Wife and parents?

Question

When my Wife and I got married, both our parents had arguments and ended up not liking each other. Natural to us, we both took each of our parents side. Result of all these things, I don't like her parents and she doesn't like mine. I have been however trying very hard to be nice to her parents and hoping one day everything will work out. But since we got married my wife has been pushing back on my parents more and more. My parents are old and they need me, they like her too. For her tho, they can never say/do anything right. Over time she yelled at them asking them not to talk to her, then never wanting to see their faces and then that they cannot visit me etc. All this while her parents were doing normal in law stuff , bcos I was not going to be like her. A week after "no visit rule" her Dad was calling and I refused to speak to him, my response to her pushing back on my parents. I love them all and It doest seem right to go tit for tat, but what else can I do?

Answer 1

Number one golden rule for both of you: Honor thy father and mother. It doesn't say they can never be wrong or that they are perfect. Not speaking to your parents is just dead wrong. You and your wife need to be more like adults. Your parents may be acting like children, but that doesn't mean that you must follow their lead. You need to sit down and talk to your wife about how this will eventually affect your marriage. What happens when there is a death or birth in the family? Does that mean your parents or hers are not welcome around your children? Think about it as an adult and suggest that your wife does too. If she is not willing to look at this with an adult outlook then maybe you picked an immature child instead of a woman to marry.

Answer 2

It's sad that your parents have issues between each other. But it's just that, between them. I totally understand how you and your wife could take sides (with each of your parents) with the whole thing, but it's really not the best idea to keep it an ongoing issue.

There's really not a whole lot that you can do to ease the tension between your parents. That all needs to be sorted out between them.

While, I do strongly feel that you should both be there to support your parents, there is really no good coming from "taking sides". It's not fair to anyone involved. So your parents don't like each other right now (that can change, you never know).. They don't have to be "buddies" but there shouldn't be a reason why everyone can't be civil to one another. The same goes for each of you, when referring to the other's parents.

I think that the whole "no visit rule" is outrageous.. If worse comes to worse and your wife just can't stand being around your parents, then she can always take some time to go out for a while whenever they come over. It is not fair to you, for her to try to tell you that your parents can't visit you at your house. That's mean, and just childish.

I really hope everything works out for you all, so that you can get together with your parents without any issues.

I'm very close to my family, and while I'm not "as close" to my husband's family, I always make sure to let them know they are welcome here. That's the way it should be.

Best of luck!