Best friend or not?

Question

To my friend of 8 years. She called me at work when I was really busy and started to give me a hard time because I went out somewhere and did not invite her. I said "please dont call me at work and give me a hard time of it" she then hung up on me and is telling everyone she has severed all connections with me because I really have hurt her

I put this question on two months ago and the problem is still not resolved. She did send me a birthday card but it was a joint one with my husband as our birthdays are on the same day. If she had sent me a personal one I would have called her. I have sent her a card of condolence as she has recently had a friend die.
Should I call her or not?

Answer 1

I think you should have listened to why she was upset and not just snapped at her. Maybe she was being oversensitive about you going out without her but I don't think your reaction helped very much. She may have read it as you not caring about her feelings and being too busy to listen to her - these are not the actions of a best friend! I'd make time for my friends however busy I was, especially if I'd upset them.

You're not kids any more - this is not a serious argument - no one's killed anyone or nicked anyone's husband, and 8 years is a long friendship - it would be a waste to let it go over a silly row

I think you should be the one to ring her and offer an olive branch - you'll regret it in a year's time if you don't

Answer 2

This is a typical reaction of someone who is hurting. Your friend may have felt that you were trying to sever ties with her as you didn't invite her and then seemed not to have time for her at work. Although I see things from your point of view (It's very annoying getting personal calls when you are busy and surely you can go out with other friends, right?) until she has had a chance to tell you how she feels she will only see her side. The only way you can build bridges is to give her the chance to explain, although she seems like she is being unreasonable there could be a very good reason for it in her mind?
Take the Birthday card as an olive branch.. she did make the first move and remember she may be a little touchy as her friend has recently died making her seem more alone.
No matter how ridiculous her reasons are let her explain completely before addressing any issues calmly.
I have been in this situation and sadly I lost my temper over some petty issues that I felt she was 'making up'. I didn't listen to how much she was hurting and i truely miss my friend. Life is too short... call her now! :)

Answer 3

I wouldn't call her if it was me, she sounds like a nightmare! People change, maybe she's not the same person you knew 8 years ago. You don't mention if she has a husband or not, but if she isn't happily married then there could definitely be a bit of jealousy in this too. Friends shouldn't give each other a hard time, they should be there to support each other. If you didn't invite her then you obviously didn't really want her there in the first place. I'd think carefully about whether or not this "friendship" actually has any benefits for you before reconciling with her!

Answer 4

I remember this one too. I hope you are able to come back to choose a Best Answer this time.

Forget what you fell out over. What it comes down to is: do you still want this woman to be your friend? If you don't, stop dwelling on the past and move on. If you do, call her on the phone. NOT to try to sort things out over the phone but to ask if she is free to meet you for lunch tomorrow because it's been a while.

Answer 5

Ring her and settle your issues, she been your friend for 8 years and is it really worth throwing that away. You ringing could be the thing that puts your friendship back on track so just do it.

I'll admit that she shouldn't have rung you at work to give you a hard time, but let bygones be bygones and pick up that phone

Answer 6

A card is a card, the thought was there.What is this phonecall going to achieve, if you want to get back to where you were then i would say don't call but if you want to have a general chat to keep things civil then i would say call her

Answer 7

definately, life's far too short, if she was that hurt she wouldn't of sent you a card (even if it was joint), i say call, at least that way you know you've made the effort, it's better to regret something you've done than something you haven't.

pick up that phone!

Answer 8

think its valid that your so called best friend was upset you didnt invite her & a card of condolence! you should be ashamed, surely that was a time to call. sort it out

Answer 9

Howe about a letter, gives her something tangible to hold and read its so easy to ignore the phone. Good LUck

Answer 10

this happens to me ALL the time you should give her a call,and see what happends and apolagize for not inviting her