Opinions, please!.......?

Question

Here's the situation. My hubby & I talked about our child & I moving in with my parents several hours away. I thought it might be ok the first night we talked about it weeks ago but since then I am completely against it & he knows it. He is set on it & has already given notice to our apartment that we will be leaving next month. His reasons for us leaving is that he never sees us anyway b/c he's always working & the other reason is to save us money. He will be moving in with one of his coworkers & be paying cheaper rent. I told him we could find cheaper places & I even found some. He says that a cheaper place won't help & that we already discussed this & now I am being difficult. He says later on when he stops working so much we can move back but it seems like that will be awhile. It looks like I will be leaving against my will, but don't know if I would/should come back if asked to. He says it is not a breakup though! Opinions, please! I don't know what to make of all this!

I feel like I don't really have a choice now but to move. He already has a place to stay and wants us to leave. I have brought it up plenty of times for discussion and he gets upset and kind of aggravated and doesn't really want to discuss it anymore. I don't want to have to beg a man to stay with me and I won't. I already told him that I would rather stay and see him whenever we get a chance but he says he will come visit us. I am at the point now where I feel like my child and I are being tossed out....so why would I want us to stay with someone that could and would do that to us? He works nights and weekends and I work 40 hours a week myself. When his concern is supposedly to save us money, then why, when I find a cheaper place does he say that finding a cheaper place won't do any good?

Answer 1

I completely understand situations with a less than understanding husband. You yourself can't change his mind because he's set his heart on it and has convinced himself. It may seem discouraging and my best advice to bring it to God in prayer. I had a lot of issues with my husband and some of his habits and things that he didn't see as needing to be changed. It's natural for us women to be 'fixers' and it's hard to 'let go' of the situation and leave it up to the only one who can change him. Trusting that God has a plan and will use it for good will give you assurance as you pray about this.

Answer 2

This sounds like your husband has being communicating with a another person in the event that you do move and that he will have a secure place to lay his head. And do you know the person whom he'll be residing with. I want to say that he can't wait on you to leave. Do you think that your husband is being unfaithful.
Another thing if both of your names are on the leased the person who's leaving must give a sign notice to the landlord stating that they are going to move sign and dated, It sounds like he gave a notice to the land lord with out you being there. If you want too
if it's not to late, you can tell your land lord that plans has been changed and you would like to extend your lease for another six to eight months, your land lord may place you on a month to month short term leased by paying a little extra each month. And at the same time your husband will see that you are not going to move and maybe he'll decided to stay there with you until the both of you can move someplace together. Sometimes when you separate for a little time can be a good thing, but on the other hand when two people separate it can mean trouble. So if it's not to late both of you talk again and see what the both of you can come up with for the sake of the child.

Thank you
Randi

Answer 3

Marriage is a partnership, not a dictatorship, even though you discussed it you have a right to change your mind. Maybe you need to really think about why you agreed the first time. I'm a little confused, is this a separation, or just a financial solution. If it's not a separation, then of course you want to keep your family together, and it sounds like you did your homework and looked into cheaper housing, do you work, could you get a part-time job, or babysit for some extra income? I would do whatever it took to keep yourself in the same location because it rarely works out if you separate. Hang in there, and stick to your guns, you should have a voice in this.

Answer 4

It's difficult, if not impossible, to maintain a good relationship when a couple never sees each other. It only makes the distance between them even greater. If there are underlying problems they tend to multiply rather than being resolved. And if a child is involved it makes it even worse. A child needs it's father AND mother and it's not right to punish the child for the parents problems and over something he has no control! From what you've said, it sounds as if your husband is looking for excuses to distance himself from you and his child. It doesn't sound as if he's leveling with you, and if you know more than you're saying in this question, you aren't leveling with yourself. I think you should try asking your husband if he's being totally honest with you because his idea, while it might save money, certainly won't save a marriage that appears to have big problems. Please consider getting some professional help from either your church or a counselor. The welfare and happiness of your child is at stake! You have a major responsibility here.

Answer 5

Something is wrong here! I would be doing alittle 'detective' work if I were you. Contact the coworker and see if he really has set this up...pop over there sometime unexpectedly and see if he really is there (and with whom) Question: has he been working late for quite awhile now or has this changed in the past few months? Red flags...has he changed his clothing or bathing or cologne habits? Has he given you unexpected gifts lately? Men who are having something on the side don't want to lose what they already have. It's a security and or self esteem issue.
You know him best. Just know what the red flags are and check them (and him) out. Being stupid is devastating. Good luck.

Answer 6

What I would like to know is if he doesnt get get spend time with you now, how is making you and your child move hours away going to help. It sounds to me like he is taking the cowards way out and isn't man enough to tell you the REAL reason for this. Any man who loves his wife and child would do what it takes to keep them by his side,even if that means finding a smaller and cheaper place to live. I'm sorry to see you go through this. I hope the best for you and you little one.

Answer 7

Sounds like he wants to do his own thing. Making this decision allows him to be "single" and able to live a life separate than you and your child with out the headache of divorce...I would not move away from my husband. That is ridiculous. He should move in with your parents also, or you two should just try to find something cheaper together.

Answer 8

It sounds to me like he wants a separation but is being a coward about it. Just remember 'out of sight out of mind' the more time you spend away from him the easier it will be for you to grow apart. You should sit him down, bull **** aside, and ask him whats going on. If he is really working so much, than why isnt there enough money for your family to stay together? Dont play the fool, make him be honest!

Answer 9

Sorry to be blunt;WAKE UP AND SMELL THE COFFEE!!HELLO!!!I I am male and I would not like to be away from my child and the woman I love.I would not leave my home.The primary years of a child are very important to mother and father.I will bet you dont have a joint account.Ask him for one so that you can see the spending,check his mobile for repetitive call numbers that are not familiar and pop in to his new workplace/flat about ten in the evening.He has got someone else.I know enough men to smell a mother of a rat.Sorry for living up to your expectations.Best wishes to you and your child and pray your husband doesnt buy a Harley Davidson motorbike;middle age crisis or insecurities,Joshua

Answer 10

I agree with everyone else on here.. It sounds alittle weird that he would do that... I really don't know the whole background to your marriage but it does sound like he's pulling away... Who knows maybe in his head he's doing something good to better the family and we're all being suspicious about it... I think the best way to find out have a heart to heart conversation with your husband, Find out if anything has been bothering him lately...