Is divorce the only way when one party doesn't really love and care much about the other?

Question

It's not like breaking up in a date, there are so many other issues that 2 people are forced to be together for many years.

I agree with you greyrider. But some people are just too foolish and ignore all the things the other party have been doing to make it work, too many people are having a my way or highway mentality.

Answer 1

No it isn't. You can work to rebuild the foundation of love and caring. Like filling cracks in the wall. Every relationship needs maintenance - if it doesn't receive the proper care and maintenance it will start to crumble. I would rather see someone rekindle their love and rediscover one another than just decide to throw it all away and start over with someone else. When this happens they often find themselves in the same boat (relationship wise) after a few years when the 'newness' wears off but are much worse off financially (and often emotionally). It is hard to get past all of the history you have with someone after so long. And you will always wonder 'what if' . . .
Very few divorces/separations end up amicable. Would you really be able to bear not ever pouring your heart out to your wife again? Not seeing her do those silly (and sometimes annoying) things that you've gotten used to? Think back to what attracted you to her in the first place. You've both changed and grown, but perhaps not adapted? Do you still appreciate the things she does for you? And vice versa? If not, try a few simple exercises with a family oriented counselor to try to renew your relationship. Start doing things that you know she will enjoy - but let her know why you are doing them. Don't make it a test (as in I'm going to do this, buy that, etc. and see if she notices. And if she doesn't I'm outta here . . . that's unfair to both of you). If you are struggling with your feelings, or lack thereof, let her know (gently) that you are going through a tough time and you need to know that the two of you can make it through this. Together. Even if she is upset or distressed at first, she will get through it. Let her know what you need from her and why (but not in an 'or else' way). If you need help figuring out what you need from her (and possibly yourself) see a counselor on your own for a few sessions, too.
Good luck to you . . . please don't be too quick to throw those many years in the trash.

My ex thought I was a my way or the highway personality - everyone who knows me says I'm just the opposite. My ex would suggest something and if I didn't agree right away he thought I was disagreeing. He never gave me a chance to process (which I've learned I often need time to do before giving an answer or opinion). He also thought we both took each other for granted and didn't appreciate each other. He's been gone for 3 yrs. and has not been able to be in a stable relationship. We were married for 12 1/2 yrs. I loved him with all of my heart but he never saw it. I compromised every day - I changed for him. I was a good mom, a good cook and wife, and had become more mellow to accomodate the fact that he was an introvert. Then he woke up one day and thought he was missing out on life and fun and that being a husband and father was 'weighing him down'.
Pick up a book called "The five love languages" by Gary Chapman. Read it all the way through - each case study. Then have your wife read it, too.
Don't listen to all of the people who just tell you to give up, follow your heart and go find someone you will be happy with - only you have control over your happiness. Ask yourself why you are unhappy. Make a list. Then make another list of what would make you happy (with your wife). Learn to be happy with yourself, take a break if you need to, and work on your marriage. You will thank yourself later.

Answer 2

Marriage is based on shaing, caring, loving, and commitment. All the emotional, physical, and mental attachments are required for a marriage to survive a lifetime. If a husband and wife don't have those connections then it is foolish to stay together. Marriage was meant to be a joyous lifetime union between two people, not a life of living hell!!!

Answer 3

Lets put it this way, if someone was standing over u with a gun and said, u will make this marriage work,.. u'd probably find some way to make it work, so why not make it work, because of the fact that u took a vow? God is the one watching, u made ur vow to him whether u were in a church or not.. u still made it infront of him.. and u promised through thick and thin that u'd always stay together..

There are going to be ups and downs in all marriages, times that u wake up and feel like u cant stand each other.. do u really think those that have been married for 50 + years were always on cloud 9 through their whole marriage? no, of course not, they had to struggle through and find ways to get through the ruff times, u feel in love with someone enough to marry them, u have to find that love again, i actually met a man once, that said he woke up one day and wanted out of his marriage he felt that he just didnt love his wife anymore, but they had children together and he didnt want to hurt his children, he said he started "faking" it.. loving his wife, going through the motions as if he was in a "Play" trying to relive how he once was with her in the beginning.. the excitement of seeing her when he came home from work, trying to be romantic.. etc.. and he said that once he did that, things actually got happier in the house, because she became happier, again and his faking actually ended up turning back into the real thing.. He said it was more then just going through the motions, he really had to try and fake what he remembered feeling.. but he did it, and then it became real.. he told me that was after 10 years of marriage and 3 kids, and they had been married for 52 years before she passed away.. and he is thankful that he didnt just give up every time life got hard, because then he would of missed out on something so special, and all the good times, and memories he had..

Your sharing ur life with someone, and even when ur alone there are times that u hate ur life, u hate where u are, but unless u put a gun to ur head, u have to muttle through and work on it getting better.. why ? because u have no choice.. but for married couples they view their lives differently their not happy, so they think well cool i'll just pitch the spouse and find happiness some where else, but ur problems arent really gone, there still there, and untill u realize how to cope and work through them, ur going to hit the same brick wall down the road.. just with someone else.. and untill u say "im not going to runaway" and deal with it.. its always going to happen, life is full of obsticles, highs, and lows.. but only u can decide, when ur ready to just attack things head on and not runaway...

Answer 4

Don't stay in a marriage if you're not happy. Sometimes you can try so hard to please someone else that you lose a sense of yourself. I did that for eight years. All I took away from it was some beautiful kids. Life is short.

Answer 5

People, at least mature adults, are not forced to be together it is their mutual choice. Anything less then mutual unconditional love and devotion for one another makes divorce innevitible, and in most cases it is the perfect solution for a bad relationship.

Answer 6

Yes.

Answer 7

.... yep.....