I have been dating a single dad (technically not divorced yet) for over 3 months, he has two children ages 10 and 14. I also have two ages 3 1/2 and 2 years old. Things seems to be going well with our relationship although we have limited time to spend together since our schedules are opposites of each others. He's met my kids already and my two adore him! The thing is, I haven't met his kids yet and I'm beginning to wonder if I'll ever. His kids are much older than mine and probably have an opinion of me and will probably go and tell their mom. Is my boyfriend not sure of our relationship, could he be afraid of what his ex will think, not sure if his kids will take to me or all three? If he is unsure of our relationship, I will end it no questions asked. I don't want to be with someone who isn't in it for the long run (not necessarly marriage). How should I approach him and have him not feel pressured? Is 3 months too soon to meet his kids? Please help!!! Thanks!!!
2007-02-24 03:59:33 · 19 answers · asked by luvstahoe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
His ex has filed for divorce so they are going through the motions, and this is his second time around. His two kids have different moms. Does this make it more difficult for me? He says there is no chance of them getting back together (who knows for sure).
2007-02-24 05:26:09 · update #1
you have laready answer your question. You need to meethis kids. Its only fair. He needs to stop protecting the mother of his kids.
2007-02-24 04:03:52 · answer #1 · answered by Wolf woman 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I don't think it is surprising. At 10 and 14, it was hard enough to get my kids to say hello when they came in the front door on the way to their room with their friends. Dinner was over before I asked "how was your day". They may or may not have formed an opinion of you. They are going through a lot of feelings right now. It takes a long time for children to grasp the fact that their parents are not going to be together again. After three months and no divorce, they are still hoping mom and dad will get back together. You should meet them when they want to meet you. Their father can ask them if they want to meet you, but your should not push the issue with him. Children are the innocent victims of divorce, they need the most time to adjust, after all dad's already moved on in their eyes.
2007-02-24 04:32:03 · answer #2 · answered by Mike M. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this man is not divorced yet, do not introduce the kids at all. Chances are he could decide to go back to his wife. Usually that is the reason that there is no divorce yet, they may not be sure if thats what they want. When he is divorced then it is a different story. You know that it it doesn't work that you will be hurt so why have the children subject to hurt and confusions too.. You said he has met your kids which they adore him, see if it ends yours are too little to understand they will just miss him and thats not right to do to kids. His on the other hand have not met you and they are old enough to tell their mother about you. It makes me wonder why he felt it was ok to meet yours but his are still in the dark about you!
2007-02-24 04:19:50 · answer #3 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes its to soon.. ur not thinking logically at all.. and ur willing to give up what seems to be a good relationship on a stupid technicality.. His children, who will "ALWAYS" come first, just like children always come first to you.. are going through a life altering situation.. they are in the process of having their family torn apart, and trying to learn to cope with that.. they DONT NEED to see Dad with a new gf at this point, NEITHER of you should be introducing each other to ur kids, untill u know for sure this relationship is heading down the road of something serious and u cantttttttttttttttttttttt know this , so soon in the relationship, id hope after two kids, that u'd know enough about relationships to know that u dont even know each other yet, u already said ur time together is limited, so u dont know how serious this relationship is going to be, HES NOT EVEN DIVORCED YET.. so im sure he's not looking to run from one serious relationship into another.. yet ur wanting to force his hand at meeting his kids, who right now, THEIR NEEDS are what is important, and whats really at stake here not YOURS, i think he's the only one thinking in reality , because i was a single mother for 10 years and NEVERRRRRRR did i introduce my kids to a man that i only knew for 3 months.. especially.. when my divorce was in the works thats to much for kids to handle, and i think ur the one being selfish at this moment, so if u cant handle him protecting his kids, and moving things slow, then u do need to back out now, because your neverrrrrrrrr going to be first priority, his kids are, and already ur not able to handle that or u wouldnt be on here saying, "is 3 months to soon to meet his kids".. its to soon to meet anyones kids, u have no idea who anyone is only after 3 months he could be a pedofile, he could be an abuser, he could be anything, yet ur over here beaming head to toe at the fact that u already introduced your kids to him.. u sound more like someone desperate to find your kids a daddy more so then a woman that is actually looking for a "MEANINGFUL" relationship, if i was him id run for the hills if u pressure him..
2007-02-24 04:12:20 · answer #4 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should NOT meet his kids at this time. He is not divorced yet. He shouldn't have met yours either. It's only been three months, and you say your kids adore him. What happens if you break up? How will your kids feel? Keep in mind, you are probably his rebound relationship. Kids should be kept out of their parents dating relationships until the relationship is serious enough for marriage. It is harmful to the kids to have all these people coming in and out of their lives.
2007-02-24 04:17:53 · answer #5 · answered by Tiss 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what you need to do is find out why hes not divorced yet maybe he has isues and is stilll in love with her he needs a divorce first because you migh be hurt in the long run i was married before and got divorced i meet this incrediable guy who was recently divorced we date about three weeks before i met his kids and he met mine it is now 5yrs later his kids adore me and the were 13, 17& 9 he had custody and the love me as there mother because she has never been a good roll model for them in the first place it might just work out for you his kids may love the ground you walk on and who cares what she thinks everyone is entiled to there opoins any way if he loves you he will come around and you will meet his kids eventually dont push it when he is ready he wil ask you to meet them if he did not want u to meet them he would of never told u about his situation.
2007-02-24 04:12:08 · answer #6 · answered by duby_doo2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
3 months sounds like the perfect time. I would just simply explain to him how you feel. The kids cannot have an opinion about you yet if they have never met you. It could also be the ex who does not want you to meet them. Some women are just like that. Maybe you could all get together some time and meet for lunch or dinner or something including the ex. Sounds weird but maybe if she knows a little about you she wont be so threatened of you. I know alot about this my ex husband has had lots of girlfriends and everyone I ask to meet because if they are going to be spending time with my girls I want to know them a little bit. Not saying you have to be best friends but everyone has got to at least try and get along. Good Luck !!
2007-02-24 04:08:31 · answer #7 · answered by HOT 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You need to talk to him about all of this. He may be afraid of how his children will react it has to be hard on his kids meeting the new woman in their dads life. The best thing for this relationship is for the 2 of you to sit down and have a talk.
Good Luck
2007-02-24 04:04:03 · answer #8 · answered by butterflybaby 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i replace into interior a similar subject with a female i replace into seeing. I stored the two separate because of the fact I knew that the ex replace into grilling my newborn every time I had her. I additionally did not prefer my newborn adjusting too many things using divorce/separation. interior the tip the female buddy did not prefer to proceed the courting so i think of I made the splendid determination to maintain it separate that way my newborn did not start up having a courting together with her and characteristic it lead to some months besides. teenagers come first and in the adventure that your buddy is intense then he could wait. in case you prefer to presented him do it in a set/open placing for terribly couple of minutes burst to permit the youngsters regulate slowly.
2016-10-16 09:40:45 · answer #9 · answered by thedford 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
give it more time...his kids are at a tough age and he isn't divorced yet...I would want to be quite certain that I was in it for the long term before letting anyone be with my kids...they have enough going on....be patient...good luck
2007-02-24 04:06:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's much too soon. Experts say not to introduce a new "friend" until the relationship is serious.
2007-02-24 05:13:28 · answer #11 · answered by KathyS 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋