Calling each other bad names?

Question

Name calling?
My husband was really mad at me one night. I think we were arguing about his ex wife calling all the time and making reasons for her constant calling. We had also been drinking. I know Im a bit overly comsumed by his ex. I knew this when I married him but I had no idea she was going to be such a huge part of our lives. The kids are the concern but she finds reasons everyday to call and has a fit anytime my name is mentioned and then she grills her kids about me when they get home. I love his boys. I just didnt know I would marry his ex as dictates our lives as our schedule, etc it goes on and on. I have admitted to over reacting. But he called me the "f" word with the "c" word and then said "f" word with you to my face. I know he was mad. What should I do or feel? And its not the first time

Answer 1

Wow. You have a lot of issues going on. I clued in on the comment "Im a bit overly consumed by his ex." Your husband is divorced from her. You need to look inward and fix what you need to about yourself. Jealousy is poison to the soul. Decide in your heart that you aren't going to let it eat you up any more. That is what I did. An old lady told me a story about how she made him miserable until the day her husband died, and she was proud. It was my "ahh hah" moment. I didn't want to be like that. It made me realize that I was giving my husband hell about some things in the past and that if I made the decision to stop, things would be better. Sometimes you have to force yourself to do things that are right until you don't have to force it any more, it starts to come naturally. Take pride in yourself for being the better person and always be polite when she calls about the boys. She is going to be in your life for as long as you are married. So try to make it peaceable and not react in kind to her bad behavior. Everyone benefits. Instead of worrying about her, focus on improving your marriage and showing appreciation and love to your husband. I would bet anything that if you make the first steps to change, he will see it and change how he treats you.

Answer 2

I don't think you should be standing for that honestly. You have a right to a life with your husband as well. He should be able to provide that. As for as the name calling goes, that's not good at all. I think I would have been shocked, and not known what to say, or do like you. Consider all you have with him, I'm sure you don't want to end a marriage over name calling, but look at the ex wife problem too. He's really not providing you with a happy marriage, if you're working towards one and he's not reciprocating. I think I would have a hard time not threatening that if he were to call me names like that again, he'd have bigger problems than ONE ex wife. I've never expenence my fiance calling me names. But wow, I'd be mad. Sounds as though his ex wife is a bit too much to handle, and she is still running his life even though YOU are his wife. I don't think I'd go for it. As you said, it's not the first time he's spoken to you like that either. Doesn't sound like you are in for the ride you expected. Ask for a refund!! You should talk to him about it all though, express your concerns about his ex wife leading his life, and see what can be done. Starting off talking about when you're both calm would probably be a good deal too, not saying it wouldn't get heated though.
Good luck! :)

Answer 3

I think that since you are married to him and you knew that he had children from a previous marriage then you have to deal with his ex. The more you allow her to cause problems between the two of you the more she is winning. I am friends with my husband's ex, at first it was to try to make things more peaceful, but now we are truly best friends. This may not work in all relationships, but you will be respected more by your husband and his kids if you just let it go and try to make you all a family.

Answer 4

That is so totally unacceptable. And this is not the first time?? Why would he disrespect you this way? The two of you need to have a long discussion about mutual respect if this marriage is to survive. And, really, the ex has absolutely no reason to call every day. She is meddling and getting away with it. That nonsense also needs to stop, and your husband should be the one to stop it.

Answer 5

DO NOT PUT UP WITH ANY NAME CALLING!!!! Before you know it, several years will have passed by and it will be the norm in the way you converse when any dissagreement comes up. Even if its only a minor dissagreement. Everybody knows the old saying, "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." Don't believe it!! Words DO HURT!!!!!!! They put wedges between people that sometimes don't ever heal or can be repaired no matter how much one tries. Feelings of resentment can turn people into bitter people! Don't let it start!

Answer 6

Name calling is never right, it creates bad feelings and resentment, and I do not recommend it. My husband and I used to do the same thing, he still calls me names once in a while, but he's catching onto my act since I decided not to call him names, or bring up stuff from the past to hurt him. I know it's hard, next time when he calls you these horrible names, just ignore it, don't call him any names, or bring up anything from the past. Tell him that you don't want to fight, and when you two are cooled off you guys will discuss this. His ex wife does need to cut the cord though, she's hurting your relationship, but you have to remember that your husband has no control that she calls, unless he can block her calls....Don't get mad at your husband, but he does need to stand up and tell her to quit talking sh*t about you, and grow up. Be the bigger person in these situations, maybe she'll catch on! :)

Answer 7

well, you fail to forecast, and look at where it has drop you. Anyway, you got to be patient and plz change your responds to this whole situation. Overreacting doesn't help things out.

But why are you so insecure? an ex with kids will always be a part of the family in someway. Learn to deal with it and live with it. Let her(ex) know you're not threaten by her in any way.....that should be the truth. Don't be threaten unless you're not giving your hubby what he deserves.......smile!

Have peace, all is well!

Answer 8

I think that a married couple can have a grown up argument without all of the name calling. When a man calls a woman any degrading name, it's a show of a lack of respect for his wife or girlfriend. I don't think "I'm sorry" will cut it later, at least not with me.

Answer 9

name calling means disrespect for u, think he needs to get his priorities right, and they are probably going to be with these kids more than u. he is clearly afraid of the problems the ex can cause, she clearly hates u and is going to stop at nothing to anger u. it is all about u and your life with him. but your hubby should be the one to put a stop to this. why does this woman hate u so much? were u the cause of the divorce, if u were that would explain it, but if you weren't than it is probably because her life is not as good as yours. when we marry someone with kids, and an ex wife, we do run into the troubles that comes with it unfortunately.

Answer 10

First of all, I myself believe once you split it should be very minimal contact unless he was single, I don't think he understands how vicious women can be, that's probably why he snapped.
What else can he do, there is no referee and his children will always be his life.
The ex sounds like a trouble maker, maybe you and her should write a couple letters or emails.
I know my best friends new boyfriend doesn't like his ex and her to talk.
Maybe your guy doesn't either, really it is their business and he needs to learn how to communicate better without shouting in your face....
Good Luck to you....