my husband has cheated on me i still love hime what should i do??

Question

I have been married for 19 years with 3 lovely children. My husband has cheated on me, the other girl is expecting his child i can't except the fact that this has happened and don't know what to do even though he says it was a mistake and he love him. I don't know if to believe him or not. i am in a mess. This is the take i need my own angel to come down and tell me what to do.

Answer 1

FORGIVE HIM!

The angel from the bible

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails............

I admit it hurts alot to be in your kind of situation but what do you think about the above portion from the bible?

19yrs in marriage? plz, its wrote saving. Congratulations! you're an experience wife and i know you gonna make it. Don't go to the court house......go to God who instituted marriage in times like this. I guess you took the whole package when you married him, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health......till dead do you part.

Plz, its time to listen with your heart first, and your head last! Everybody seems to say divorce him, is that really rewarding? Plz, FORGIVE HIM and LEARN TO TRUST again. GOD is with you thro it all and me too

All the best!

Answer 2

Listen to your heart. I have forgiven mine for a one off mistake, which he told me about same day and couldn't have been sorrier. It was very hard and i was and still am gutted, but i know how much he regrets it and loves me.but i am geussing your husband did it more than once and had proper affair and as she is pregnant he didn't have respect for you enough to use something. You could have caught something from this. Have you been checked?.If you love him like you say then try to forgive. You can see how it goes. If he is truly worth it you should know. But can you handle the baby being part of his life? You can't ask him not to have part in it cos that wouldn't make him much of a man. It is a child. You will have to accept it is going to need him as a daddy and you will have to support him where your children are concerned and explain that it is their half brother or sister. This will take a lot of working out. Personally i don't think i could take that. It is one thing to cheat once and be totally honest but to get someone pregnant would be too much for my head to cope with, and that would mean that he would then have two broken families. What a mess. I feel for you. If you think you are strong enough to accept the baby and that he will have to see the other woman regular to see and help with his child, then you should stay with him and work it out, because 19 years is a long time and hard to throw away. But if your heart tells you that the baby is going to make you upset every time he has to go to it and you are going to be crying all the time or angry then maybe you should tell him to leave. Talk to your children as well, if they are old enough as they may be able to help you with your decision. Please don't jump into any decisions straight away. Just see how you get on and talk to your husband about how you feel. Good luck.

Answer 3

gosh what a mess. This would be easy to forget, and start over again with your husband, except for the fact that a new child is the consequence of this affair. And, thinking of the future, it is likely that your husband will have to support this child, may want access, may have to have contact with the mother ... all of this would be a constant reminder of the affair.
Sorry, but the child is the thing that makes this hard to bear. Without the child, you could probably both move on. But with the child, then you cannot pretend this didn't happen and your husband may have a clash of loyalties with his two 'families'.
If it were me, I'd leave. Regardless of what he says, I'd find this too hard to handle. I'm sorry, but you really do deserve better than the situation and heartbreak that your husband has caused.
Good luck, I wish you well from the bottom of my heart.

Answer 4

Your husband not only cheated but has created a life in the process. Now what you have to decide is can you handle this. You could forgive him and discuss how to handle the fact that their is a possibility that he is going to be a father to someone elses baby. I think that I would get a test to make sure he is the father. If this "female" would mess around with a married man, then who is to say he is the only one? Tell your husband not to flatter his self by automatically asuming that he was her only lover. She may have gotten pregnant and thought he would be the best person to pin it on. And if its true and he is the father I think you both need to sit your 3 kids down and tell them the whole story , not only because they need to know it does concern them, but it may also teach them a lesson about not messing around after they marry. I hope things work out for you, 19 years and 3 children of your own would be a reason to think this through, is this the first time he has done this? If so you may find it in your heart to forgive him. But it will be a tough road for the both of you if this proves to be his child you will have 18 years to deal with this woman who cheated with your husband. And never blame it on just her, it takes 2 and your husband new he was married too. good luck and peace to you on what you decide if this turns out to be his baby.

Answer 5

I have been married for 18 years and have three wonderful children and I love my husband with all my heart but if he were to cheat on me then I'm sorry but I would have to show him the door because 1: I could never trust him again and, 2: Once a cheat always a cheat. If it was a simple fling then why didn't he think of you and your family you have together and use protection. Was this an ongoing affair or a one off? Either way it would make no difference to me (if I was in your shoes) I would have to make him go. Not only for your own sanity but you also have your three children to think of as well, he obviously was thinking of no one but his own selfish needs when he got this girl pregnant although I have no sympathy for her either as she most likely new she was involved with a married man. Remember if you do decide to stay with him you will always have the pain of seeing him with a child that doesn't belong to both of you.

Good Luck with your decision

P.S Please remember he will always have to have contact with this marriage wrecker for the rest of your lives.

Answer 6

I would never be able to forgive this, even though my heart would want to, after all 19 years is a long time. But for me, every time he was late home from work, or from an evening out I would always wonder what he was up to. It would never work, but that is my opinion and my thoughts. If you think you would be able to trust him again and that your marriage could work out, then give him a second chance. The problem as I see it is that he is going to have another child by another woman and I can only see heartache in the future. I wish I could be your angel and tell you what to do.

Answer 7

How repentent is he? Also, how long was the affair? One thing I really suggest to you is to become more independent. Really get a life of your own. He needs to know that you will be just fine without him and that if he is going to continue that mess, you aren't going to be with him. Then you will be prepared one way or the other. If you stay together, is he willing to prove that he is not cheating? Is he willing to put up with your distrust? Is he going to break off everything with her except what it takes to deal with the child? Is he willing to go to counseling? Repentence involves not only stopping what he was doing but a turning around and making up for his mistakes. If he is not willing to do those things, then your marriage will not heal. I feel for you. It took a divorce for my husband to realize what he had lost. We ended up getting remarried when he did realize it and he had to make it up to me. When I stood on my own two feet and didn't need him, that is when he realized what a stupid mistake he had made. Hang in there. I feel your pain. You have got to do what is best for you. No one can tell you what to do. Only you can live your life.

Answer 8

sounds similar to what i go through except she has the numbers in case of a work emergency but they never show up on the bill. i see his point and i see yours. does he know the guy? if i knew the guy and he was some dufus that if she wanted to cheat with him i'd say have fun or his he mr. don juan? are you easily flattered or would you abruptly cut someone off and say get lost if they said anything inappropriate? and last, its kind of personal, but if you're having s*x all the time with hubby, then that lessens suspicion. when my wife goes through her droughts i get pis**d off more and think she's saving it for somebody else. when she's good and we're having s*x all the time i never even think about that. add: did you say anything about thinking he is cheating? i cant believe that people with nothing to base an opinion on whatsoever jump to such stupid conclusions. i am not cheating but understand what he's saying and sometimes do the same thing he does. add: evadine has the smartest answer and i suggest you take her approach.

Answer 9

depends on where his heart is at, there are no mistakes, the mistake happened when she got pregnant, and u found out. this is all about someones choice. will he become a father to the child? will the child be present in your life? can u accept that? will he have a relationship with the mother? yes this is a mess. chances are your not really going to be able to deal with this, and it isn't as if this affair will just go away. sounds as if his mistress planned this all along. he now will be obligated to this woman, she will be in your life for many years to come, it is up to u but it is going to be hard to move past this one, and it doesn't seem like she will just gracefully walk off and disappear. personally divorce may be an option, with child support for your kids. it may be hard, but i would rather take my hurt, get my broken heart and move on because this just isn't going to work, as there is always the chance he will go back to her and keep breaking your heart over this woman.

Answer 10

a guys point of view............santa a............19 years is a long time to be married these days...ive beem married for 22 myself, and i know how hard it is...he cheated,huh? there is no reason for this to happen...and if there was then he should have come to you and you 2 could have worked it out...the scenerio you posted up there shows me that you and your family didnt deserve this...i dont belive in divorce,i want to make that clear...i think that anything a couple runs into can be worked out...but this will take time...you say you love him still...this is good...does he love you and his family? my advise to you is try and salvage what this dog tried to tear apart...he had no right to do this and you need to make that clear...set some ground rules...tell him if he dont follow them then you will kick his butt to the curb....you seem as if your a good woman and he should be damn lucky to have you...when this baby is born,you know that this will start over again? this will be a part of his life you wont be able to share in...but dont be descouraged,this will work out...if you keep your cool and bear with it you 2 can work through this too...keep him on his toes girl...and dont drop your gaurd for a minute...be safe...be kind...and i wish you love...