookieb 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a chance to be a father to his children, if that is what he really wants than he will be a man and provide for them. I think it's a good sign that he contacted you, but I would make it clear to him that you first responsibility is to your children and that you won't hesitate to do what is necessary to keep them emotionally healthy. Good luck
2007-02-24 14:26:27 · answer #5 · answered by Kristal E 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him ONE more chance, make it perfectly clear that this is the last one. Don't get too emotionally involved though so u arent let down if he blows it. Good luck!
2007-02-24 14:08:36 · answer #6 · answered by Lily 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would give him a chance, he seems like he has grown up and he now seems responsible, let him see your kids on weekends, not all the time so they don't get attached in case he does up and leave. give him a chance just not a big one
2007-02-24 14:08:54 · answer #7 · answered by Lets go 2 Candy Mt. Charlie!!!! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ooh, this is hard. Sometimes it is far better that they disappear, rather than this half-hearted hanging around.
You hve to give him a chance. You cannot deny your children their father, if he wants to be a good father.
Ooh - good luck!
2007-02-24 14:07:47 · answer #8 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would start strictly with the children.. let that go for a while to show he can be trusted and see what happens from there that way your kids do not have to go through another seperation...
2007-02-24 14:06:04 · answer #9 · answered by sweetiepiefg 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would be very careful ,but if you ever had any genuine affection for him it might come back to the two of you. also you neglected to say if you are presently emotionally involved with someone else or not. if you are it could be a explosive situation.
2007-02-24 14:32:45 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋