What should I do?

Question

Me and my husband have been separated for almost 2 weeks now, its not the first time. But to make this long story short "Its his way or no way". I love him but I cant be living like this. It got to the point where he told me He wasnt going to sacrifice his happiness for mine. But then he tells me he just said that cause he was mad. I dont know what to do.

Answer 1

If you can get him to go with you to counseling, not a psychologist type counselor, but a marriage therapy counselor. If he won't go then perhaps you will go on your own. Sometimes we stay in relationships because we believe over time things will change. And we are right, things do change, but it's mostly because we change. We accept the behavior of others and while we may wish for them to be less self-focused, it does not usually happen because we want it to. They have to see that the behavior is not healthy for the relationship and want to truly do something about it before change can occur.

So you see, you might not be able to get him to see how his behavior is affecting you, but you can decide not to enable him to continue that behavior. We want to be good role modelers and if we have children it's even more important to be good role modelers. Ask yourself, do I want my children to learn that this behavior is acceptable and that when they grow up and get married they will behave in the same way, or they will accept the same type of behavior? Even if you don't have children now, think of a time when you might...

No matter how much we love someone and would give our life for them, we need to ask if they are capable of doing the same for us and if they are not even willing to be a kinder person and treat us with respect then how can we possibly believe they will protect us in the time of need...physically, emotionally or both.

To look at ourselves through the lens of another, may allow us to see more clearly.

Answer 2

Not to be rude but..........

How long have you been married? What are the issues he can't compromise? Have you both been faithful? Is there any domestic violence involved? Drugs or alcohol? Are there children involved?

On the surface you nailed it with;

"I cant be living like this"

Offhand I would ask if you don't like it now , how about when you are old and gray. He is more likely to get worse than better. Everyday you spend in an unhappy relationship is a day you are not in a happy one.........with someone else. His statement sounds like a self centered and controlling manipulator.

If it was a good relationship you would never separate. And since this is not the first time we can conclude his promises to change have not been fulfilled.

Dump him.

Answer 3

We men say a lot of things to our wives out of anger that we don't really mean, or that we know in our hearts can't be true.

Having said that though, YOU know better than I, what you have been living. You didn't separate from him because of what he says to you as much as what he does did you?

Now that you are living apart, if the both of you are willing to work on your marriage, then go ahead. But I recommend that you continue living apart while going to councelling.
You don't try to fix a car while it's being driven down the highway.
No, you shut it down take it into the shop, & put it up on the hoist.

So you've shut down your marriage by separating. Now's the time to step back & make the changes & repairs that are necessary to the relationship BEFORE you are ready to "Road Test" this thing again.

Good Luck!

Answer 4

In and out relationships most times are not true love or LOVE that does not know how to show itself. Wonderful relationships are made up of spouses who do truly consider each others feelings and they do sometimes sacrifice a little but you both need to be fulfilled to be happy with each other. If he is wanting to move in a direction that he feels would make him happier than he is, then you must decide can I sacrifice this part of what I want and both of us still be happy within our own beingness.

Answer 5

First the other person is always mentioned first. It would be my Husband and I.....

But he obviously does not sound like a truly committed Husband.
I would suspect what he said angry is what he meant. If you truly want to be miserable for more time than you already have been, stay with him. If you want to find some joy and happiness, end the marriage and look for someone more compatible.

Good Luck in your decision.

Answer 6

Compromise. Maybe you should give him an EXTENDED vacation if he is unwilling to meet you in the middle.

I would not be miserable just for the sake of the fact that I wanted my marriage to work. It will put you in an early grave.

No marriage is perfect, mind you, but both parties have to work together to find what is a tolerable meeting point for an intolerable situation. If he can't do that, let him think about it some more. ALONE.

Answer 7

In the end, you have to really decide what is going to make you happy. Marriages won't work if one person has to do all the work. If you think you will be happy going back to him and having to live by his rules, then do so. However, I think you would be better off letting go and starting over. No one should feel controlled by their partner, ever. Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

Neither of you should sacrifice your happiness for the other. You should each want to make the other happy. Each contributing 100% to the relationship. It sounds like he was feeling unimportant , neglected or not herd in the relationship. You need to address those issues before giving up entirely.

Answer 9

If this is not the first time, then you obviously have serious underlying issues you both have to work out on. If you have tried counselling and nothing seems to work, then a real separation is inevitable. There are people who despite loving someone so much can't seem to stop hurting or betraying the one they love.

Answer 10

Sounds like he is looking out only for himself.You may as well move forward and try to settle your life as best as possible without him.Usually when someone tells you they are not going to sacrifice their happiness for yours it's time to collect your things and move on.His selfishness will come back to him in the long run.Hold your head high and know that you did all that was possible to make it work.