As I am sitting there in my class room, people shouting in my ear, being nasty, I sit and think of the stories I have heard from war!
Bombs flying over head just like the paper airoplanes dashing towards my desk, all the tears of sorrow, that I hide inside are leaking onto one peice of paper like the blood from a wounded soldier, all the bodies all around from the passed classes strike me down!
Now as I lay there on the floor, I am reminded of all the blood and gore!!
Please read some of my other poems!
2007-02-24 04:48:04 · 15 answers · asked by Katja ie tattybow 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
(im 13)
I hope you like it!
2007-02-24 04:51:12 · update #1
Positive responce, makes me want to write more!
2007-02-24 04:54:55 · update #2
Click on me n u will find more!
2007-02-24 04:55:43 · update #3
Keep working at it. I think you have real potential. although poems don't have to rhyme, it helps for the words to have some type of rhythm or cadence. I like your word pictures though.
Ignore pointyears. An obvious bid for 10 points.
2007-02-24 04:56:34 · answer #1 · answered by babydoll 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Oh' dear. I read your other poem which was very disturbing if, as you say, you are13 years old, then where on earth do you get these thought from? Don't you ever think of NICE things? Try to think more positive and remember, there are nicer things to write about. And by the way, I don't like the poem.
2007-02-24 04:57:53 · answer #2 · answered by ☞H.Potter☜ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad; however, I personally think a bit simplistic. Poems don't need to rhyme and even though the visualization is great it doesn't really grab me. It seems a bit overdone and you don't use the visual effects to demonstrate something but rather to just be there. I think if you were to cut back on the graphic overtone and try for a bit more effect with words instead of just using violence it would be better.
2007-02-24 04:55:32 · answer #3 · answered by ambr95012 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The other day I was kicking it at the outdoor bar and I saw these two guys walking by and holding hands. They stopped and tongued and groped each other no more than 10 ft away. That was the gayest thing I ever saw until I read this poem
hope my answer helped
2007-02-24 04:59:59 · answer #4 · answered by Tony the Tigre 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I love your poem. It is both original and inspiring. I hope that you continue to write more. And by the way, I couldn't detect a meter or rhyme scheme. Maybe your poem would be even better if you used one. Or you could structure it another way so that it would be obvious to detect and therefore stay in your mind. Aside from that your poem is great.
2007-02-24 04:58:55 · answer #5 · answered by kaykay 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
but never let loose your glory !! let it be inside you .The glory of being a soldier and being a brave.
good poem but it don't seem you are 13 ?
if you are then stop watching TV ?
Enjoy some time in open field in the real world with your friends or parents .
2007-02-24 04:58:00 · answer #6 · answered by piyush 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow!!! You are really good! I would love to read more! I love poetry, and I thought that poem was amazing! Keep writing, because you got talent!
2007-02-24 04:54:11 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your prose took me right into your awareness and showed me what you feel.
Wow. Great blend of reality, fantasy and memory. Keep up the good work.
Have a star!
2007-02-24 05:03:31 · answer #8 · answered by Zeera 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shut up Gingerpeachy! You are such a bore!
And to consistently report people shows what kind of tattle-tale coward you really are. most people on YA do not report others as they have some dignity.
2007-02-24 05:57:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You are dangerously good. Keept it up, you are like a warrior writing poems. I like tough ladies. Dont know why but i think your are tough.
2007-02-24 07:15:39 · answer #10 · answered by Salaama 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋