how do you cope with the fact that your beloved ones have died and will not come back?

Question

especially for people whose beloved ones have died.

doesn't it ever crossed your mind that if you do this or that, they might live a happier life?
and how do you accept the fact that they're gone. i mean, for real. gone forever and you will never see them again?
and then there are those happy moments that you share with them cannot and will not be relived?
how, oh how do you move on?
do you ever got this sorta feeling where your heart feels like it is being srunched up, stomped on on a steel-cold floor, torn to pieces and dropped from the tallest building in the world? i know it seems exaggerating, but it is exactly how i feel right now.

thank you so much if you can answer all of my questions. and some comforting words and advices would be nice too.

thanks.

Answer 1

grief feels like that. You will feel it until it will lessen. It is a normal feeling. Intense, but normal. We feel it because it needs to be felt. I think it positive. I think it re-enforces the love you feel/felt for the person who has gone. It strengthens me in thinking I did right by those people if the pain of loss is that bad. You move on by breathing, just going through the day at first. Then very slowly you start enjoying things and people again. The memory of the loved one will be painful at first but it will become a loving memory most of the time. If you think they could have had a happier life you look around you to see if there is anyone you can help right now. That will ease some pain as well. Just because it is a good thing to do. My heart has felt shattered to a million pieces and glued back again. flattened and shining like a rainbow. crushed and inflated again... Life is like that and the deeper the sadness, the deeper the laughter and joy too. So hang in there, mourning is helping you heal. big hug and I hope my words are somehow a bit comforting to you.

Answer 2

I am so sorry for your loss and I'm not going to say "I know how you must feel" because I don't no one does. But I am going to tell you a story.....there's a point, I promise.

My fiance died last year in his sleep and I woke up and found him. It was the hardest thing I have ever gone through and I sincerely thought I wouldn't make it through. I couldn't get him out of my head and I didn't want to. I didn't even want to feel better. How could you want to feel better about losing someone you love? I didn't want that. I just wanted him back. But I couldn't have it and that made me angry at him on top of every thing else. I mean, who dies when they are 22? Come on! Okay, jokes over. I get it... now let me have things back to normal and I will do better. Whatever I did to deserve this, I won't do it this time.

See there's a point I am making. There is a way that EVERY person deals with grief. Humans cannot escape it. You will get to feeling better, even if you don't want to and here's why:

There are 5 stages of Grief that everybody goes through and you will too:

1. Denial – Refusing to believe what has happened, feeling shocked. “This can’t be happening.”

2. Anger – Accusing others, such as a supreme being or friends, for what has occurred. “How dare you let this happen!”

3. Bargaining – Asking the universe or a supreme being to “cut a deal” with you. “Just let me see him one more time or show me a sign that....”

4. Depression – Experiencing listlessness or exhaustion combined with feelings of helplessness, guilt and lack of interest in life. “I might as well give up.”

5. Acceptance – Facing the loss and moving on, returning to setting goals in your life and focusing your energy more positively. “I’m ready to deal with this now.”

You have, no doubt experienced some of these already, perhaps more than once. They don't happen in a particular order and you may and probably will go back and forth. But acceptance is always last. And it does come, eventually.

But you will never be the same and you will never forget and you will always have your moments of sadness, but you'll also always have all the memories you want so badly to relive, as you said. One day, you will be grateful, just to have those.

Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Hi there, i am so sorry for your loss, i can see the pain you are in and believe me ive been there so many times. It sounds like a cliche, guess it is, but time does heal, i promise. At the time of your loss you dont believe it will ever go away, like life is not worth living, you cant even see a road ahead, but as time goes on you do learn to cope. I am so sorry you are feeling this pain, it is the worst in the world and im sending you a hug. In the past 18 years i have lost my mum, my step mum, my best friend from school, a beloved father figure, a guy i thought i was in love with and many more, im not just here for the points, i genuinely sympathise with you. xxxxx

Answer 4

First you have to live your life, preparing for the death of loved ones. There is no getting away with it.

Let them know you care about them. Try to see them when you can or give them a simple phone call to say Hello or check on them. For there is NO CHOICE, we will all die one day.

My Mom, who was the love of my life and my very best friend died in 1998. I can honestly say I thought I would die when she did. And it did take me 14 months to finally physically say Goodbye to her.

During that time I learned that you just cannot live in such grief forever. There comes a time when you have to let it go and amazingly enough the pain goes away. I know that seems disloyal. But it isn't. We weren't meant to grieve any longer.
So tell your loved one goodbye and you will see them one day again.

God Bless, I so recognize your pain.

Answer 5

I am so sorry for your loss. Grief takes on many angles and is different for everyone.. In time it will get better, time is really the only healer.
For those of us left, those of us that grieve for the loss of someone, our job, is to remember. Keep the memories alive, all the good times, share stories with family and friends. Cry a little and smile a little.

Answer 6

well ido believe they are going to another place to wait for me. that is what i believe you know everyone has a soul maybe not . well i do and therefore the soul does not die and therefore they are out waiting for the world to come to end and be united with loved ones. that is what i bleieve and will be happy to see them at the end. so in my religion we celebrate their death and are happy for them. did you realize maybe this is hell on earth and dying is really our peace for life. i mean it could be we don't know for sure and there are some that have come back and talked to our loved ones. it sjust a matter of believing and living a good life as best we can.

Answer 7

sorry too hear that you have lost someone you love so much , the only thing i can tell you is remember all the good things abouy them and the good times you had together you will never get over that person and just try and believe someday when you pass on maybe you will be together again for eternity , i have lost several of my loved ones , and have dreams about them , things we did together , and I still havent figured it out , how too cope that is , I just pray that some day we will be together again , ,you have my deepest sympothy , JJ

Answer 8

Sounds like you may have regret. I do with the ones who have died that were close to me as well (good friends, my father). Try to think of good times when you think of bad times say things like " God has blessed his/her soul". When you die, there is no such thing as time..it does not exist,, so it's not like they are waiting for you, you are actually waiting to join them. So when good thoughts and things happen to you, reflect on them as if they can see you, know your happiness. Forever is life as we know it, eternity can only be found upon the passing of physical existance in this life. Open your mind.

Answer 9

The best way to cope is to remember them everyday, but to continue living their lives. I'm sure you loved one would want you out and about and living your life to the fullest. I'm sure they won't want you sitting around and crying about them endlessly.

Try to get your life back to a routine. Your loved one would want you to be happy. Grieving is normal, but it is also normal to do and enjoy the same activities and mundane everyday activities as you did before.

Answer 10

well gather with the other loved ones in your life and have them around you i know its hard but i know from experience that it will get better and the pieces will fall back into place.